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Innova I have the exact same problem, (of course with the genders reversed). It is a WONDER to my guy friends that I am single. So then, why am I? I am the girl they can have fun with. Hang out with. Have a beer with. Tell their problems to. I didn't know I'd be sacrificing a potential relationship by being "one of the guys".
Don't you hate that? I'm the same way. I always feel that I'm doing something wrong, but all I do is just be myself (at least I think). Makes me want to believe that men like me aren't really what most women want... but I force myself not to believe that. Paradox, isn't it? Wish I could help you out here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Innova
Squirrley,
I don't really think it has anything to do with demographics. Sure, there may be more singles in different areas, but I feel as if most of the people would act similarly... I guess you could say being somewhere else is just having 'more of the same'.
Maybe the problem is that your friends are searching too hard? Trying to set up dates, especially blind dates... it doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Call me idealistic (I already know I am), but I feel that you should know the person at least fairly well before going out with them. I guess maybe the problem is that they are trying to force something that must come naturally? (Urk... I feel like such a hypocrite saying that... I really wish I could follow my own advice).
Breezy,
Looking back at that, I agree. I was wrong in saying that. I just feel that sometimes people may not listen if something is wrong. If something is wrong, then there needs to be communication. Yelling is not necessary.
I just threw in the demographics because it came up in conversations. I KNOW if you put yourself out there you allow more opportunities. I CHOSE NOT TO!
I dont have high standards when it comes to meeting a man-hell Ive had plenty of men who were Dr.'s and what not ask me out-uh no. Money isnt an important quality to me-geezuz I dont have to defend myself here-
As for the online thing-if I wanted or needed a man so badly I wouldve subjected myself to it a long time ago-not MY forte-I never said anything negative about it-Ive got friends who did it. More power to them. Its just not my style.
As for being the friend of bewidlerment in why "we're" single-I dont get it either-I heard it for years. Even why Id say I dont want a relationship I dont want to be involved...in one ear and out the other. LEAVE ME ALONE. I enjoyed being single.
I have NO problems in men asking me out-yes some of them are losers...but I feel in my life right now-I have the pleasure of being choosy...I dont feel as though I have to date a different guy every weekend to see whats out there-and I dont think the UPS man is gonna drop him off either, but I like being who I am and not putting myself out there for bullshit. Cause thats what I see happening everyday around me.
My friends dont have high standards either-but the average male in our area is well lets just say not exactly a normal man. Wont go into details...and Im sure there are plenty of men who ARE what women in my circle of friends are looking for-but theyre sitting at home probably doing the same thing I am-sitting here and thinking the same thing!
Breezy-the concept of losing the spark sucks! NO doubt. Again people get involved get comfy, and then what? Come on! Ive got a couple of friends who've I've seen go through this and they wonder what THEY did wrong.
I truly believe when you find someone whom youre really "into" dont stop the great phrases, the nice little comments, etc. because youve become comfortable-its how you should maintain a lively and healthy relationship. Ya know its coming to back to treat people how youd like to be treated.
Somewhere there is someone for everyone Ive said it to my friends and Ive said good things come to those who wait-patience is a virtue-geezuz I think Ive said every damn cliche thats out there-but it's TRUE!
And ultimately I know that HE has a plan for me and thats one big mother of a reason why "I" didnt worry about being single...(and continue to not worry for myself). If Im meant to stay single the rest of my life-well hell I already know what if feels like so~
Anyway-Im just bumbed because some of my friends think they will never find true happiness...but to me it always starts with yourself. And some of those friends(locally) I know arent. And thats whats awkward now for me-cause some of these friends here in good ole Beverly Hills look to me for what I have-WHAT? Theyve seen what Ive been through the last 5 years and where I am NOW-theyre looking to me for advice-this is my problem because I dont know-hell I did what was best for me. I put myself in a position of not wanting or needing someone to complete my life. I did for myself...becoming self sufficient and independant. Yea I have seen some of my friends latch on so quick it would make your head spin. Desperating means to fulfill voids-I dont have them. Im glad they feel comfortable to come to me and look to me for help-its almost funny-me who has the least dating experience?
Oh well-I guess I was just looking for answers and now that Ive thought this out on here and hearing other things Ive found the anwsers myself. Thank you for all of your suggestions and or ideas.
But BBC1-this isnt about me hon-Im quite happy with my life :D but once in awhile I need a reality check-and everyones input did that for me! Thanks guys!
Squirrley,
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrley
"...My friends dont have high standards either-but the average male in our area is well lets just say not exactly a normal man"
In your state around 3.5 million single man, more than single women.
If you say an average man in your area is not normal, I suspect that somehting is fishy here. It cant be 3.5 million of men is not normal.
(a reality check!)
I guess it has somehting to do with the standards (of your friends).
Think about it really.
The most likely reasons - they offer quite little attractive things for men
(good soul is not exactly that much an attractive thing, average joe is looking for at least nice body, attractive, friendly mind and _not_ very independent female), but in return require tons a lot from that average joe: stable job, tall, dark, looks, good to kids etc etc. I'll tell you - even not average joe who meets the standards is not willing to go for women who do not meet their standards: independence never been a turn on for men, being picky never being it either.
A reality check is common sense: to look at yourself first, 3.5 million single men can not be that bad, so it has somehting to do with your friends.
"A real friend will tell you when you have spinach stuck in your teeth."
...Oh gosh,... you love spinach ;)
Well throw in the fact most of them are single moms...yea that makes it harder-and im a single mom as well. Narrows the field even more. Cant deny that one BBC1.
In talking and knowing them-theyre not looking for someone whose wealthy and hot-just someone who will treat them with respect. Thats a huge problem with some of them. Theyre past relationships(mine too) there was no respect. There are alot of issues here BBC1 its not as easy as one two three in my area. The baggage that some have or the baggage they find in a guy. Its like hit and miss.
Like I said Ive been finding my own anwsers as i go along with this one. But the bottom line remains-youve got put yourself out there if you want to meet someone.
most of em are single moms cuz they had sex in their teenage years
Women amaze me. You are the ones with the power. You have the Punani. A Female can walk up to near any guy in a bar and just simply say, "Hey, you wanna go somewhere, get naked and F**k till we sweat?" And it will work. A guy says that and he gets slapped, gets laid or gets kicked out. If you'rer female and you disagree...you're out there.
oh well that can go two ways ya know! Men have the cock...which some woman want. Its a double standard there...a man getn a slap shot for being aggressive. Women get what they want. I do agree. Those double standards suck.
Squirrley,
I agree, it is definitely not easy for moms. And yes - youve got put yourself out there to meet people. Next thing that I am curious of is.. how to put yourself out there.
I recently talk to a women, her first quiestion was kinda "regular" what do you do for a living? It is ok, but I dont like if it is _her first question_. She's got three kids, divorced and talks most of the time about her kids and how tough is was for her in her marriage.
I understand everyone is eligible to have her own baggage, all right.
But does she think anything she said is gonna make me think "oh she is the woman I look for?". In other words, where is her advertisement? Was that it?
Or I missed somthing?
I know it is improtant for her, her kids and their support in terms of money.
But I see no reason to say those things upfront.
(and I see no reason to get many kids and than divorce. Not good at all...)
In a nutshell - Good self-advertisement makes a difference.
Squirrley, I am curious - do you think your friends are good at
self-advertisement? at least are they aware of what good and what is not that good in terms of speaking about yourself?
I'm probably going to get flamed for this but unless you are one of the following girls are only going to want you as a friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by Innova
1. Bad boy
2. Rich Boy
3. Boy band Cute Boy
4. Fast Car Boy
5. Brad Pitt looks Boy
If you aren't one of the following, well my name is Sean and we'll be doing alot of drinking together.
uh no. I disagree with asking a man right up front with "what do you do for a living?" I want to get to know HIM not his money making potential. As far as my friends-they may ask it-2 of my friends have 3 kids the other has 4. BUT theyre making it on theyre own financially. Might be tight-but theyre doing it and better themselves.
As far as theyre own selling points on first dates? Hmm-well I know one of my friends got too personal too quick. The x's and the kids. But shes an adult and took the conversation from his cues and his open discussions.
I think the first impressions are the most crucial-but I dont think its right to be fake about it either-dont pretend to be someone youre not just to get the second date. Im not out on dates with my friends so I dont know how theyre behaving. Im not a date counselor. But I do know I wouldnt divulge EVERYTHING about my life in 2 hours.
I like to talk about hobbies sports things like that-leave money, x's, those sort of things out. As for my friends I dont know..honestly I dont know what theyre saying about themselves or asking...Im assuming its along the same lines but Im beginning to wonder.
I am going to get flamed for THIS:
Men... ten a penny.
AmericanBastard,
Do you know what happend to people with too much power?
They eventually got spoiled. For some women "who got the power" who used to have what they want just bcz they are females (kids, things, money)
it might be the case. And then it goes like this:
She: "Hey, you wanna go somewhere, get naked and F**k till we sweat?"
He: Oh... Ahh... yeah :smug:
She: What you got? You gotta have respect for me, stable job - I have kids you know... etc etc
He: Hmm.. I got to get going...
This is one of the scenarios why it may not work.
Now comes interesting part: that man wants sex, very natural and in most cases pleasant for both parties thing. that woman wants support for theri kids upfront. Natural thing, but not pleasant at all for a man who did not even saw the kids, why would he be willing to agree to spend his money on not his kids?
Bottom line is: you got kids, they are importnat to you, ok, but do not talk about it at first. Do not put yourself first.
....You can catch more flies with a drop of honey than with
a gallon of vinegar.
Yeah, women do have sex in their teenage years...didn't you?! (What! Loser.) It's just that women, unlike men those bastards, get impregnated. If men were the ones to bear children then our planet would explode with people.Quote:
Originally Posted by MegansMP