Well, She's in Love With Him:(

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Originally Posted by RogerPodacter

But eventually we got to more serious issues about us. I wont go any further except to say that i'm not sure if i did the right thing (even though its way too late anyway to save anything between us anyway at this point). But I spent about the last full hour of our conversation in tears, spilling every thought and emotion that i had in me to her. I told her how hard it is for me without her. How she doesnt truly understand what an important presence she was in my life. How much i valued her as a lover and friend for the last 6 years of my life. How special she was to me because i didnt have the most healthy childhood and family life, so she became the most solid and important presence in my life. How i loved her more than anything in the world and would do anything to make her happy. How much i missed her and missed being able to confide in her. How i would give anything just for one last <hug>, <kiss>, <drink>, <cuddle>, etc. How hard it is for me to get close to someone and open up to them, which i was with her. I let it all out, and in a way it felt great. And i also felt bad for dropping all that on her, and for letting her know badly she hurt and crushed me. She just listened. She continually said how sorry she was, how bad she felt for hurting me, how she missed me. And she cried at times. There were times when we both were choked up.

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In a way, I think anyway, that that's a good thing that you got to talk to her like that and get all of your feelings out like that. I didn't get the chance to do that. And I think keeping all that pent up inside can make things a lot worse. I'm glad you were able to say you're happy for her and mean it, even though you may be hurting. That I think is one of the biggest steps you can take towards being friends...

I haven't replied to any of your messages but have read everything with interest (basically because I was going through a similar thing). I guess this is what people call closure.

Onwards & upwards from hereon in (even if it requires friends hauling you up by the seat of your pants, as mine are frequently doing at the moment!)

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Originally Posted by Rach

I know exactly how you feel in that situation. And yes, sometimes it just happens, people "fall out of love". But I think you should be open and honest with the person then at that point,a nd not drag the hurt on and on. Like she did in your case.

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I told her that I wish she would have told me the first night we broke up "I've fallen out of love with you and I dont have the same feelings for you anymore." But she said that wasnt how she felt at the time, that she WAS still in love with me and had feelings, she just wanted a break :shocked:

so why did this happen?!?! i had to just sit back and watch her fall out of love with me, and watch my relationship go down the sh*tter. in Feb 04 she was interviewing near my apartment cause we were talking about moving in together. things were great between us. now she is in love with someone else and talking about moving in with him. WHAT HAPPENED! it isnt fair.

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Originally Posted by Rach

My ex did the same thing, except when that "better" woman broke his heart he came crying back, and it took me 2 weeks of his begging, but I realised I did not need him, or even want him anymore. HE hurt ME, and I was not gonna let him do it again.

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Well this guy that my ex is now with has liked her for many years. So i'm sure he is gonna really try and make her happy. If he does leave her i think she knows that she couldnt return to me because how ruined things are between us.

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Originally Posted by Rach

But, it's a very good thing you realised it's over and that YOU don't want HER back.
That's a big step to take, and I think once you reach that point it slowly (and I mean slowly) starts to get better and hurt less. And, I know it may not seem it right now, but you will find someone better. It may take some time, but you will.

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oh i know its over, and i know i'm not "supposed" to want her back. Everything in my brain doest want her back. But my heart still wont let go and that part of me does want her back. its so hard to move on and meet someone. it was hard enough just meeting her! i hope hope i do meet someone better. i really do..

So let me get this straight.

A) You two were madly in love and were meant to be together forever.
B) She broke it off with you because she was unhappy.
C) She said she would get back with you in a heartbeat? Or that she was serious about getting back with you.
D) She started to see the other guy after 2 weeks of your 'break' from each other.
E) She said she is in love with the other guy.

Sorry to bring up all these depressing points. But sometimes you just have to deal with it, just like everyone says. Personally, I think she was stringing you along. I mean she said POINT C but did POINT D and E. Maybe she loves the fact that she has a guy to fall back on (sorry to say thats u). Or maybe her new man doesnt provide the emotional support that you gave her (not yet anyways). It seems like she likes hearing the fact that you miss her, want her cant live without her. She is stringing you along, stop calling her (period). You wont find closure by talking to her if she keeps feeding you BS about getting back together with you. If she really believes that she wants to get back with you and you two were meant to be, she would have done it already. So point A is out of the question.

I know this is sad advice. But I've been throught it and actually, it feels even better to get over it and fall out of love. Its a better feeling than falling 'in love' because at that point, you gain yourself back.... you're at a point where you love yourself more than anyone else and thats how it should be, you cant love someone else if you dont love yourself first (or give yourself some respect and stop letting her take advantage of you).

Good Luck

Hey man, Im in a similar situation, g/f broke things up, and i was on a major downer cos she was my life away from home but i beleive things happen for a reason so I picked my self up again, or at least tried to. Then i found out within 4 days of us breaking up she had slept with another guy and that just pushed me down even further.
We broke up cos she didnt want to be tied down so young and wants to live the single life again. And its hard for me to even think of her in another relationship.
But its been two weeks now, (not long i know), but cos im living mostly on my own as a result, ive had plenty of time to think. Ive realised that she was an important part of my life and i feel strongly about the "what if's" and the "if only's" in our relationship. But then i think "what if" i had never met her and it was some one else instead, would i be happier? The people you meet and are with can change the whole path of your life for better or worse. I believe that things happen for a reason and if you and her wernt ment to be, its better to end it now while you have SIX good years together than twenty bad and realise you have been with the wrong person most of your life and be left thinking......"if only"!!!