Just a quick question? I dont want to be unfair.

Frankly I'm surprised why you keep reiterating the same thing. We get it, he's a douche and he treats you like shit. Please, when you come back in may it be to say that you've finally told him that the relationship is over. As has been mentioned, make sure you have a friend, parent, police officer with you when you tell him.

... and, for gawd sakes, DO NOT take him back when he begs and tells you that he's a changed man. This guy will not change without anger management classes and being educated about his inappropriate need to be in control of you and everyone around you.

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, in the beginning he wasnt like this. I knew he could get rowdy, but that wasnt attracted me. He was quiet and shy around me, i thought it was quite cute to be honest. He never tried to sleep with me, just genuinely liked to hang out and spend time with me. When we began dating, he was always all over me, couldnt keep his hands off me. When we went out he made me feel like the most special girl in the world, always had his hand round me, always affectionate, always caring. If a guy ever used to come onto me when we first started dating, he would turn around and politely tell him to back off, and i just felt really special to him. It was amazing at first and i wouldnt ever asked for more.
He used to be so caring, for my birthday we had been dating just shy a year. My birthday gift was something he had been adding to since we met, a pandora charm bracelet with a charm for every memorable moment we had. He was just SO caring and thoughtful it was amazing.
Then things started to turn after the 18 months mark, an old friend, one of my best old friends, had invited me to the town fair one day, he said it in front of my boyfriend and my boyfriend just punched him backwards off the chair out of nowhere with no warning. I remember the shock i felt so clearly, he was never an angry person around me and i just remember that been one of the first times. Then it just got worse, if i did something he didnt like or didnt want to do, he would go into rages..Then he would feel so sorry afterward, often cry about it to me and squeeze me apologising..

It just got worse and worse and it killed me to see him like that.. I hated to see him upset so i started being more careful around him to keep these things from happening. It got to the point of me staying home all the time alone, i lost my friends, i was lonely and down all the time. I started to resent him for being able to do whatever he liked but i couldnt... It just got worse..
For the past few times we have been out together, i have met him and his friends and i am shocked to see what he is like to be honest, he will deliberately start fights with people, he and his friends will figure out ways to start brawls.. He is just a different person to when i first met him.

It has been a nightmare really, to feel this 'too good to be true' type of love and then losing it and not being able to do anything about it. I would just hope and pray he would see what he was doing, but it just never happend. Now it is to the point of him seeming to 'hate' me almost. He says he loves me too much and he doesnt know how to control it.
Its just really confusing and complicated really.. Its sad to have lost someone who i loved so much.

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I don't know this guy except from your descriptions, but I'm certain that he was always a violent a-hole. He was just on his best behavior around you at first. He is not a different person now, he is the same, you just finally got to know what he is really like. And he isn't going to change for you, he seems to actually enjoy being a violent jerk, plotting with his friends to start brawls, trying to get your help in tracking down a guy to punch in the face, etc. He is a monster, and you need to stop lying to yourself about it. Leave him now, or continue to suffer. There is nothing confusing about this situation.

This is the same douchebag that bit you?!

It's not "a guy thing". There's actually a legal term for it... It's Assault and Battery. What he did to you was, too. I went to jail for far less than what he did to you.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

... and, for gawd sakes, DO NOT take him back when he begs and tells you that he's a changed man. This guy will not change without anger management classes and being educated about his inappropriate need to be in control of you and everyone around you.

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^^^This. I didn't until I did.

You need to leave now! The next step is for him to hit you and believe me, it will happen. He sounds just like my ex-- all the same behaviors and it does escalate. He will never change so don't even think about that-- just leave!!

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Originally Posted by Benni [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You need to leave now! The next step is for him to hit you and believe me, it will happen. He sounds just like my ex-- all the same behaviors and it does escalate. He will never change so don't even think about that-- just leave!!

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And it's bolded, so you know it's true.

YEP!! You got that right!

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree, his attempt to teach this guy a lesson is insane. I couldnt believe it when he said it! My friend is a lot smaller than my boyfriend and not as confrontational, whereas my boyfriend is that guy who looks for brawls with others when we go out.. I dont want to sh*t to start and no doubt il be to blame for everything.
I dont want to be controlled and right now i feel like he is pushing me to do everything his way.. No matter what i feel. Thats why i feel suffocated, he is a mean person. When i first met him he was a loving, caring (a little stupid at times) but i admired him. Now, his true side is coming out.. Its not nice to see someone i love act this way..
The worst thing being, i feel bad, he says it is me that brings this out in him.. That i bring this out of him and lead him to act insanely.. But he says its because he cares..

So i told him i didnt think he was being fair and he is saying that he needs me to change otherwise he is leaving me now.. Should i just agree and say go ahead?

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The short, and most important, answer here is "no". Don't initiate or go along with any sort of breakup unless it is with someone (or multiple someones) that can protect you. For all you know he may be looking for a reason to put you in the hospital or in a body bag just like he looks for reasons to start fights with others. Safety first. You need to be rid of him as soon as possible. Until then you need to deal with this guy like you would a vicious junk yard dog, very cautiously.

Take it from all us ho were in abusive relationships.....we know the signs, we have been in it, we all had hoped things would get better, we heard the "I'm sorry I wont do it again, I will treat you better (bull sh it), I love you I didnt mean it, blah blah blah.....heed our warnings! leave him.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Take it from all us ho were in abusive relationships.....we know the signs, we have been in it, we all had hoped things would get better, we heard the "I'm sorry I wont do it again, I will treat you better (bull sh it), I love you I didnt mean it, blah blah blah.....heed our warnings! leave him.

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Exactly. This will NOT change. They're master manipulators, he'll say what you want to hear so you'll keep him around.

Let me try to play devil's advocate for a moment here.

OP, you should stay with this guy in hopes that he somehow just gets nicer. Let him bite you from time to time if he feels it's necessary, and the occasional punch never really hurt anybody. The power of your love will eventually transform him into a wonderful person.

Oh, the hell with it. Dump this evil loser as soon as possible.

Thanks for all the feedback, i didnt expect so much!

I know it is time to leave, i know i have gotten to the point of doing it also, i dont fear the breakup like i used to fear it. I kind of just fear giving the 'end of all' if that makes sense. Actually saying, right its over and im not coming back and sticking to it. I dont want to be with him anymore, i realised this when i started looking at other men and started feeling attraction to other people. I never did this before when everything was good, now i just feel the need to bolt every chance i get and its bad.
I guess i have just clung on to the hope that the times he has been physical, has just been a one off thing and wont happen again. I guess until he gets some sort of help its not going to happen..

I dont think he would try to harm me if i left, there has been times he has wanted to leave me too but we have talked through it and tried to be together... He knows its coming, i dont think he even wants to be with me anymore either to be honest, i know he doesnt enjoy this is as much as i dont.
I guess the only thing i am not looking forward to is when he finds someone else and treats me better.. Thats kind of the only thing i dread.. I dont know, i guess it really is time to leave. I havnt seen him in a while, i refuse to go see him anyway after this incident 2 weeks ago..he freaked out in front of everybody and seriously embarrassed me. I cant forgive him for it, and i just dont feel the need to see him.

I text him last night.. (i feel bad doing it over text :( .. ) But i said that it wasnt working, that i needed to move on with my life and be alone as i cannot forgive him for the things he has done. Today he just text and said he missed me but i ignored it. He will probably be out drinking his sorrows away today, but i know as soon as he is broke, stuck at home he will start texting and calling, i might be back for advice then.

Thanks again everybody.

One more thing, the only thing i cant believe, is him being manipulative. Does he really sound like that what he is doing?
I just never deemed him to be that smart, like, to be manipulative wouldnt you have to be some what smart and cunning? It seems like this guy only functions off of pure emotion, usually anger or fear. But i just cannot see him to actually think about something and think of the outcome of that, if that makes any sense?
I dont want to call him dumb, but that is kind of what im getting at. lol

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He will probably be out drinking his sorrows away today, but i know as soon as he is broke, stuck at home he will start texting and calling, i might be back for advice then.

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I can give you advice on that right now. Don't answer his texts or his calls. Don't even view the texts. Too tempting for you to text back to him. The rule of thumb for you, now, should be No Contact-- none. If he's like every other abusive asshole I've known, he will definitely try to sweet talk you back into his arms. Stay clear.

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

One more thing, the only thing i cant believe, is him being manipulative. Does he really sound like that what he is doing?
I just never deemed him to be that smart, like, to be manipulative wouldnt you have to be some what smart and cunning? It seems like this guy only functions off of pure emotion, usually anger or fear. But i just cannot see him to actually think about something and think of the outcome of that, if that makes any sense?
I dont want to call him dumb, but that is kind of what im getting at. lol

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When people are manipulative like this man is, it comes naturally due to emotional immaturity and the inability to be vulnerable to another so they use tactics instead of words and actions to get what they want. IMO, it has sweet bugger all to do with intelligence. Don't kid yourself though. I'm thinking he's very cunning.

Kudos for having the strength to sever this union. In time you'll know without a doubt that you've done the right thing so don't cave to any of his begging and manipulation when/if you find yourself answering his texts.