g/f gained 25 lbs. in past year...not attracted to her anymore - help...

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Originally Posted by misterX

i have been dating this girl for over a year, but in this past year (most notably in the last few months), she has gained at least 25 pounds. she now weighs way more than even I do and I am seriously not attracted to her anymore. its to the point where i wont even have sex with her anymore and now she is starting to wonder why. she keeps asking me why i dont want her in bed anymore, but i just dont have the heart to tell her. she is really emotional and i know she will start crying if i tell her. i have tried subtle hints like 'hey we should go on a gym date', but she always makes excuses not to go. she is a really nice girl and i dont want to dump her just because of this, but i dont know what to do since i am attracted to the way she used to look, not the way she looks now. before, she was just little overweight, but im not that shallow a guy so i didnt even care. but now its to the point where its just getting out of hand. so i would like to know should tell her what I really think? she is gonna eventually dump me or someting because i refuse to have sex with her now, so i done have much time left. oh and i posted this on another message board and the only responses i got were 'its whale harpooning time' and stuff like that so if you are going to respond with some lame-ass childish remark - save it, ive heard it 50 times already.

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MIsterX,

In a relationship, physical attraction is important next to communication. Better to tell her on what you feel towards her weight gain.

Try to voice out things in a nice way so she won't get offended. Again, whether she likes it or not, surprise her a gift- a gym membership. im pretty sure she won't refuse going to the gym because it's paid already. So, she's is hook!

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Originally Posted by lissa

If a boyfriend told me he didn't think I was attractive anymore because I gained weight I would so angry and insulted and I don't know if I'd ever feel the same way towards him. Telling someone you're not attracted to them anymore and won't ever be unless they lose weight? That's totally rude and youre putting her in a position where you are forcing her to lose weight in order to stay with you. Way to make her feel totally insecure about herself.

Honesty is good, but you wouldn't walk up to someone and tell them their ugly because you believe in being honest, would you? Honesty is NOT always the best policy.

Here's what you do - if she brings it up you can encourage her to work out and eat healthy. Tell her that you've been thinking of going to the gym more or cutting back on junk food because YOU feel like you've gained weight and want to get in shape. If you really love her than you will be willing to put up with her weight gain. If it bothers you, you can gently nudge her, but telling her that you aren't attracted to her anymore cause she's fat is just messed up.

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Honesty IS the best policy:)

Not bluntness and disregard for her feelings though, and I never suggested saying "You're fat/ugly. Fix it" becuase that would obviously be disgusting.

By NOT being honest, thus letting things go unspoken, it will eventually become too much for you and you will explode and it will be much worse than the pain it would cause if you mentioned it early on. That is my point; and I will stick with it becuase it is true!

I sill see so many people saying that physical attraction is one of the most important things in a relationship... and I am a bit saddend by how shallow some peolpe are. We don't love someone becuase they're beautiful, they're beautiful becuase we love them. Apparently all to many people see physical attraction as a purely objective thing, which it is not. Lots of people, for whatever reason, LIKE girls who are say 25 lbs. overweight... I know I do not find the overly skinny girls attractive... All I am saying is that physical attraction should be based on inner attraction; If you really loved this girl, she would be beautiful no matter what, and the weight issue would only concern you becuase of her health, and you would be able to talk openly about it like two mature adults in a serious relationship. Read the original post again, ppl... this is not the case in point. I'm not saying he should tell her outright "You are fat" nor keep it to himself. There is a happy medium where he would be sincerely concerned for her and would be able to express that positively. How can people honestly say that they don't love someone anymore becuase of their appearance? What if you got in an accident and your face was severely messed up for the rest of your life? Would you understand that your wife/husband wants to leave you for someone attractive? Come on people, redeem yourself:)