Holding on and letting go

So here's my story, which is still in progress btw
My bf of 10 years just cheated on me. We first met when I just came out of a wrong relationship. He was the one who help me pick myself up again. How ironic that now he's also the one who broke me again. So we met while he was fresh grad from hs and i was in college, i'm a bit older than him. I was his first gf while he was not my first. So we started as friends, we were in the same church. After months of talking and spending time together he confessed his love for me. And that was it since the feeling was mutual our friendship leveled up to bf-gf. Everything was fine within 7 years, there were a few misunderstandings but we worked it out. On the 7th year he opted to work in another country, which I disagreed at first since I know LDR is hard. Much to my dismay he continued his plans to move out of the country, leaving me with countless promises, one of which is we will get married when he comes back. First few months of LDR was the hardest, I would cry everyday. I was so used to having him with me all the time. On the second year we adjusted, then time flew and things slowly changed. We got caught up with being busy and spend lesser time each day. Fast forward to 3 months before his return trip home, he suddenly told me to look for someone else. He said that I didn't try hard to keep communication lines open. I tried fixing us, I thought it was all sorted out. Then when he came back, we met and he dropped the bomb, he had another gf in the country he has been in. They got together few months before he attempted to dump me because i wasn't keeping communication lines open. At first i thought I would be angry, but I was speechless and calm. I ask him who would he pick, he said me of course cause i knew him better. Then I thought again that everything will be sorted out. Again i was wrong cause until now he's still in contact with the girl, they didn't break up yet. I know you guys would say i'm stupid to stay in this relationship. I guess i really love him that much. And I really would like to save our relationship. So now we have this weird situation, we see each other everyday, sometimes he sleeps in my house but he still talks with the other girl. I ask him what his plans are, he told me to give him some time. So everyday i put fake face infront of my friends and family and churchmates that everything's fine. But deep inside i'm dying. I don't know what will be left of me after these. :emot101::emot101::emot101:

Hi Beautiful, how much that sounds like a flirt but just using your profile name.. I'm sure you are. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. There's nothing good about the pain over looking someone you deeply love and care about. First of all, I would commend him on his honesty but he sounds a little confused about what he wants in life. All to often when couples start dating in high school, you had mentioned that you were his first girlfriend and he really didn't get a chance to date other women. This is not uncommon. It's like a child forced into adulthood then later on in life reliving a childhood they never had. Maybe you should make the decision for him and give him the space to pursue the other relationship. Cut off all communication with him and see where it goes. He may find out that it is not what he wants and come back to you. I know that sounds to difficult to do but at least you would find out now instead of later and give yourself time to deal with the heartache.

I wish to you the best and hope that everything works out out.

Thanks mark, hopefully I can gather the courage to let him go.

You never forget your first love. If you do let him go, I have a feeling he will be back ☺️

I hope so, but I'd rather not put hope that high, by next year he'll go back to work again, and will be together with the other girl. That gives her the edge over me.