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Maybe you shouldn't cheat on people. Then this wouldn't be a problem for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by flea [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Not making a judgement on whether it's right or wrong to tell, just sayin'.
Thanks for eveyone who took the time to reply.
At this point I am working on moving past it. I kind of agree that she doesn't deserve to have to keep taking my shit about it. She's been a good sport about listening to my feelings and trying to understand them while still standing up for herself.
During our conversations about this I found out she's slept with around 20 guys, and she's only 23. (Not that I'm surprised by this, considering the bathroom incident). She's also had a few farily long relationships, so if you take out the time she's been in relationships, she slept with a lot of guys in a really short period of time.
Is this in and of itself a major warning sign? I don't have any moral objections, exactly. I don't think it's "wrong" to have a one night stand if that's what both people want.
But is it normal for someone who's slept with a lot of people to eventually find someone they love and then settle down and be happy, or am I just kidding myself?
I wouldn't worry so much about her numbers as whether some of those people were also friends of yours.
Having a past isn't a big deal. Being secretive is.
slept with around 20 guys? so its not 20 but the minimum is 20? either way 20 is a big number. Dude just date her. You shouldnt be in a relationship with a girl that guy trained by 20 guys. think bout it. 20 guys went in and out and your the 21st. thats sick! a girl like that is only good for dating but shes not worth it getting all serious. you can find a better girl than that.Quote:
Originally Posted by ctom18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Also, you should tell al girlfriend. why do you need to keep it from her. put yourself in her shoes. Wouldnt you want to know?
Its funny how this forum hates cheaters but tells you that its none of your business to tell al's gf that al cheated. lol hypocrites...
Boo. If this had been a woman bitching about numbers you'd be giving props all around.Quote:
Originally Posted by davidtorres [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My tally has hit 13. I am 24. I also started at 15. When I was 20/21 I had ended a serious relationship, had a few FWBs, and just hung out with friends. BFD, it happens.
And I am in no way a hypocrite. Can you imagine the problems that would create? Al's girlfriend probably wouldn't believe him, and if she did, it'd create a whole slew of drama. I reiterate, for all you know, they could have talked about it, or they have an open relationship. If, however, he continues hooking up with your would-be girlfriends, I'd end the friendship. Whats making you stay, anyway?
bitch!!!!!!!!!!
^uh... what?
OP: Her story makes sense. And as others have said, you can't hold anything against her that she did when you were NOT a couple. This reminds of that episode of Friends when Monica originally intended to hook up with Joey (when they were in London), but ran into Chandler instead - he finds out later and feels bad, etc. The moral of the story is, even IF she wanted to be with him that one night (in a purely physical, drunk sort of way), she still CHOSE to be with you for a REAL relationship. She didn't have to start dating you at all; she could have just kept pining away for your friend, chasing him, calling him, trying to get between him and his gf, etc. But she didn't. And, as you said yourself, your relationship is great - so I'm pretty sure she feels the same. You just can't compare drunken sex with a stranger with a serious, committed relationship, most of which has been experienced sober, I'm assuming.
Oh and by the way, who cares about her sexual past? That's her business, not yours. What matters is your time together now. Let's not be overly judgemental. Why is it ok for a guy to sleep around but not a female? Explain that to me please. That's fine if you're a virgin and want to end up marrying a virgin; there's no problem with that, but if you've slept around too then you have no business judging someone else for doing the exact same thing you have.
I agree. And again, who were you chasing after for a one-nighter that you couldn't pick up on the fact she was probably hitting on you?Quote:
Originally Posted by kms [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
20 isn't so many. I've been with about 80 or 85, and nobody blames me or questions my ability to settle down, so why should this be true of women? Sexism, pure and simple. I've been with women who were virgin and with women , who have had multiple partners. The Pu**y feels pretty much the same, and the expertise is much better. Integrity comes from within, how much you **** or how little, has little effect on honesty.
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Originally Posted by ctom18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
this isn't about me, this is about your pathetic insecurities you limp-wristed chump.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ctom18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
yes, you're "just sayin'" that your friendship ended the minute you found out your buddy had a good time with someone you ended up with. let me ask you this.....would it bother you so much if he had done this with just some skank that neither of you had any further contact with? of course it wouldn't. you are projecting your inner-pussy and looking for payback, pure and simple. as I said earlier - either get over yourself, or dump her. whatever get's you through the night.
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Originally Posted by davidtorres [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I never said hated anyone except for pricks who betray friendships.
That was a damned fine post.Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryville [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Thanks Gig, I appreciate it. This whole idea of people , who have had a varied sexual past, not being relationship material, is full of crap. All it means is that they have experienced life and are mature enough to know what they want.
I, myself, am reaping the rewards of having a very experienced husband. That man is skilled.
First of all, calm down.Quote:
Originally Posted by flea [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I will admit that it bothers me MORE than it might otherwise because I am so intimately involved in the situation, and that my feelings are a little more prone to wanting to mess things up with them just because I'm upset (I know, not a good reason).
However, if he had done this with someone I never knew and never saw again, it would still bother me A WHOLE LOT, because I am fairly good friends with his girlfriend and don't think she deserves to be treated that way.
(For the record, I'm probably not going to tell her).
I'll ask one question....
If cheating is a forgivable, everyday offense that is no big deal, then why the need to keep it a secret at all costs?
I will say that this whole situation has made me realize how much I really love this girl. I've broken up with many people for far less. That's mostly why I'm so upset. I kind of wish I could just break up with her and move on with my life, but I know I would regret that. I can picture myself years down the line kicking myself because I messed things up with a girl I loved more than anyone I can even remember for something that wasn't even technically wrong for her to do. It definately still bothers me though.
Things have gotten better in my mind lately, and I think over time my state of mind about this will only improve.