thanks for the advice
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thanks for the advice
So I flipped out yesterday when my g/f was venting about work.
I try my best to be supportive by listening more and advising less, but sometimes I'm just taking in what she's letting out, so it builds up in me instead.
It just drives me crazy when she complains about her AmeriCorps kids, I mean, she's managing them. They're her bitches, she doesn't need to take shit from them.
She was doing real well this year, especially considering her last group from last year. But she got lax, and they've gotten bold.
I feel like I've been hearing the same complaints for that past two years, and I was under the impression she would roll back her care-o-meter now that we're leaving, but yesterday just popped my top.
Then we didn't really talk much for the rest of the evening, and let it drag on into today, (I slept in my room).
It's not that it was a big fight, just, I don't know I'm just tired of this shit comin' up.
So now I gotta make amends when I'd rather just forget about it.
A few relationships ago I faced a similar problem. looking back I realize now it was the fact that my advice wasn't listened to that bugged me the most. I felt like 'use my advice to fix the problem or don't bother me with this problem again'. That put a bit of strain on our relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
People have to figure things out for themselves...as much as you want to give her advice to help her in her mind she could take it as your judging her and not being supportive.
I know you said you try to be supportive and listen but just keep doing that...I think that is all you can do.
I know, it's a guy mindset, because I used to to do that, too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Wasn't until that men are from mars book, that we realized the fundamental differences.
Women vent and then they feel better.
Men don't feel better until they've fixed the problem.
So yeah, I try to just avoid giving unsolicited advice, but shit, now I'm the one getting stressed. It's like watching someone try to fix a leak and being able to offer no more support besides, "You can do it!". When I'm really thinking, "Dumbass, turn the water off first."
This is why I go to my girlfriends and my mother if I want to just vent. They know exactly what I want/need to hear. My boyfriend is still learning about this side of me, and so we're taking it on in baby steps. It's helping me learn how to deal with my anxiety on my own, and it's preventing him from entering a situation where he might say something less than helpful. Pretty good arrangement.
I'm still learning how to deal with the venting, and it's not just my gf, but also my mother and my friends' wives and gfs.
Medical treatment will be more readily available when you over step your drinking limits. Plus you know that the hot girls are all, at least, highly intelligent (or good with their mouths).Quote:
Originally Posted by DoesntMatter [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Here's a tip.Quote:
Originally Posted by lahnnabell [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't overwhelm your guy with things he can never fix, especially if they keep coming up.
If he can't fix it, even if knows he's not supposed to try, it will still drive him mad.
Don't forget, DM, you can always go back for more undergraduate work until med school starts if you really miss school. :) That's what I did...
I'm annoyed that I let myself get upset when I got a text message from a guy who really hurt me, and instead of ignoring him I decided he needed to know we weren't ok. I sent an email, and 5 minutes later, I regretted putting my anger into permanent form. I REALLY need to learn to sleep on these things.
Totally. I'm always saying things that I wouldn't say if I just went to bed. If I could just get to sleep, I would completely forget my anger by sunrise.Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesjoyajm [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Trouble is, I can't get enough peace of mind for sleeping when I am upset and hurt!
I was annoyed yesterday when I came home and my wife wasn't there. Not that 'her not being there' annoyed me, but it gave me time to think about my life and relationship. I was not happy and got depressed. I skipped my workout, and the dishes and popped a beer open and sat outside watching the rain. When she did get home I must have been visibly subdued because she started asking me what was wrong. I then realized that I have no desire to talk to her about my problems, and felt uncomfortable with her even asking. She got upset because I didn't answer, but whatever. F*ck! I'd feel more comfortable talking to my best friend at any hour and any day of the week. I then realized that he actually knows all of my problems already, while she doesn't (probably because she IS one of my problems). Double f*ck!
Last night was the first time my daughter cried herself to sleep over a boy. :P
awwww poor girl!
I'm not looking foward to those days. They'll be coming soon.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]