In Love with married woman...

Perhaps the fact that she is married and therefore "unavailable" turns you on in a unconscious level. You want what you can't have. You need to burst that fantasy bubble and snap back to reality. She is married with a child. If she ain't happy in her marriage, she could divorce her husband (no one is holding a gun to her head). The fact that she is still with him says a lot. You don't know their marriage. You only hear snippets in their marriage that she wants to reveal. So don't be jumping too fast into conclusions that she "isn't happy". Geez, you should hear the women nag about their husbands in my work place or beauty salon among us ladies. You wonder why ppl still stay together, but sometimes ppl just like to vent and gossip and go back home and lead their everyday life.
Lets say even if u were to become romantic with her.... Would u really want to be with a woman with a child and filing through divorce? Would u really be totally okay with the fact that your gf cheated on her husband for a coworker? That speaks a lot about a persons character. Would u be able to always trust her? Ain't so glamorous when you look at it from a bit of a realistic approach is it? This ain't no Hollywood romance movie where the pretty girl falls in love and live happily ever after.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PainIsTemporary [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Here is the problem, she is married and has a young daughter. I fight constantly with myself as to what I should do...

1. Leave her as she is - leave our friendship intact and keep my feelings to myself
2. Tell her how I feel, but let her know I expect nothing from her as I know her situation is complicated. (I just can't bare to not tell her how special she is)
3. Leave my job, distance myself from her in the hope that my feelings dissipate. (What if she is "the one")
4. Wait it out, however long it takes and see where her relationship goes (She has told me various things like she doesn't trust hubby and that its hard to say that you can be with the same person forever)

I'm certain she couldn't get on with her husband as good as she does with me. It seems like becoming pregnant with their daughter meant they got married by default.

---

What you think you know about her... you don't. All your interactions are happening through the lens of desire and fantasy and your work interactions, which are nothing like day-to-day of a marriage. If you were married to her, things would be very different. Now, that doesn't mean you aren't compatible. It means, you should be examining very carefully your motives for wanting her, and her you.

I would say to keep this to yourself. You don't really know each other (a year is nothing). Educate yourself about emotional affairs (google it).

If you are really stuck on her though, here is what you do to get resolution:

1. Tell her your feelings. *Don't* confess and sleep together. That story is old as the hills and never ends well. Remember - how it starts is how it will end. If you start with cheating and disrespect, it will end this way. Beware.

2. Once she knows how you feel, tell her you can't be her friend. You can't--you have feelings for her. Anything else would be dishonest. Say that if she ever becomes single, to contact you. Then say goodbye. That's it.

3. Date other women. If she divorces him, decide then what you want to do. But don't put your life on hold for (as someone told me recently) a 'what if'. Life goes on.

If she really loves you, and if her marriage problems are truly dealbreakers (do you really want someone to leave their marriage for you, and not her own reasons?), she will divorce him.

Meantime, date other women (hear the echo?). Hope this helps.

Oh, another option is to chase her until you get her to sleep with you. There are some here who will advocate that, if only to find out if she will cheat. Personally, I think that stinks, but it is another way to go.

PS - if she does leave him (doubtful), post here and tell us. There are guys on here who will have good advice on how to handle things so you don't end up her e-tampon or a rebound.

Thank you people - Some fantastic logical advice...was exactly what I needed.

I've googled everything and anything in an attempt to get these feelings out of my head - I thought understanding what was going on in my head would help but I couldn't find any solution. It seems hearing real advice from real people has made me feel a little better. I realize there is no future in a relationship if she cheated and I would never let her cheat in order to be with me but you often hear this "fate", "meant to be together", "the one".

Thank you EVERYONE for their input - I needed some perspective on the situation.

I am not saying my feelings will just go away but now I know that I must just let them lie in my mind and hopefully with time they will rot away.

Pain is temporary

I've always believed that the best relationships are a blend of love, logic and mutual respect. Right now, all you have are the love feelings. I'm sorry, but the other two parts rely on her making choices that I just don't believe are forthcoming. Few women will leave a marriage under circumstances like yours, and fewer still when children are involved.

You have to find a way to acknowledge the feelings, but let them go. Some say 'love' is a form of hormonal-induced insanity. Perhaps thinking of it that way will help.

There's a big difference between a friendship and a love interest man. I had a female friend who I was like this with for a while. I didn't have a crush or feel feelings of love, but felt a great sense of friendly companionship with her. We were like brother and sister.

I don't think telling her all your feelings is the wisest decision to make. If she's married, she's settled with someone that she loves. For me personally, all women who are committed in a relationship (married or not) are OFF LIMITS. It's just bad karma to try to get involved in those affairs.

How would you feel if some dude went up to your wife while she was at work and cried his heart out to her about his feelings? I'd probably think the guy might need some emotional help or something. I would also probably have a personal one on one conversation with him (or ask my wife to, depending on circumstance) and politely ask him to respect our intimacy.

There are plenty of sexy, fun, and loveable single girls out there.. Sometime when you find the time to get out of that stuffy office you're stuck in all day to pursue something you like to do in your free time, perhaps you'll run into that girl. :D

Quote:

---

I am not saying my feelings will just go away but now I know that I must just let them lie in my mind and hopefully with time they will rot away.

---

You are infatuated with her. Do not be fooled that these feelings are "true love". Ppl have infatuations all the time. Get a single girl, you will one day fall in love and totally forget bout this coworker.

walk away from the situation. If you insist on staying friends with her, then keep your feelings to yourself