losing a part of who i am, wanting my ex back
ok hi everyone this is the first time i am posting but dang it will be a long one just to let you know right now. ok well yes me and my exgirlfriend broke up in everything not on the best of terms i guess, ok well i need to tel the whole story for you truely to understand where i am coming from. earlier this month i was surifing the net in all when i remebered she wanted me to go into her email to read this one email she wrote to her friend telling her how pissed she was in all, well i getnin there in i have no clue which one it was so i just clicked on the one, well i got to reading it in it was about her haveing this sexual dream about her friend who was a woman in everyuthing i was like ok well she has had dreams like this before, but then i got to reading in her friend was telling her if she ever wanted to try something she wouldn't try to stop her at all. then the next email was something about the things her friend was teasing her about doing to her when she stayed at her house sunday night so yeah u could say like it hit me pretty hard considering i was going through like well do i care for her or not stage. and then the one email was like just her friend saying she wouldn't do anything she didn't want her to do in all. but yeah it hit me pretty hard i felt depressed till i went to work which i had to work with her and she knew something was wrong with me, well in the bathroom she told my friend lacey that she loves me so much and she didn't want to lose me at all. well then later that night i got sent home early cause i just said i wasn't feeling good, and i told her in the car what i found out and she just started crying and crying in saying she was sorry she has just been so confussed lately in with stress of school work in everything else it was to much, but just to let u no this all started after she started working at mcdonalds and started school and i started school and working a 2nd job, so yeah that had to put some stress on it all. well that night we talked we cryied she told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me in we ended up making up then we got into the heat of the monet so to speak, but then we cried more later on in made up more but she sent a text message to her friend saying all of this has to quit for now in yatta yatta yatta, well she tells like all her friends she loves them but with what just happened yeah that made me a little nervous again, well she had to go to work the next day she was all happy when she was with me but when she went to leave she was all sad, i susprised her with flowers at work by leaving them in her car, i always do stuff like that for her be romantic in sweet, but back to the pointin she went to stay at kristans house first off i knew if something would ahppen it was going to no matter what u just don't get those thoughts out of your head that easily in all, but yeah i got depressed more cause i had every idea running through my head like ok hmm yeah i wonder what they r doing right now. but then the next day was our 1 year together, she spent the entire day with kristan i wanted to c her iwas going to come down but she said that she was going over to her dads then somewhere else, well she nevertold me she spent it with kristan i didn't find that out till the next day the she told me that she was going up to her house to go to sleep but in the fact she went and stayed at kristans again well i feel she should have told me the truth about that why lie in my book. well tuesday in all i drove down before 7 in the morning to try to susprise her before she woke up, well i got ther in there was no car well her car wasn't there so i got a little upset trying to uderstand why she wasn't there in i called her mom and she told me she stayed the night at kristans well she gave me kristans cell in i drove all the way over to my ex's college to try to talk to her, and we talked on the phone in she was like dan i am still so conffused right now and i was like well i would have understood if u would have told me shes like i didn't want to make u feel guilty and i ended up sayiong how can i trust u and that i feel like i wasted my gas to drive down here but yea i know those where no the best things to say in all, i mean guys do f up in all. but she still should have told me the truth. in then she sent me an email telling me to back off completly for now and not to call her or text her but she sgreed to emails, then we didn't talk for like 3 days then i got an email back from one i sent saying we needed to talk she felt it only fair to talk to me, she came to the conlusion that after 3 days of thinking that what had been wrong the past 2 weeks was that she didn't think she loved me anymore and then she started crying on the phone and hung up on me, well i had to work the next day with her and i stayed after work to talk to her, so we talked and we talked she couldn't look me in the eyes when she did she would smile and cry, i could still make her laugh though it seemed like she was trying to be pissed at me more than anything, and i was telling her that i felt she still loved me and all of that in i was sorry for wut i said she took the waste gas thing in turned it into that i wasted my last year on her she said that wasn't a good feeling i mean come on eevrone says something they don't mean at some point. well after that in all we emailed one another i called her 4 times ince she said it was ok, then i get an email saying very rudley not to call her or email her or talk to her she felt like i was stalking her andi was putting a lot more stres on her life right now and to get it through my thick skull that she didn't love me anymore and she will never love me againand to move on, now at this pojt i was about ready to cry in all. but i kept my clam and i didn't respond or anything like that. so i figured that we were done completly in her aim she took me off in put me on the online people, well she took it off not to alert her when i came on, now the day this happened i had a girl to tell me she likes me another one to tell me i was cute and two of my exs wanted me back, so its called i have options and i am just out ther dating right now, i mean i still love her so much and want to be with her but i gotta at least try to move on though i really don't want to. well 2 days ago i had to work with my ex again, i thought god this is going to behard but she started talking to me, not me talking to her. and then when my nerves started getting to me and i started shaking in all she was asking if i was ok and wutwas wrong showing concern, and also she agreed to be friends now so i think thats a major step in she agreed to go to a play with me she offered to go which shocked me then i asked her about her stuff she had at my house to just let u no i live about 30 to 40 mins away from her so its called it would be a hassle for her to come get the stuff so i said i would bring it down when i worked with her sometime and shes like no i can come get it when i have a chancve to i will be up don't worry so thats like hmm now why the heck won't she let me jujst bring it to work let me know wut u think about that one cause we came up with every idea in the book for it. and she was also giving out hugs and kisses in allf or national kiss day and she only did it when i was looking then before she left she gave me a hug and a kiss on the check like everyone else. then i logged on to her aim thinking ok shes going to have me off her list compelty in if she does i might as well take her off of mine and no i was still there but now with an alert status thing so all of this is very conffsuing to me and all i want is to have her back but just to le u know now i didn't crak her passwords or anything we gave one another ourt passwrods to email and everything else, but leave a response of what u think cause this is very dang confusing for me in all i want is her back people tell me just keep giving her her sapce and give her timne but act like it doesn't bother u in such its hard but i am trying but heres the one thign she can't tell me in person that she doesn't love me anymore she could only do it by phone or by email sothats a little weird to somethink she is tryiong to tell her self a lie, so that way in case something did happen it was bettter to not love me and huirt that way instead of finding out something else but like i said leave one back or email me cause i need help with this. sorry for it being so long.
dan