What does he want?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lovemenot [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

he hasn't kissed me on the mouth, cuz officially we're not dating, we're friends...who cuddle....and sleep together sometimes....and feel each other up...yeah it's weird..i am gonna talk to him.

---

All of those things are crossing platonic relationship boundaries and it's those very crossings that cause so much confusion, angst and emotional pain. Would you do those things with a female friend? No! Then why the fk are you doing them with a male one? You are your own worst enemy here, lovemenot. DO have that conversation with him and if he doesn't give you a straight answer then stop crossing "just friends" boundaries with him and take back your own personal power. Have the personal boundaries and self-respect to stop the nonsense. He's helping you to mind-fvck yourself to the point where it will become a real problem with your self-esteem and confidence.

i'm a guy.been in this kind of situation once, no fingering though. My view on this, he is enjoying this process with you but not sure if he wants to actually be in a relationship with you. The only way is to talk to him face to face. Ask him straight forward about his feelings towards you and take this relationship to the next level. Going on like this is exciting but insecure.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lovemenot [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

thanks. I was also very surprised that he did that. which kinda rules out the "friends with benefits" cuz apparently he isn't after the "benefits"..and also that he would use me for sex, cuz he doesn't...so I am still leaning towards, that maybe he is just shy and nervous after not having sex for a long time. that would cover the no-sex part.

but how about kissing on the mouth? why would he kiss me rather passionately on the forehead, and these little cheeky kisses on the cheeks, but wouldn't go for my mouth. reminds me a lot of Julia Roberts rule in pretty woman - never kiss. But at least to me kissing is as intimate as holding each other tightly cuddling and sleeping wrapped around each other all night.... What would your thoughts be on that?

Also, if I may ask, why do you say you "are not normal"? What's not normal about you?

---

Well, this isn't about me, so I won't get into too much detail and derail your thread. LOL! You are looking for advice, so I don't want to get too off topic. I could probably write an Encyclopedia about what is not normal about me. LOL! But, in this instance I was referring to the fact that I'm not as sex obsessed as your typical guy. Unlike most guys, sex is not the most important thing in the world to me. I'd rather not have sex than to just have it randomly with any woman who would. I would only want to have it with somebody when we are in a relationship. So, in situations like this, I often feel the need to offer the disclaimer that my advice may not be coming from a source who knows exactly how "normal" guys think.

That said, I think the general thoughts/advice here have been spot on. I would say it is time to talk to him about it. As Tablesandchairs said, though, not in an argumentative kind of way. Just very matter-of-factly that you want to know where this is going. At this point, you definitely deserve at least to know if he sees you as a potential girlfriend, or just as a "friend with benefits." That way you can at least know, and decide if you are okay with the arrangement, or want to move on. Good luck!

oh i see, I think the guy i am talking about also isn't all about the sex. since he managed not to have it with me for so long, and I've been with guys who are just about that and I can tell the difference..:) and honestly I the way you think is great and you probably are a great guy:))

- - - Updated - - -

[URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=TheEvilJester]#TheEvilJester[/URL] , thank you for honesty:) I was just curious:) I think the guy i am talking about also isn't all about the sex. since he managed not to have it with me for so long, and I've been with guys who are just about that and I can tell the difference..:) and honestly I the way you think is great and you probably are a great guy:))

[URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=lucashope]#lucashope[/URL] , since you've been in the similar situation, how did it end? did you guys have the talk? who started it? what happened?
and if you are right (and you probably are) and the guy isn't sure what he wants, wouldn't it be better to give him space and let him make up his mind?
cus I think it's pretty obvious already that I like him, or you think he might not get that?
won't the conversation be like putting him in the corner or smth...even if I did my best and made it all honest and just from curiosity, not at all argumentative or pusshy...

that said. the whole thing changed a little. last weekend we spent together again, almost all of it. To my biggest disappointment, I didn't have the talk with him. Just couldn't find the right moment...for the most part we were not alone, and I just cannot start a conversation like that out of nowhere...

we did have sex though. twice. different nights. was great. but even before that, I started feeling a bit of distance from him, so wasn't sure if I should bring up the conversation now, didn't stop me from sleeping with him though.., but gonna talk to him anyway, maybe see how things go from here and have the conversation later:)

also the whole situation is a bit more complicated. he lives with two flatmates, one of them is my good friend and the other is moving out soon and I am going to move in instead of him (I agreed this with that friend of mine, long before starting this whole thing with the guy) and I really wanna live there, so I am a bit scared that if the conversation doesn't go right, it might get all weird living together later....

Eh, I don't know how "great" of a guy I am. That could be my low self-esteem talking, though. Seems anybody who knows me well enough tells me that as well. So, maybe all those people couldn't be wrong. Then again, some of them are probably just saying that because they hope it will cause me to open the chains and let them go. I mean, often times torture victims will say just about anything to get the pain to stop. ....No, I am just kidding, of course. (Or AM I? DUN DUN DUN! LOL!)

Anyway, I know just how you feel. A conversation like that can be really hard to have. Don't beat yourself up too much for wanting to have it, but not being able to get to it. It happens.

Just remember that, even if the result ended up being bad, you are better off knowing. Heck, if it doesn't go well, you'll feel crummy at first, but in the long run you will feel so much better knowing the truth. I would definitely recommend having the conversation BEFORE you move in with him. If it doesn't go well, that may change your feelings about living with him, and it would be much better to find that out before you live with him rather than after you already do.

Trust me, I know it won't be easy, but you can do it. For your sake, I sort of wish you'd been able to have the conversation before sex happened as well. Sometimes men can be pigs, and just use women until they get sex. This guy doesn't sound like that kind of fella. He sounds like a good guy. But, some guys like to play Mr. Nice Guy, and will go to great lengths to keep up the charade.... until they get what they want. It doesn't sound like that is the situation here, but you still want to be careful. Good luck! I hope it goes well.