I Love My Family, But I Love Him

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09-07-13, 11:06 AM
neen

Quote:

Originally Posted by UnderTheMoon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She said she was middle eastern and some cultures over there, the youth or unmarried children don't leave until they do find a spouse. This can also be a religious thing too not just strictly cultural, so I don't think it's that she doesn't want to leave, some families have a heavy cultural background that is hard to break from and it can be one of two ways, do as your culture or religious preference raised you to be, or be shunned by your family. I don't know though for sure but I wouldn't be so harsh with that last part.

You two just need to step away, understand that you have feelings and get your life together, yours and his. I don't know your exact cultural background or religious preferences, if you have any at all but I would say to tell him to get his life together. If this is how I think it is, he would win your families approval if he could show he could care for you and not make you cry. I can't give you any clear advice though because I don't know the whole situation. All you said was middle eastern, that he made you cry and your mother flipped, but you live in Canada so I don't know how strong all this plays a part in your life. It sounds like he isn't a bad guy and maybe your mother misunderstood the situation? I don't know. More details would be helpful. :/

Why can't you move out exactly?

Exactly! Thank you for understanding. I'm Christian from Syria. Born and raised in Canada, he is the same as well. What confuses me is that she says this but then she says anyone else but him. He is a caring guy and we were both at fault.
09-07-13, 11:10 AM
neen

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Based on my experience... a lot of it comes down to the 'community'... Oh god. The amount of backstabbing and bitchiness in this so called 'community' is unreal, and I reckon your parents may be trying to conform to what's expected of an Middle Eastern family by trying to get rid of your boyfriend.

Don't let your parents know his address/contact details either and keep your phone away from them... otherwise they may begin to pressure him as well.

Other than that, all I can really say is make it incredibly clear that you're not willing to budge.

You know exactly what's mean, it seems! Yeah my dad wanted to know, I will not make him go through that. Haha my parents, my problems. I told them,I have my heart set, I've met others but none of them I would think of being with. They act as though I haven't seen what they went through and what is going on, but I was publicly with him for a year and a bit before they started feeding me this crap..
09-07-13, 11:11 AM
LifeInflux

Quote:

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have a friend who is Iraqi, and lives at home at 33 because she, too, won't move out until marriage, yet brings home guys, dates whomever she pleases...

Is this "friend" you? IS it? No lies...

What this ends up being though is that we're being presented with an unsolvable problem.

How do I see this guy I like?

1) My parents won't let me see him
Q) I could see him if I can move out but I can't move out because of my culture
3) I can't convince my parents to let me see him.
F) I can't listen to advice about leaving
32) I can't listen to advice telling me to work it out with my parents.
Zed) I can't listen to advice about changing my religion or culture.

So basically.. you want all your items in one bag, but you don't want the bag to be heavy...
09-07-13, 11:14 AM
paythebills

IMO your parents are wrong. Having said that, remember that your parents raised you, most likely got you a good education and have made numerous sacrifices for you, and for that you should respect them.

It's also worth noting that it's very unlikely that this relationship will be permanent, but your family will. The choice is yours, you're going to have to give something up.
09-07-13, 11:14 AM
neen

Quote:

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your whole story is BS, love. One huge contradiction and hypocrisy. Your Mother is feeding you shit to control you, and you're buying every piece of it.

Your Middle Eastern culture is so stringent that you can't move out until marriage, due to the overwhelming importance of maintaining a family reputation that is already sullied not only in the eyes of your culture, but the eyes of the Church, due to your parents divorce?

Grow up, and realize your Mom is going to prevent you from being with ANY man, because she clearly hates men. If your Mother won't let you date your BF because you cried from a fight, then you might as well realize you will be living at home, and single, until she dies.

I have a friend who is Iraqi, and lives at home at 33 because she, too, won't move out until marriage, yet brings home guys, dates whomever she pleases...

Your friend is 33, I agree with you, but my mom would be telling me its time at 33 as long as I'm done school. The issue is that she said anyone but him, because "I don't see you two being together he's not the one". I don't understand how she can just tell the future, but hey, I also don't understand how a Christian could get in the way of two people who love each other. I believe it's very wrong. She's over protective and she loves me, otherwise she wouldn't have spent thousands in court for my custody when I was younger, but I can't find a way to make her realize I can't learn if she keeps a hold of me like this. I have no clue what to do.
09-07-13, 11:15 AM
namemyname

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeInflux [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is this "friend" you? IS it? No lies...

LOL.

I couldn't be more whitey white, not 33, and orphaned. Soo....
09-07-13, 11:18 AM
namemyname

Quote:

Originally Posted by neen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your friend is 33, I agree with you, but my mom would be telling me its time at 33 as long as I'm done school. The issue is that she said anyone but him, because "I don't see you two being together he's not the one". I don't understand how she can just tell the future, but hey, I also don't understand how a Christian could get in the way of two people who love each other. I believe it's very wrong. She's over protective and she loves me, otherwise she wouldn't have spent thousands in court for my custody when I was younger, but I can't find a way to make her realize I can't learn if she keeps a hold of me like this. I have no clue what to do.

I'm telling you - your Mom hates men, and she is using this notion of culture and honor to keep you from being with a guy.

Just to test her, bring home a Syrian dude, cry after the second date, and see what she says. I am more than certain she'll NEXT him, too.

And my friend is Jewish, and brings home Muslim guys to bang. Talk about trying to drive a stake in your parents heart - lol. They still don't mind.
09-07-13, 11:20 AM
neen

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeInflux [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is this "friend" you? IS it? No lies...

What this ends up being though is that we're being presented with an unsolvable problem.
How do I see this guy I like?

1) My parents won't let me see him
Q) I could see him if I can move out but I can't move out because of my culture
3) I can't convince my parents to let me see him.
F) I can't listen to advice about leaving
32) I can't listen to advice telling me to work it out with my parents.
Zed) I can't listen to advice about changing my religion or culture.

So basically.. you want all your items in one bag, but you don't want the bag to be heavy...

The only form of freedom I have is a car.... Hopefully. So I'm looking for one.. Lol other than that. Her house. A curfew, not able to go out later than 12 .. Etc. like a little child .. But I'm not asking for any of that other than to see him. She should be grateful I'm asking instead of sneaking and doing horrible things like some other girls I know.. As you can see I feel trapped and stressed. I love her a lot but I love him as well, and as someone who's had depression for years since the divorce of my family, he made me happier and I felt loved and he was the highlight .... So it's happiness, or family. And if happiness, what do I do? And vies versa
09-07-13, 11:23 AM
neen

Quote:

Originally Posted by paythebills [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

IMO your parents are wrong. Having said that, remember that your parents raised you, most likely got you a good education and have made numerous sacrifices for you, and for that you should respect them.

It's also worth noting that it's very unlikely that this relationship will be permanent, but your family will. The choice is yours, you're going to have to give something up.

Exactly why is so much more difficult, I would die for my mom, but.. I want to not feel like I'm missing a big piece of me. She knows about the past guys and she knows I get over things quickly ..she should realize that my bf is here to stay... This is too much -.-
09-07-13, 11:24 AM
namemyname

Quote:

Originally Posted by neen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

like a little child ..

ie. "infantilized".

I think I type for my own benefit.
09-07-13, 11:25 AM
Sparkling

Quote:

Originally Posted by neen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You know exactly what's mean, it seems! Yeah my dad wanted to know, I will not make him go through that. Haha my parents, my problems. I told them,I have my heart set, I've met others but none of them I would think of being with. They act as though I haven't seen what they went through and what is going on, but I was publicly with him for a year and a bit before they started feeding me this crap..

This was practically the exact same situation a member of my family was in. But for them, it was more about religion than where they're from. Both parties were pressured by their families, but your boyfriend (presumably) isn't being pressured by his family.

In the end they broke up, but had there not been pressure on the other side I'm 99.5% sure they would've stayed together.

I don't think it helps that you're a girl either, for some reason... Do you have any siblings? The reason I ask this, is if you're 'Daddy's little princess' or whatever, then eventually the pressure will probably ease off as they'll realise if they lose you, they'll lose most of what they've got.
09-07-13, 11:25 AM
neen

Quote:

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm telling you - your Mom hates men, and she is using this notion of culture and honor to keep you from being with a guy.

Just to test her, bring home a Syrian dude, cry after the second date, and see what she says. I am more than certain she'll NEXT him, too.

And my friend is Jewish, and brings home Muslim guys to bang. Talk about trying to drive a stake in your parents heart - lol. They still don't mind.

So what do you suggest I do? Btw, off topic, but she even hold all of my credit and debit cards and opens my mail .... Talk about living in a cage. It's too much. And my brother is only 15 and he can do ANYTHING ... All because I have a vagina. -.-
09-07-13, 11:27 AM
LifeInflux

Quote:

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

ie. "infantilized".

I think I type for my own benefit.

Oh no, you type for my benefit. You just don't realize it yet.
09-07-13, 11:28 AM
namemyname

I say you move out.

A Mesopotamian, sexist culture has no place in a modern, western, civilized society.

(And you argued you were "infantilized"??? ;) )
09-07-13, 11:28 AM
LifeInflux

Quote:

Originally Posted by neen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So what do you suggest I do? Btw, off topic, but she even hold all of my credit and debit cards and opens my mail .... Talk about living in a cage. It's too much. And my brother is only 15 and he can do ANYTHING ... All because I have a vagina. -.-

They have operations for that now, but I don't know if you'd be excited about what you'd end up with.

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