You keep saying the same things over & over. They are very defeatist. Now you are on an internet message board -- which is a way of reaching out -- & a bunch of independent people from all over the world are giving you the same message on how to fix the bad behaviors & improve your future. But you continue to insist you are right & we're all wrong. That doesn't make sense does it? Consider for a moment that we may be right & take our advice. At the very least tell a trusted family member that you are feeling hopeless & as that person to make an appointment with a mental health specialist if you are too shy to do it yourself.