this girl that cheated on her bf with me wont stop texting me or leave me alone....

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he made it very clear from the start, and never told her otherwise, that all he wanted from her was sex and there was no emotional attachment whatsoever, then my assumption is incorrect, and she is just crazy to say those things now.

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She is crazy. If you expect emotional attachment from someone you are cheating with, then you are crazy. It does happen frequently, but you don't have the right to expect it. Remember the married chick I slept with from the other thread who was angry I didn't want a relationship with her and said I used her? This is the same deal. This woman is already emotionally attached, yet expects someone else to settle for crumbs. For the record, I did tell that married woman, in no uncertain terms, immediately before we had sex the first time that it was nothing more, and I even hesitated. It really doesn't matter though, she had no right to expect I would be emotionally attached to her whether I tell her my intentions or not, considering that she is married. She is crazy.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It does happen frequently, but you don't have the right to expect it.

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That's true, but I assume that the OP actively made her believe that there *was* an emotional attachment.

Even if he didn't, I think he should have made it clear that there was no emotional attachment as soon as he realized that she was developing one.

Anyway, at this point all he has to do is block her number, and hopefully learn the lesson.

Is this thread really that complicated?

Sounds like this guy got with a girl hoping she would dump her BF for him. Happens all the time. When the BF came back, this gal wanted her cake and to eat it too. Apparently the attention of one guy isn't enough for her. If she really cared for either, she'd break off with both of them. Alas, that is the paradox of someone who cheats, yes? You can't expect them to act with integrity since they've chosen to put themselves in that situation.

OP (assuming you ever come back) - Just cut contact w/this gal. She may be crazy, she may just be confused, but either way its not going to end well for you.

Next time, don't pin your hopes on someone else's behaviour. Either do what Stung does: take the sex on offer, don't let yourself get emotionally attached (she's not available for that); OR tell her you like her but your own values don't allow cheating. If she's insulted: not your problem and you've dodged a bullet.

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The point is that he treated her wrongly if, as I assume (maybe incorrectly), he made her believe that there was something beyond the sex, an emotional connection or maybe even "love", just so that he could sleep with her. That is being deceitful, and it's wrong. If he made it very clear from the start, and never told her otherwise, that all he wanted from her was sex and there was no emotional attachment whatsoever, then my assumption is incorrect, and she is just crazy to say those things now.

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What if neither one of those blacks and whites are the case? I've been with women in a relationship, and so have a LOT of people I know, and it's never come down to us telling them we were in love and wanted to whisk them away from their boyfriends/husbands or whatever so that we can sleep with them, nor has it come down to us having to tell them outright that we only want sex and there is no emotional attachment (one of my buddies always does this but you'd be hard pressed to convince him that he's mistreating her if he doesn't). What usually happens is the chemistry is there and we both roll with it, and if we end up in the bedroom together we end up in the bedroom together. Of course there is potential for it to get a little more complicated than that but that's the case with every type of dynamic between men and women in existence.

I don't see why he is the one who's morally obligated to tell her that he doesn't want a long term relationship. I'm not aware of any system by which the negative side carries the burden of proof, it's always whoever is making the positive assertion, and the positive assertion here is that a relationship must bloom out of what we're doing. She is the one that wants to make something happen and impose a commitment on him. Therefore the burden falls solely on her to make her intentions known.

If you're saying he could make things a little easier on himself in the long run by making his intentions known, you might have a point. But morally wrong not to? And he is treating her wrong if he doesn't? I think not. To say that this is treating her wrongly is part of what I mean when i said you were being much too hasty to ascribe victim status on her, something most anglospherics are guilty of towards women everyday (it's how we're raised, after all).

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't see why he is the one who's morally obligated to tell her that he doesn't want a long term relationship.

If you're saying he could make things a little easier on himself in the long run by making his intentions known, you might have a point.

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I don't think he is, to the former. Definitely yes to the latter.

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

something most anglospherics are guilty.

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LOL! Anglo + spheric = fat American? :lol:

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't see why he is the one who's morally obligated to tell her that he doesn't want a long term relationship.

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He should make it clear as soon as he realizes that she is starting to think that there is "something more". Otherwise, he's just being deceitful in order to get what he wants. If she tells him stuff like "I love you, I miss you", he should say "hey wait a minute, we are just having a bit of fun here" or something like that. In this case, we don't know if the girl in question started saying those things *before* her bf returned, I'm speaking on general terms.

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And he is treating her wrong if he doesn't?

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Yes he is, if he doesn't tell her even after she has made it clear that she is convinced otherwise. I don't get why you are so convinced that I am "against the guy and pro-girl", I would say the same thing if the roles were reversed. It works both ways, it's always wrong to string someone along. And I'm not "anglospheric" :D.

Then again, it makes sense that *you* would try to justify and rationalize what the OP did (according to my assumption, which could be incorrect), since you have done the same thing from what I understand. Did any of your taken women develop feelings for you throughout the affair? Did you just let them believe they were reciprocated? (Maybe none of them developed feelings, I'm just asking).

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In this case, we don't know if the girl in question started saying those things *before* her bf returned,

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That's a pretty important thing to know before we start throwing accusations around, I don't have so much of a problem with the rest of what you're saying.

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't get why you are so convinced that I am "against the guy and pro-girl"

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I'm convinced of no such thing. In fact I specified that I know this is not the case in my 2nd reply to this thread, in response to the 2nd quoted paragraph.

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did any of your taken women develop feelings for you throughout the affair? Did you just let them believe they were reciprocated? (Maybe none of them developed feelings, I'm just asking).

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Yes (well, maybe) to the first question. No to the second.

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I'm convinced of no such thing. In fact I specified that I know this is not the case in my 2nd reply to this thread, in response to the 2nd quoted paragraph.

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Then what did you mean by this:

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

To say that this is treating her wrongly is part of what I mean when i said you were being much too hasty to ascribe victim status on her, something most anglospherics are guilty of towards women everyday (it's how we're raised, after all).

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I would ascribe "victim status", as you say, on him, if the roles were reversed.

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's a pretty important thing to know before we start throwing accusations around, I don't have so much of a problem with the rest of what you're saying.

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As I said, mine is a possibly incorrect assumption, based on the information I have. The OP seems to have disappeared anyway, maybe she stopped bothering him.

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Yes (well, maybe) to the first question. No to the second.

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You did the right thing then.

Both the OP and the woman are stupid. Shouldn't cheat. She should have broken up with her BF before he left or let him know that she needed to get some penis while he was away...a year is a long time. People just need to be more upfront and clear about their needs. OP - what did you expect after sleeping with her for a year? That is a long time and any woman who would do that while her BF is away at war is a coward and prob. a little crazy...

I knew a couple who went through the same thing. Her BF went away to Afgan. for 2yrs and she cheated on him with some other dude. He came back and found out and was heart broken...kicked the other guys ass and moved to another state with his GF. He couldn't let go of her cheating and starting cheating on her all the time...eventually they broke up. My friend (the BF) passed away 2yrs ago...his GF will forever feel slightly responsible for his downward spiral :( Cheating is lying and lying just isn't good...no matter what side you are on.

Good luck

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Then what did you mean by this:
I would ascribe "victim status", as you say, on him, if the roles were reversed.

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That you were being too hasty to ascribe victim status, exactly as you've been reading. The second half of the quote is just something I was pointing out about society as a whole.

Hahah, OK... just didn't seem that way by the way you phrased it. It seemed you phrased it that way to deliberately "accuse without accusing". But fair enough, I'll believe you :D.

Okay just some information for all of you because you guys were assuming things and didn't know some things, i will also fill you guys in on some stuff. Basically I am pretty sure she is a narcissist. Whenever we were "together" which was just about every day, she would start up arguments, she was very clingy and needy. If she called em and didn't hear back from me within an hour she would be constantly texting me and calling me thinking i was with another girl or something. I remember one time i didn't get back to her for a good 5 hours one day and she was texting me telling me she cant take it anymore and was going to come knocking on my door.
She is way insacure and would always think i was looking at other girls whenever we were out in public. She would even get upset where she would be hanging up on me if i told her i was watching UFC because she said they have ring card girls and she would get all jealous over them. really weird stuff. I remember a few times when i was dazing off thinking about and telling a story or about how something happened at work and she would say "look at me when you are talking to me, what are you doing i am over here" like she needed all of my attention on her every second. Sometimes she would give me the "i cant believe you just did that" mad squinty eyes, because she thought i was looking at a pretty girl, and i would know exactly what was happening. I would ask her whats wrong and she would say "I saw you looking at her" and i would look to see who she was talking to and she would tell me "Oooo didn't get a good enough look the second time huh?" and she would start to leave wherever we were at. So in a way she was kind of a pain in the ass a lot of the time.
I did truly love her like crazy. She was my first love and i had always had a crush on her for years. I was actually going to ask her to be my gf a few years ago but her current bf she has been with for the past 2 1/2 years beat me to it by like a day or two. So that is why i didn't really feel guilty about talking to her like I did, i had always liked her a lot, i have not liked to many girls like i liked her, and i feel in love with her big time. That's why its funny she would always accuse me of looking at other girls, because i could care less really. She is amazingly beautiful but she has low self esteam, was not that popular in high school (I was), and her bf now is not that good looking and was a dork in high school. She has had about 5 other relationships that have been over 7 months and one of them was a 6 year off and on. So she is not that stable in relationships.
she is not married, and told me "look, i have a guy who wants to put a ring on my finger but I told him i am not ready to get married so don't do it if you are thinking about it. Because i have you in my life now and i am trying to figure out what i am doing and this is hard for me".
But the whole point is I am pretty sure she was using me for love when he was away because if she really did think i was her soul mate and I was her one and only then she wouldn't have anything to figure out would she? And now she is hanging out with him 24/7 and has not seen me in a month and a half, we use to not even go over 2 days of not seeing each other. She just tells people what they want to her to keep them doing what she wants to do. I already know they have been having sex and all that other good stuff so i couldn't look at her the same anymore knowing she is choosing to do what she is doing when she is saying all this stuff to me then sleeping in another mans bed. And she and I use to hang out every day, and fall asleep on the phone every night and I thought she was crazy about me not just... crazy... lol.
But the real facts that i know now that i am not blinded by her words and my love for her is that she was lying to her bf and doing all kinds of shady stuff behind his back so why wouldn't she do that to me? Right then and there that should have lost all of my trust. She has always seemed a bit slutty. At first i thought maybe she was so different to me because she is a really good looking girl and she mostly dated guys who were not that good looking or in good shape and were not very popular in high school. So i thought that maybe she was just crazy about me and was happy to be with me, she would always complement me and tell me she couldn't believe I am actually talking to her out of all the girls i could be with. So I guess i kinda fooled my self.
Bottom line is she would always act like she was afraid to lose me and said she would be heartbroken to see me with someone else and she wanted me all to her self, but she acts so different now, she would always tell me how she couldn't wait to see me and that she missed me so much and then would see me and get really excited, but now shes all talk and zero action. The first week i could not believe what was happening because she lied about a lot of things. She said at least 4 times over the last few months she would not spend the nights at his parents house with him anymore because they were living in the same room, because she said she wanted to see me still and that she just didn't want to do that she wanted to stay at her parents house. Well she has been at his house and with him and spending the nights there since day 1 when he got back, I also went by there on like night 3 to see if she was parked there and she was... also i didn't recognize her car at first because she took all her stickers off her car to make it look normal to blend in i am guessing because she didn't wanna be recognized places or something like that? I just had a shock go through me when i saw that like wow... whats this all about... I asked her why she lied about staying over there and if she took her stickers off her car because i "Thought i saw her driving the other day". She said no she never touched her stickers they were still on her car... which was a definite lie. And told me she was spending the nights over at his house because her parents kicked her out... LOL... which i am 99% sure is another lie.
I just don't know why she keeps texting me telling me all this stuff like we are soul mates and i am the one she should be with right now. maybe she is scared i will get mad about her using me and tell him? so she is trying to in her way be nice to me? She also flipped everything around on me and told me She does not know why i am acting like this (not texting her and calling her a liar) saying she has never lied to me once. And saying i am being mean and she cant believe I am acting like this. And that all she is trying to do is figure everything out. Even if she dumped him and came crawling back to me i would never take her back. I just don't know why someone would for a whole 10 months call me wanting to hang out with me and spend time with me when they could be hanging out with their other friends and telling me they love me and i am this and that to them and then not really care what I am doing and with who when she was so controlling and wouldn't want me to go do anything with anyone but her. Very very weird. She also texted me "I hope some day you can forgive me and give me a second chance, there are not enough words to tell you how sorry i am for everything. Also before all of this happened she told me she wanted to break up with him and be with me when she was driving to the air port to go get him as she was crying on the phone.... so i don't understand all of this.

Also I sent her one last text after she sent me about 40 to 50 in a span of 2 weeks, I basically told her everything she was saying was just bs and she is just a liar who lies to everyone in her life, and that she is a messed up person who has some problems to be able to lie to people she "loves" and that she wouldn't be over there 24/7 banging some other guy if she thought we were really soul mates. and all this other stuff and that i don't even care anymore just keep doing it and told her goodbye for good. She basically has texted me back 15 times sense then which was about 4 days ago saying "do you think i wanted to leave? i am not a liar and i love you" "I miss you so bad :(" telling me "goodnight i love you :(" "I am sorry for a lot of things but the way you are treating me is mean" "my tears were not fake and my hurt is not either." "you think i don't love you?" and posted me a song lyric from a love song. And has not texted me for the past 2 days... I am sure when she starts up another argument with him and they have a fight she will be texting me about how she needs me etc. I know this is not the last i will be hearing from her and with all her other failed relationships and the way her relationship now is going i am guessing even if they do get married they would prob be broken up within a few years anyways. She always made him out to sound like an asshole but I bet he is not to bad of a guy. She is just crazy.

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hahah, OK... just didn't seem that way by the way you phrased it. It seemed you phrased it that way to deliberately "accuse without accusing". But fair enough, I'll believe you :D.

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Nah, it just never occurred to me that it could be interpreted that way until just now lol my bad

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Originally Posted by alex17

*long ass jumble-fukk of a post*

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Ah...the classic co-dependent nightmare. You stumbled your way into the heart of a woman with a deep inner void that can never be filled, and will likely expect every man she hooks up with to fill it. However, since you are human there is simply no way that you can fill that void, and that's when these types of girls might start blaming you for all of their problems. It was convenient (at the time) for you because she may have come to see you as the shining light in her world of darkness, which is a very seductive lure for a man (say what you want about how white knights are all phags but the chance to play the hero is highly seductive, protecting women we are attracted to is embedded into our dna). But then she finds out that you CAN'T fill the void inside her, and then she starts blaming you for the void in the first place, thus leading to inevitable shit storm after inevitable shit storm of exactly the kind of melodrama you just got done talking about. Yeah, I know it's not your fault that the void is there but that's extremely difficult for her to see, as people with these types of problems are seeing the world through a screen of emotional disturbance that makes things blurry and harshly alters their reality. You walked into a trap that she may or may not have even known she had set.

Trying to break off a relationship with someone like this could very well lead to multiple suicide threats and possibly even attempts. Thus far you're lucky that all she's done is bother you with texts.

If it were me...

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Originally Posted by alex17

Whenever we were "together" which was just about every day, she would start up arguments, she was very clingy and needy. If she called em and didn't hear back from me within an hour she would be constantly texting me and calling me thinking i was with another girl or something. I remember one time i didn't get back to her for a good 5 hours one day and she was texting me telling me she cant take it anymore and was going to come knocking on my door.
She is way insacure and would always think i was looking at other girls whenever we were out in public. She would even get upset where she would be hanging up on me if i told her i was watching UFC because she said they have ring card girls and she would get all jealous over them. really weird stuff. I remember a few times when i was dazing off thinking about and telling a story or about how something happened at work and she would say "look at me when you are talking to me, what are you doing i am over here" like she needed all of my attention on her every second. Sometimes she would give me the "i cant believe you just did that" mad squinty eyes, because she thought i was looking at a pretty girl, and i would know exactly what was happening. I would ask her whats wrong and she would say "I saw you looking at her" and i would look to see who she was talking to and she would tell me "Oooo didn't get a good enough look the second time huh?"

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...I would've ran from her at the first sign of this type of behavior, due to aforementioned reasons. If I had to I would've threatened her with a restraining order. This is more writing on the wall than I need to realize that I'm dealing with a lost cause and need to eject. You stuck around way too long and got way too emotionally invested - your situation now is the price. It's a harsh life lesson to learn...life can be a nightmare bitch from hell for a teacher sometimes. I dunno what to tell you but to keep avoiding her. Delete her phone number, and change yours and make sure she has no way of attaining it. If taht doesn't work and she keeps stalking you then you might have to consider the restraining order idea...

Yes, she is crazy. Block her number so that even if she tries to contact you again, she won't be able to. Hopefully you'll take this as a lesson not only to not get involved with taken women, but also to stay well away from emotionally unstable persons.