I don't even know how I feel

Well, after dating for a little more than a year I decided not to see him anymore, so, it's been 2 months now.
He had recently separated and I agreed to be his fwb, I would console him, tell him he was smart, tell him I liked him.
Time went by and I was getting attached, I always knew it was going to end this way, even wrote a post: http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/96598-am-affraid-getting-attached-stop.html haha.

Well, I visited him at least once a week (and I live quite far because of work, but my family lives in the same town so I would come and go), stayed one night or two, made breakfasts or dinners for me, we traveled together once, met his mother and a couple of his friends, he met mine, he started calling me "mi amor" (equivalent to "my love" or "baby" in Spanish). We were exclusive, without even arrange it. He talked of us doing things next year, I left things here and there in his house, whenever I was around I just had to show up in his place, he never really rejected spending time with me. I would say definitively we got attached to each other, something tells me it was not only me. I know we were just fwb, but this lasted too long and people who know us would tell me: stop denying, he is your boyfriend.

He was nice, but also sometimes acted weird, although we would go out sometimes, I felt he was uncomfortable with being seen with me, if I texted, he would quickly come up with an "I see you soon", I am usually too compliant sexually and I don't think I was receiving the same, He said I was smart and sexy but also he would tell that my breasts were saggy my lady parts not too cute ( i told him his balls were too saggy haha), he was constantly saying that girls with small boobs are attractive (mine are big), he would describe his ex wife or girls who looked like her as perfect (we are latinos, she was an American woman). None of these made me happy.

Last time we talked I had a couple of days off I texted, we had the "hey how are you talk" and I told him I was in town, he would not respond. more than 24 hours passed without a word so I texted "thanks for your indifference, I do not want to see you again", he replied "I didn't see the messages til now" I said that didn't matter, I was aware that I could not really claim for anything.... One of my best friends says that was too inmature on me....not a single word since that until one month later there was a hurricane (literally) were I work and he wrote: Hey babe, sorry to bother you, I saw the news about...Are you ok?.....I answered: I am ok, thanks so he came with a thums up sign that I didn't even open, I deleted the chat.

Now, his watssap status, which used to be empty, has little pieces of songs like: "all the pain in the way she walks, all the pain in her wave goodbye,all the pain in her fatal charm" "We could plant a house, we could build a tree.I don't even care, we could have all three.She said" "Sterling silver beggins to melt. Nothing really bothers her. She just wants to love herself" somehow something tells me this is about me, but I am also mad and sad because he didnt care enough to look for me, I am not establising any kind of contact with him. My self love and rationality tell me to keep thins this way, but my heart tells me to go run after him.

You know, sometimes it's more about felling better by telling how you feel.