here is almost what I want
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillinlove
Light dark, good evil, they really dont matter in the end. You know what is right and wrong. Confessing your sins to an invisible face helps alot, i know i talk to the dark all the time... But until youve come to terms with yourself over what youve done and what youve become. you will never find peace of mind. Look within yourself for once. Not in a selfish way, but look at yourself and accept what you are, and promise to change. I dont know if theres a god or not, but im pretty sure he would be tired of solving everyones problems by now. But what the hell do I know?
Stillinlove, I think you spelled my dilemma in your post. I have confessed my sins to an invisible figure whom I call god. I can see my changes and I utterly hate the person I have become over the years. Earlier I used to try to change my ways, but that never happened. Now I have come to a point where I feel that it wont happen ever, I wont be the good person I was once and that's the reason I am keeping myself away from god (shunning my faith, not being a believer anymore whatever).
Its kind of a cycle, I feel I need to clear all my guilt to be a good person again. But then its so overwhelming (believe me, I have not killed anyone or done anything bad to others) that I just keep doing the wrong things. So I dont feel close to god and that faithlessness kills me...
Anyway, I think I am rambling a lot, maybe I will give it a shot from home..