What are 5 things that annoy/offend/ or anger you when men look for sex?

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Originally Posted by subtlety [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A guy can want to sleep with you and your okay with that but if he doesn't want to be in a relationship you are offended? What if it's was only a non-serious relationship?

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As long as the guy is trying to make an effort to get to know me, and become a friend or sex-friend its okay, they don't have to be looking for anything long term. But guys that just come up to me and say I have a nice body.. your bf doesnt need to know etc.. is completely insulting because it insinuates Im an easy piece of ass AND a cheater. Even if your intentions are sex, you should make an effort to get to know her and not make it a one-night stand (or at least not make it SEEM like a one night stand). I haven't came across any girls that go out looking for one night stands themselves, though Im sure theyre out there.

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Originally Posted by subtlety [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I see sex as something you do WITH somebody not TO somebody. The problem with rhetorical questions are that I might not agree with their gist even if obviously I'm not about being an ATM money machine for anybody. You miss the point of the discussion.

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Sex is no longer something to do WITH somebody when you are not connecting with that person. It is something you do TO somebody if you only see them as a piece of meat and it is only about your own selfish needs. That is what I mean when I said women would feel used.

I am really surprised you actually need to ask something like this. A person with an average social intelligence would already know intuitively.

Fact of the matter is, the average woman doesn't want to have sex with someone just to get their rocks off. Women generally have sex to deepen a connection with someone they want to be connected to.

There's a common theory that if a guy walks up to 10 women and says "hey, wanna ****?" he'll get slapped 9 times but it's worth it for the one who says 'oh yeah'. The 9 girls will have felt like a piece of meat as if they are nothing but a body.. Often not even that much, some guys have the ability to make women feel like just a hole and a pair of boobs. Surely you can understand why that would be offensive.

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Originally Posted by Tanguerra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Subtlety, you've asked a question and you've received numerous answers, all pretty similar. Is there something you're not getting about the answers? What the heck is a 'non-serious' relationship and how does that differ from 'casual sex'?

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Well it's different because you like the girl and know the girl and you don't just have only sex you do other things together but sex is the focus of the relationship though you can stop and just be friends. "Friends with benefits" You just enjoy being with each other and having sex as an important part of that.

I guess I don't understand how there is this "hook up culture" Maybe its not just thought of as casual sex for those who are a part of that culture.

You are right everyone is being very clear and consistent.

" he'll get slapped 9 times but it's worth it for the one who says 'oh yeah'. The 9 girls will have felt like a piece of meat as if they are nothing but a body.. Often not even that much, some guys have the ability to make women feel like just a hole and a pair of boobs. Surely you can understand why that would be offensive." Yes I would. Sex is very mysterious and a woman's body to me transcends what can be defined / it's a symbolic expression of a very meaningful feminine otherness to me but it isn't by any means the entirety of a person. There are a lot of very mean people in this world who like to put others down and make them feel worthless. But I think maybe just because women experience men being demeaning in a sexual way that then suppose that all guys who desire sex have a similar way of thinking.

"as long as the guy is trying to make an effort to get to know me, and become a friend or sex-friend its okay, they don't have to be looking for anything long term" Right and I guess that is more along the lines of what I am looking for right now in my life. It's only that I am never sure of the limit and I am afraid that if I hang out with a gal for that reason unless I'm able to communicate why I desire to date her in the fist place she will be deceived. It's tricky.

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Originally Posted by subtlety [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Right and I guess that is more along the lines of what I am looking for right now in my life. It's only that I am never sure of the limit and I am afraid that if I hang out with a gal for that reason unless I'm able to communicate why I desire to date her in the fist place she will be deceived. It's tricky.

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Yeah I suppose its tricky. The best way to do it is just be interested in being friends and if she seems interested in sex as well then let her know up front you want it to be casual. Its always better beforehand to let her know you're not looking for a relationship

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Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah I suppose its tricky. The best way to do it is just be interested in being friends and if she seems interested in sex as well then let her know up front you want it to be casual. Its always better beforehand to let her know you're not looking for a relationship

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Can't you be in a short term relationship if you are looking for a long term relationship? Or are short term relationships only for those who have no desire for a long term relationship? Surely it can't be true that you have to lie and say you aren't interested in a long term relationship if you want to be in a short term relationship because your just not having any luck find something more long term?

(Yeah I did say that I was more into a short term thing at this juncture of life but I think I was kidding myself I think about being in an LTR all the time but I also think about being in a short term relationship a lot too)

Short term fling = no commitments, no strings attached, just sex
short term relationship = either (1) premeditated to end by one or both people involved because they either do not want to commit or they just like the thrill of the beginnings of relationships (2) a committed relationship that just so happened to sour within a short amount of time
long term relationship = commitment to someone which could be lifelong

No matter which one of these you want, you need to be honest and upfront about your intentions, otherwise you will come off as a huge jackass. If you are in either a short or long term relationship and both of you agree to see other people, that is called being in an "open" relationship. If you are in a short term relationship and you want to find a long term relationship with someone else, you can extinguish the relationship or talk about it becoming "open" (good luck to having a girl agree to that). If you are in a short term relationship and want a long term relationship with the same person, then let them know how you feel.

It sounds like you are in, or wondering about if you can be in a short term relationship which you want to stay in, while trying to find someone else who is more long term material. What are you getting out of the short term relationship that you would not want to end it? Do you need to feel loved at all times? Are you using them for sex? Do you feel the relationship starting to slow down? You shouldn't lie about not wanting long term, but if shes not compatible with you, why keep her around at all?

You are afraid of what's on the other side of the door thats why. You dont want to end up being alone so you're using this girl until something better comes along. Just admit it already. Its not fair to the girl in the short term relationship to be with a guy who doesn't want to commit to her unless she is 100% cool with it being open or very casual, which most women aren't. Also you're hurting your chances of other girls wanting to be around you if you already have a girl on your arm, and some girls would think you're a total piece of shit if you're flirting with them when they saw you have a girl already.

WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF BEING SINGLE??????

The best thing you can do is FORGET about short term relationships altogether. Combine flings with looking for your long term gal. All short term relationships do is mess with girls minds.

I don't understand what the difference is between a fling and a short term relationship? All these words are kind of unfamiliar territory.

And no, I am not using anybody honestly. I'd like to be in a fling or a number of flings as I commence my search for a good partner. But that is different and less legitimate than a short term relationship?(maybe one of those flings will become my partner;I do not know sorry if that sounds naive)

Is a fling the sort of thing that women here have expressed that they feel offense? How is it different? Doesn't it involve a relationship component? I am confused. Please forgive my ignorance.

How old are you subtlety? Just curious. If you're only 18 or something, obviously you're too young to be thinking about settling down for life yet and probably have sex very much on your mind. Even so, it would be OK to be looking for a 'semi-serious' relationship with a girl (that would be an exclusive relationship that you both hoped would last at least a year or so) even if only for the practice, to learn about life and love and all that stuff.

If you're in your 30s it would be about time you had already figured some of this stuff out about 'girls' and what they like and don't like. It would certainly be about time you were starting to get serious about finding someone you really liked and might want to stay with for an extended period of time. Your choices will start to thin out by the time you reach 40, believe me. The 'good ones' will tend to be taken.

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Originally Posted by Tanguerra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How old are you subtlety? Just curious. If you're only 18 or something, obviously you're too young to be thinking about settling down for life yet and probably have sex very much on your mind. Even so, it would be OK to be looking for a 'semi-serious' relationship with a girl (that would be an exclusive relationship that you both hoped would last at least a year or so) even if only for the practice, to learn about life and love and all that stuff.

If you're in your 30s it would be about time you had already figured some of this stuff out about 'girls' and what they like and don't like. It would certainly be about time you were starting to get serious about finding someone you really liked and might want to stay with for an extended period of time. Your choices will start to thin out by the time you reach 40, believe me. The 'good ones' will tend to be taken.

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Look I am 31 and I am on Social Security for disability and I've never been in any kind of relationship but I started online dating recently. My sexual drive is the same as it ever was. I should already know these things? Boy that makes me upset and makes me feel pretty hurt. That invalidates the whole point of asking questions In the first place. if I should already know these things. Yes I would like some practice and experience before heading head long into something serious.

Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Just trying to get a bit of context so I could understand better what's going on here. Obviously if you haven't had a lot of dating experience, even at the age of 31 you would not just magically know all this stuff. Sorry if I offended you. It's OK to ask for advice, of course.

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Originally Posted by Tanguerra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Just trying to get a bit of context so I could understand better what's going on here. Obviously if you haven't had a lot of dating experience, even at the age of 31 you would not just magically know all this stuff. Sorry if I offended you. It's OK to ask for advice, of course.

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Thank you.

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Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The best thing you can do is FORGET about short term relationships altogether. Combine flings with looking for your long term gal. All short term relationships do is mess with girls minds.

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I really don't understand the distinction you are drawing. I asked my therapist today what "fling" meant and she told me a fling was a passionate short term relationship.