I just realized what a huge mistake I have done. I have killed a third girl. That's why we cant be more than friends now cause I think I killed her inside.
Basically what happened is I messaged her while the previous girl was in another country for few days. I wrote like - "Hey, how are you?" And when I send it I realized that I was in trouble, that it was a mistake and it's not gonna end with that. Now I didn't wrote about this in real time because it was just a chat but now I realize that it was important cause it changed so much, even the way we interacted when met. After the first text, we kept messaging and continued till late night after midnight. I was looking at chat and discovered that we didn't just message for one night but for whole 3 days. A lot has been told and cleared out during this talk. First of all, she wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking why I wrote to her. Second, she admitted that she was thinking about writing me a few days ago to ask for another chance. She said she had met the one but let him go. Happens I was the one because I always forgave her in the past. I told her about all the times she hurt me and about all the times I gave her chance - it was a long text. All she had to answer for that was - "Sorry I realized I hurt you but I kept doing it."
In short, I didn't give her another chance despite that I felt like trusting and forgiving her again and could give her chance. But I was still with the previous girl and that's where I stayed because I don't jump from girl to girl like that. When things end they end and only then I move on. I feel like I should have told her that I'm dating another girl but I didn't want to shock her, to kill her inside. But that's what I did cause in the end she said she understood that there's no hope for another chance.
Why was this a mistake? Because if I wouldn't have messaged her pointless out of boredom back then, then I wouldn't have rejected her and everything wouldn't be so fcked up now. Now I was thinking if we could be friends then later go from there - build a relationship on friendship. But she fcked up this chance of being friends by being flakey again so we cant even be real good friends. I didn't tell her this - that I'm testing her with how good friend she can be. But well she didn't pass the test.