It's a good idea to follow through with the no contact. I feel strongly that even if she did let you see her, it most likely wouldn't get any feelings to resurface.
In the meanwhile, give yourself time to be sad..it's perfectly normal to take a long time to get over someone you truly cared about. Lesa's right, none of us think you're a lunatic. Just heartbroken.
Find sources of strength elsewhere in the meantime