Now it's my mum

Thanks HIA, that was certainly worth the wait.

That's my mum in a nut shell. Thank you for pointing out the fear factor. It helps me understand her a bit more, which means I can be compassionate through this, even while I stand my ground. And I have to stand my ground. If I keep letting this happen she won't hit rock bottom hard enough to get help (mine was discovering that burying my shit started causing me seizures. How's that for a catalyst and coping mechanism. The brain is so fascinating!). I don't want to be her catalyst but if I'm prepared to get my brother locked away (which is the point that has gotten to, I just have to give the police the new info I received last night), I should be prepared to tell mum I need some space.

I've been considering writing her a letter, since she doesn't want to speak to me. I'm considering telling her I need the space, that I understand and love her and that I will be there for her in times of need and maybe something about her gaining some independence. I don't like the tension of not speaking to her. I can't get sucked in to being her booster seat again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That is hardest part.....letting go of all that guilt. All those years she has manipulated you into feeling guilt...it's still raw with me today, but I'm much better than I was 15 years ago.

---

Thank you again smackie. It's nice to know there are other people that get how hard this can be.

Slight update, I just now sent a text to my mum simply saying "Mum, I love you. I really do. Just want make sure you know that."
Not sure how that will go down.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks HIA, that was certainly worth the wait.

That's my mum in a nut shell. Thank you for pointing out the fear factor. It helps me understand her a bit more, which means I can be compassionate through this, even while I stand my ground. And I have to stand my ground. If I keep letting this happen she won't hit rock bottom hard enough to get help (mine was discovering that burying my shit started causing me seizures. How's that for a catalyst and coping mechanism. The brain is so fascinating!). I don't want to be her catalyst but if I'm prepared to get my brother locked away (which is the point that has gotten to, I just have to give the police the new info I received last night), I should be prepared to tell mum I need some space.

I've been considering writing her a letter, since she doesn't want to speak to me. I'm considering telling her I need the space, that I understand and love her and that I will be there for her in times of need and maybe something about her gaining some independence. I don't like the tension of not speaking to her. I can't get sucked in to being her booster seat again.

---

You certainly do need to stand your ground - if you backslide, she'll regain a small measure of control, and will use it again. With that in mind, I'd recommend NOT writing her a letter. Letters and texts are a terrible way to communicate, and it will likely only be taken the wrong way, given her current state of mind.

One thing I do want to impress on you - when she threatens ("If you ______, I'll _____"), turn it around on her. Nothing stops empty threats like calling them. I'll give you an example from my wife with her abusive asshole ex:

He used to say things to her like he was going to go out and get a better wife. One day she'd passed through fear and anger and gotten to indifference and merely said "make sure she does dishes." He quit saying it to her.

Another one - he used to threaten to leave her all the time. The last time he did, she said "I'll help you pack."

Call her bluffs. Just say "If that's what you want" and leave it.

Minx - I too have 'mother issues' so I'm going to defer to HIAs excellent post also. I will tell you that it took me until in my 30s to call my mother on her childish behaviour and shrug when she would do things like hang up the phone on me in a snit.

Its interesting tho, when one learns to stand up for oneself in one area, it inevitably snowballs into others. A good thing. Its hard to stay pointed high into the wind, but sometimes its the only way to get to finer shores. Stay true, Minx, you'll get there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She now refuses to talk to me and most likely expects me to apologise because she is the mother. If I was 16 I could understand that but I am thirty-bloody-two.

Venting done. Bravo to anyone who read the lot. I really needed to get that out of my system.

---

ahahahhahaahhahhaahhhaha, i have never seen a retarded stupid rude and brainless person, and childish person like this on this website!

this is the first topic where i say: MaidenMinx, you are a waste of time!

i think you have more issues then you mom and are the biggest problem.
How old are you little girl? are going to answer every piece of my reply? hhahaha
dont you know this is a forum. people give you stuff to think about.

my God!!!!!!! and i dont have a afro. what is the point of pointing to afro anyway.
you racist also!
kid i think you are bitter and ****ed up way before you where born!

Sick rude pink pig. im out of this topic. i don't waste time and knowledge on stupid people!
i think my reply was to much wisdom for your empty brain! You have to much grown up to do! and need more then just our replys!
And maybe serious Psychiatric help!

And if your mom is like you , witch i believe its so, then i understand how annoying some one like that is!
done!

(mickey mouse theme plays)

Who has a tiny brain and an opinion noone cares about?

C-H-E-E-K-X-S - youre-an-imbe-cile!

Maybe I shouldn't have sent the I love you text then, but I do, and I guess I want her to know that I do, regardless of all the crap.

It's been such a tough year for all of this. Since my first seizure I have discovered that I really need to reduce stress and start doing for me. Since then I have taken up study, improved my diet (as much as I can with the lack of appetite my meds induce), I have stopped drinking and the pot issue is becoming less and less of a problem.
Some people might think the study is extra stress, but it really isn't. I am thoroughly enjoying using my brain. It makes me groan sometimes ( I currently know more about politics then I ever wanted to know) but it is great overall.

My thanks button has disappeared, but if it were still here I would be thanking you for both your posts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My thanks button has disappeared, but if it were still here I would be thanking you for both your posts.

---

did you use up the thanks vote for the day?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loveadmin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

did you use up the thanks vote for the day?

---

I didn't realise this could be done. How many votes a day do we get?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cheekxs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

ahahahhahaahhahhaahhhaha, i have never seen a retarded stupid rude and brainless person, and childish person like this on this website!

this is the first topic where i say: MaidenMinx, you are a waste of time!

i think you have more issues then you mom and are the biggest problem.
How old are you little girl? are going to answer every piece of my reply? hhahaha
dont you know this is a forum. people give you stuff to think about.

my God!!!!!!! and i dont have a afro. what is the point of pointing to afro anyway.
you racist also!
kid i think you are bitter and ****ed up way before you where born!

Sick rude pink pig. im out of this topic. i don't waste time and knowledge on stupid people!
i think my reply was to much wisdom for your empty brain! You have to much grown up to do! and need more then just our replys!
And maybe serious Psychiatric help!

And if your mom is like you , witch i believe its so, then i understand how annoying some one like that is!
done!

---

Well are you a lovely little lollipop triple dipped in psycho?
You're still asking how old I am even though it says so in the quote you chose to use.
If you have no afro, then why does your pic? I can only comment based on what I have to go on, and a thick afro like that could very well be there to conceal the tiniest of brains. And no I am not racist. If a person has an afro and I comment on it, how could that possibly be racist? I do have a problem with stupidity though, and you, madam, are ahead of the curve when it comes to being thick. You honestly are as thick as 2 bricks.

Yes I know this is a forum which is why I have responded gratefully to all other respondents on this thread. There are many people I respect on this forum, you are not one of them. You annoy me and nearly everyone else on this forum, well the ones with brains anyway.

Pink pig? Why is the colour of my pigginess important? :O don't tell me YOU'RE a racist?

Yay!! You're out of my topic! God, I hope that is true (yes I meant true there, not through)!

I'm stupid? Yeah I am in some areas, but at least I paid enough attention in school to learn how to spell properly.
Knowledge? Wisdom? Sorry, all I saw in your post was a bunch of presumptions.
I'm sorry, " too much grown up to do"? You do realise that phrase makes no sense. Yes I do know what you meant. Learn to articulate yourself properly and people might take you seriously.

Seriously, though, did you really read my post? I have mentioned my age in there (which you have since asked for twice) AND I mentioned that I am getting help. That is half of my problem, I want to help myself, yet my mum won't help herself. For ****s sake cheeks, are you naturally this thick or did you have to work at it?

Oh, and I only answered one of your replies in detail, simply to point out how thick you are. I had hoped you might wake up to yourself, but no.

Also, you think I'm annoying? Go have a look in the mirror hun. You annoy everyone here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I didn't realise this could be done. How many votes a day do we get?

---

yea.. limited to 5 per day ..

Thank you for that info. I'll have to be more of a miser with my thanks.
Everyones reputation is open for attack though. :p (positive attacks for most)

By the way MM, I want to let you know that I'm certainly no saint, and have zero relationship with my mother anymore. Seriously, no contact. My crazy sister has alternately tried this and tried making up with her numerous times in the last several years.

She's tried to get me to also, and it led me to give her something to think about that you might want to think about too:

My sister said to me "You have no idea what her home life was when she was growing up. You have no idea what she went through."

I had to tell my sister, "I know what MY home life was like, I know what you and I both went through, and let me ask you this: Did you choose to treat your children that way, or did you choose differently?"

I chose differently... I made a conscious decision that I would not do to my children what she did to me, and my sister made the same choice. Our mother did NOT make that choice, she chose to continue the cycle of abuse and violence.

So did your mother.