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Post a pic. If you are too shy to post yourself then a pic of someone you think you resemble in looks and style. You'll get honest feedback. Lots of young females here as well as parents (like me) so you'll get a good range of ideas.
Tho GUoGS makes a good point: you need to ask out more girls. Develop a thicker skin about being shot down, it happens to everyone. Its that Gretsky quote about missing 100% of the shots you don't take.
I dunno, I think I'm just so confused as to how attractive of a girl I could reasonably expect to get with, that it throws my whole perception of "attraction" out of whack. Any time I do find a girl attractive, my immediate thought is "Too attractive for me", and then that part of my mind just shuts down and stops thinking about it. And of course, with girls I'm just flat out not attracted to, I'm not drawn to them. Thing is, I've fallen into this habit so much that that's why I really don't notice attractive girls, anymore, because I'm so used to just shutting it down, that my mind just does it automatically now.Quote:
Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not really worried so much about being "shot down", it's just a personal preference, for me, that I have the time to get to know a girl before I decide if I'd like to date her. Sort of a "friends first" scenario, but not so much so as to fall into the "friend zone". Does that make sense? A lot of the people I know that are in happy, successful relationships got to spend at least a little time getting to know their partners before they started dating (whether it be because they had a class together and got to know each other through there, or some other shared hobby/ activity), and that's the ideal situation for me. It just never seems to happen for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
As for a pic, eh... I'm a bit finicky with pictures of myself, so I only have, like, one handy (just a fairly low res shot of my face).
[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I never implied you were overweight, trust me you don't have to be a meathead to be attractive to females. Getting into a good cardio shape IS noticeable and most people find it attractive and associate it as a sign that you take care of yourself.
Ok to start with, nothing wrong with how you look.
The chicky with the messing around problem, when I was younger I was promiscuous. I have been guilty of what this little tart has done. (yes I was a little tart too) When I would cull someone from the chances list it was because they just weren't up to scratch. Sure I was sleeping with lots of people but I was still discerning. Usually the guys I wouldn't touch were the ones that had shown no interest, were too shy for my own good or were simply unattractive to me. Strangely enough, out of one of the friendship groups I slept most of my way through, one of the guys I always refused to touch is one of the few guys from that group I can now respect.
You need to open up more. You can make up excuses for how hard it is for you until the cows come home. I back up the exercise idea. It will build your personal confidence. When you feel good, you look good and when you look good you'll draw people to you.
Also, avoid rating attractive people as out of your league. My man thought I was out of his league. Now he thoroughly enjoys seeing people give us the "how did he get her???" look. :) I'm not all that great, I just scrub up REALLY well (not full of myself, I just know how to work my assets when I have to). I'm also one of those late bloomers. I went through high school thinking I was ugly, not just unattractive, ugly. I was about 19 when I realised I wasn't that bad, and 21 when I realised I was capable of achieving gorgeous (and on occasion stunning).
My point being that not all attractive women actually think that much of themselves and therefore aren't necessarily out of any league.
Dates are social encounters. That's what dating is for, to figure out if you're attracted to someone enough to want to make things more serious. Asking someone out on a date doesn't mean much, really, especially at your age. So you don't have to have a crush on someone to ask them out. That's too much pressure, anyway. Maybe try some dating sites. Ask out every girl who responds to you, even the ones that aren't your type. You could really use the practice. I bet it would help you get used to being around females.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indestructible [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And you say you want a "friends first" scenario, so how many times have you ever even initiated friendship with a girl? Nothing is going to happen for you if you sit around waiting for it to fall in your lap. Get out there.
Oh, yeah, no, I didn't mean to make it sound like you implied that, I was just speaking generally. But I dunno, even if I could definitely be in better shape, I'm pretty content with the way I am now. Not only that, but I've known plenty of guys that are heavier and/ or "huskier" than I am, and they still managed to date smaller, fairly attractive girls. So, in a way, I sort of feel like, if they can get good looking girls despite being more overweight and/ or out of shape than I am, why shouldn't I be able to, too? I dunno, maybe I'm just justifying my own laziness.Quote:
Originally Posted by fun2bwith45 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Heh, easier said than done. When you've spent as much time as I have training my mind to assume girls wouldn't be interested, it's kind of hard to break that habit.Quote:
Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes, it is a hard habit to break, though it has to be done. If you are emanating a "I'm just not good enough" no woman will be attracted to you. Actually, remove the if from that sentence. You are giving women that vibe, hence why the little tartlet would sleep with everyone but you. I'm sorry if that came across as a little blunt.
This^. You are a fine looking fellow. Nice, pensive photo. You look like my neighbour's son and he dates plenty of girls. The fact you are clever is a plus on your side.Quote:
Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So, its a volume issue. Put yourself out there more and you'll do fine.
take pride in your appearance....not for others but for yourself, and if you think you look just fine the way you are, then you should EASILY be able to exhibit that outwardly in public via CONFIDENCE.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Heh, I'm "clever"? Interesting you'd say that, because that's always been my biggest fear for if I ever do manage to find a girl that wants to be more than friends with me; that is, I've never considered myself "clever" or "creative" enough to keep a girl's interest. That is, I don't know where to take a girl on a date, I don't know any good "date" places at all in my area, I don't know any fun activities we could do together, etc. Given the time to do some research, I could maybe properly plan one date, but after that, they'd pretty much be pretty run-of-the-mill, and I'd imagine that'd be pretty dull to a girl.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Wow!!! You're assuming wayyyyyy too many things about what the girl won't like about you. Girls are reallllly not that hard to please. I'm your age, and a girl, and trust me, at the end of the day all I really want to know is that my bf loves me no matter what. Everything else is irrelevant. Even run-of-the-mill dates seem like heaven when you're in love. She won't be bored! The creative, funny boys only seem so for the first year or so..after that, I find almost everyone gets predictable. At that point, the only thing that keeps me is their genuine care and love for me. Stop assuming things and push yourself. I know its soooo hard!!! But baby steps.
This isn't rocket science. Plan 5 dates instead of one. Write your ideas down someplace. By the 3rd date, you'll know if you are into each other or not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indestructible [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You really beat yourself up, btw. Stop it. You sound like a perfectly nice young man. Get yourself out there for the girls and dilute the assholes a bit, would you? ;)