Ah, this is a fear that I can relate to. I know I'm young, but there are two men in my life that I've ever loved. The first is a man that I tried to convince myself for years never existed in the first place. While we were never together, I found myself affected by him in a way that actually made me want to be a better person and get over the issues that have plagued me for years. He wasn't trying to change me- I say that so you understand that this was all me, that it inspired me. For a long while, I actually seemed to be improving. My voice became louder; I stopped apologizing all the time. But, in the end, we said goodbye. I was so hurt that I spent three months straight in a depressive crying slump that I hid from everyone. And I felt like I would never be whole again- like I'd never love someone to the point of wanting to give them whatever you can personality-wise. But I was wrong.
I met and maintained a three year long friendship with a special guy. I use the past tense because I'm not entirely sure that he still considers me his friend given what happened. But, anyway, I started to develop feelings for him, and it turned out that he felt the same way. While my friends teased me about it, I gradually started to become more and more attached. In the end, my friend Jeff finally recognized it, and I even saw it for myself. Even though I had spent so long denying it and thinking it was impossible for me to love someone in the same way like that, I found I loved my friend in the exact same way. And here I was the guy who spent years before that down in the dumps over it.
My point is that it's possible. Even when you can't believe it or won't, it is possible. You're going to have some days that hit you like a hurricane. But in the end, you'll pick up the bits and piece yourself back together again. And then you'll find her. Just keep hope. :S That's all you really can do.