To split or not to split... what is the right thing to do

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Originally Posted by elevator [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As others have mentioned, 8 years is a long time. If someone is still confused after so long, then something isn't right.
There is no absolutely 'perfect' time - after so long, your partner should know who you are; either that's good enough or it's not. Like the above poster, I too think it's time to have a frank discussion - and that means getting an actual answer.

I was with my ex for 9 years. While we were engaged, we never got to the alter. There was always some excuse - not enough money, not enough this, blah blah. He got married within 11 months of meeting someone else. His money situation was no better. Clearly, if it's meant to be, then hurdles can be over-come.

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This right here is where it's at. Men are not afraid of commitment if they are with the right person.

You'd definitely be married by now if he wanted you in his future.

Yep - my advice would be not to do as I did. Evaluate what your time means to you - can you afford to waste another x amount of years with him when it could end in nothing? Keeping in mind time is a bigger factor for women than it is for men if you intend on having kids.

It's stupid to think that it's better to not live together before marriage "because there is nothing to look forward to". If you want to do it that eat, you can look forward to a divorce. We are talking marriage in a sense of being very serious not just a fantasy of some 1950's movie. Society now knows the importance of living together before marriage. Things are soo different living together than just hanging out every second day and chatting on the phone everyday. Pop that fantasy bubble and get back into reality.

Some couples have a great relationship until they live together. Then all of a sudden they disagree on something as small as using too much water or not taking out the trash and it turns into a war and they realize that they clash and cannot live together. One person could be too laid back when it comes to chores and the other could be too much of a perfectionist or one person could be very picky on turning off all the lights when you leave a room and the other doesnt care. Its stupid little things that shouldnt even matter but some people just clash like crazy and it turns into world war 3.

That is normally the reason why some couples get engaged-move in together and split up 6 months later.

If you cant handle the small stupid irrelevant things together-then there is no way you will be able to survive any of the big things that life throws at you

Living together is a good way to figure out if a marriage would work. Just going on vacation together can be a good way to preview if living together is going to work.