Like a billion little shards of glass, all set on fire.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brokendown [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I posted again and we did break up... because I'm not a "pathetic puddle of a woman" and this is where I'm saying I've had enough. I know I can't be with him anymore and still respect myself as a human being.
I'm just disgusted with him, I can't eat or sleep or think.

You said there was no romance... it couldn't be farther from the truth. He was always taking me out, planning romantic days. When I was sick or sad or anything, he would go out of his way and out of his budget to right things, to make me feel better. Every night before he went to sleep he would call and leave me a voicemail that would just go on and on about how important I am to him. Literally every night, even if we'd been fighting. We had conversations where we both confided secrets that not even our best friends know. We have fun together, we constantly laugh. Our sex life was wonderful as well.

It just kills me that I feel like his dishonesty is the one thing keeping me from the love of my life. I keep asking him why he did it and his only answer is that he was scared to tell me. But how can he still be scared of that when I'm holding him and looking him in the eye and saying "we'll work through ANYTHING as long you're honest with me"? I put myself out there, stretched way farther than was reasonable in an effort to trust him. And I got nothing.

What mostly confuses me is that sometimes he'll tell me the truth. And then I'll find out that he lied to me about the same thing he told me the truth about.

We talked last night and I was pretty mean to him. He's a complete wreck, he keeps just telling me that he misses me and he loves me but I didn't deserve to be lied to. He still insists that he never cheated on me. I just don't know what to believe. He can tell me that all he wants, and it could be true. But I'd still have to be an idiot to believe it.

This is just so hard. I really, really miss him. I wish there was some magical way to just KNOW exactly what happened and KNOW that he'll never lie to me again. If only. :/

I'm sorry if I assumed he wasn't a romantic guy. I think we are all romantic in a way, I'm just wondering if at THIS point in the relationship with all the problems is that is he still being that romantic? I'm sure he was before, what about now? It's hard to believe he can be fooling around with other girls AND treating you like a princess at the same time. I'm just concerned that you are idolizing the past and what he USED to do. That's all, it's hard to know what to do or say when I'm not in the situation with you two.

I understand he hurts and that he loves you and misses you and NOW all the sudden he is saying these things and doing these things when HE feels like crap. I just think he is looking out for his own self interest, which is him wanting you back in his life for you to fulfill all the needs you used to and now cannot. I don't think he even knows or understands what he has put you through and what he continues to put you through with the panic and the complaining about HIM. If he accepted his responsibility that he messed up, accepts that he is a liar and that you don't tolerate that, that would be a whole different story. I think he would leave you alone then. But he doesn't and won't and he won't change no matter how much he tells you he has if he is still coming at you with all this desperation.

People break up all the time. I think it says alot about our character with how we deal with it. He's tugging at your heartstrings and trying to claw his way back into a broken relationship because he knows you still love and care about him. I'm telling you his motivation is in his own self interest. Do not be scared or afraid of what else is out there, and it's going to take some serious effort to fight the loneliness and the hurt we all feel when we break up. You have to be strong here. It takes time for you to heal and he needs to not interfere. It takes time for him to change, and he cannot possibly change if he is trying any way possible to get you back because as soon as he does get you back, and you get comfortable again, he's back to the same old tricks. I say this as a guy that's gotten a million chances and the one that threw my bullshit back in my face is the one I respect and the one that I have truly learned and changed from.