I tried to make love to her and now she doesn't wanna talk to me + says it's over :(

Well we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one I guess because as far as I'm seeing.. He's 19 for goodness sakes. He's not "too old" at all to be playing seduction games and I've already said it twice now... I think he was wrong in his expectations.

... and I still think he should stop spoiling her with gifts in order to get her to forgive him, find someone more on the same sexual page as himself and quit trying with this one. She's only 17 and not ready for anything else but oral (which as I've said before makes no sense to me whatsoever). The Catholic school girls in my day did this kind of thing in order to circumvent some religious law. It didn't make them any more chaste then the ones that were having intercourse in most guys eyes.

Oh goodie, more vernacular from faux, hippie psychology.."transactional relationship"...pfft. That's what all of it is.

I am very sorry that someone here is talking about me trying to rape my girlfriend, I wouldn't do that to her because I love her a lot. And not only to her, but to noone else. I don't like to force people into things, I like people to enjoy what I do with them. And of course I had to step it up, what should I have done, gone to her and told her "Hey, honey, I am about to prepare this so that we have sex, and if we don't, I will be pissed" ?

I have talked with her about it and based on some other signals she has given me, I thought it was time we had it, since the feeling is there. That's all. Now I want to know what else could be done except ruining the relationship, since I love her and I know she loves me :(

Wakeup is totally right. HIA's pretty whacko, dude. You didn't nearly rape her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by donaldplozha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am very sorry that someone here is talking about me trying to rape my girlfriend, I wouldn't do that to her because I love her a lot. And not only to her, but to noone else. I don't like to force people into things, I like people to enjoy what I do with them. And of course I had to step it up, what should I have done, gone to her and told her "Hey, honey, I am about to prepare this so that we have sex, and if we don't, I will be pissed" ?

I have talked with her about it and based on some other signals she has given me, I thought it was time we had it, since the feeling is there. That's all. Now I want to know what else could be done except ruining the relationship, since I love her and I know she loves me :(

---

Whatever you do, don't buy her gifts and try to buy your way back in. You've apologised now let her come to you. Don't force her hand anymore in anyway. She needs to understand that you realize you made a mistake (by apologizing) now she needs to forgive you and get on with your relationship (without buying her gifts) or she needs to never forgive you and get on with her life without you in it. If she does really love you, then she'll be calling you to find out where you went and why you're not begging for her again like you've taught her you'll do when she gives you the silent treatment. She's young and she needs maturing not spoiling.

... And, although I don't agree that HIA is whacko in general... I do agree you (OP) didn't try to rape her. You did try to seduce her though and your plan failed. Let it happen more naturally in the future and don't assume that because you're ready that your 'gifts' will seduce her into being ready...if she ever gives the relationahip a chance again. That way, you won't be so offended and she won't either.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Whatever you do, don't buy her gifts and try to buy your way back in. You've apologised now let her come to you. Don't force her hand anymore in anyway. She needs to understand that you realize you made a mistake (by apologizing) now she needs to forgive you and get on with your relationship (without buying her gifts) or she needs to never forgive you and get on with her life without you in it. If she does really love you, then she'll be calling you to find out where you went and why you're not begging for her again like you've taught her you'll do when she gives you the silent treatment. She's young and she needs maturing not spoiling.

... And, although I don't agree that HIA is whacko in general... I do agree you (OP) didn't try to rape her. You did try to seduce her though and your plan failed. Let it happen more naturally if she ever gives the relationahip a chance again.

---

I still didn't apologize, really. I was planning to do that.

What do you mean by "really?" Did you say "I'm sorry" or did you not say you were sorry? If you haven't apologized at all

I still didn't say I was sorry, I wanna go to her city, give her some flowers and take her out for a drink, so that we can clear this mess we're into right now. You think that's an OK idea ? :/

then by all means tell her you're sorry for assuming that she was ready or that your plan would help her to be ready. Thats all you needed to do to let her know you were indeed sorry. Gifts are not necessary to convey that you regret what ended up happening. Take her out for a drink (if she'll actually go with you) anything else and you're just teaching her that she gets rewarded for refusing to discuss your problems like two adults.

You know, this happened more than once in the past, and I really agree now that you're saying this. I think some flowers would just make the whole thing a little bit nicer, though, don't you think ? :)

I don't wanna buy our relationship back with the flowers, that's not what I am saying. ;)

NO I don't. You're spoiling her just like her daddy does (did). She's eventually going to lose attraction for you if you keep doing what you've been doing. It will be really nice if you buy her flowers when you're in a good state together.. certainly NOT when you're in a bad state and trying to buy her again.

I'm not sure how many times I can say this. But, you, as most do, will do exactly what you've always done and expect different results .... The definition of insanity.

Quote:

---

that's not what I am saying.

---

Oh, but your actions are saying exactly that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Whatever you do, don't buy her gifts and try to buy your way back in. You've apologised now let her come to you. Don't force her hand anymore in anyway. She needs to understand that you realize you made a mistake (by apologizing) now she needs to forgive you and get on with your relationship (without buying her gifts) or she needs to never forgive you and get on with her life without you in it. If she does really love you, then she'll be calling you to find out where you went and why you're not begging for her again like you've taught her you'll do when she gives you the silent treatment. She's young and she needs maturing not spoiling.

... And, although I don't agree that HIA is whacko in general... I do agree you (OP) didn't try to rape her. You did try to seduce her though and your plan failed. Let it happen more naturally in the future and don't assume that because you're ready that your 'gifts' will seduce her into being ready...if she ever gives the relationahip a chance again. That way, you won't be so offended and she won't either.

---

Huh... so no doesn't mean no in your book?

Now I have to ask you; are You serious.

Your story reminds me of a good friend of mine. She went on a summer camp when she was 17 and her boyfriend who was 6 or 7 years older also booked a holiday to the same seaside resort on those dates. They had been together for almost a year back then and I think they were pretty intimate. Then there was a day that seemed just perfect for finally going further, she actually told him that wanted that to happen. Everything was going perfectly when all of a sudden she stopped. She said that she just couldn't do it, she didn't know why and she didn't try to explain it to herself either. He didn't get upset or at least he didn't show and they were able to enjoy the rest of their holiday together. She had a new relationship later that year when full intimacy stopped being a problem for her and they were together for a few good years.

Sexual relationships around that age can be complicated for some girls even if they are in love. I think you both overreacted then but it shouldn't come as a surprise since you are both so young. You did the right thing by apologizing and initiating contact, after all she wasn't prepared psychologically for what you had in mind even if it was just a way of showing your love. It would be nice if she responded positively to you soon and met you halfway but maybe you should let her know that you will never rush her into things again and you'll respect her ryhthem. If she was more mature I would think a detached approach from your part would be the right one but I get the impression that she still needs a lot of love, patience and pampering from you. And you'll just have to be optimistic that one day she'll be ready.