Am I pretending to be happy in this relationship? I'm not even sure!

The things is this girl is easy to handle because you have so much higher value and you bring a lot to the table. That is one of the reason this girl have let you so close to her. You have better health and more money, maybe even better looks. Girls are attracted to guys who have higher value. In this case you have many things better than her. You could settle and stay with her forever and it would be easy for you to keep her around and she would never break up with you. On the other hand you could look for girl who is a better match for you, someone your friends and family would accept more.

I agree you have to get it out of your chest to her. Say what you want from her. If she loves you she should have that energy to change her life. This is not a life shes living and shes far too young to give up on herself. Its not about you she have to fight for herself. Depression is a battle but so are life. This topic might help you to understand her illness.
[url]https://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/94122-depression-anxiety-stay.html#post1008238[/url]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

FearofLove has had much trouble finding someone that would accommodate her particular "ism" and that is why she is inclined to tell YOU to settle for less then what you deserve in a mate.

---

What "ism" are you talking about. hm?

Firstly, you are 22, you still have many years ahead of you to figure out who you are and what type of girl you need.
You have only been with this girl for a short period of times and have already big concerns that you want changing. First BIG lesson about any relationship is YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE. If you are already unhappy with her weight, you can't change that. You take your own health/physique seriously and that is great that you are motivated to hit the gym but don't expect others to have the same type of priorities when it comes to fitness. If having a fit and athletic gf important to you, perhaps you should seek that out because one day you may really resent her for her weight which is not fair to her already fragile confidence.
It seems like this relationship has already started out backwards. She has major depression. She should not be in a new relationship at the moment when she can't even love herself. She lacks confidence, motivation, determination which is common due to depression. Now you are there to pick up the pieces for her lack of happiness. Your money is going down the drain when at this stage in your life, you should be saving up for your own future. But then again, you can't force her to go out and make more money when she is unwilling. Your mental health will start to take a toll because if you are that close in a relationship with someone with mental issues.
You already hold resentment towards her. Give it more time and your resentment will just keep eating away at you. I don't see this relationship lasting

Hi [MENTION=48120]bcgirl[/MENTION]. Good points you made there. Havent seen you in a while. Nice to have you back.

Hey PC. Yah it's been a while since I've been here. Having some more free time in my life (for the time being)... Good to see some familiar handles still on

Wow... those are pretty big woes to have in a short relationship.

I have to ask why you would choose to be with someone with so many negatives from the start?

Usually, people get together and both are presenting their best sides thus only discovering the negatives when the 'like me' façade starts to fade. You seem to have some pretty big doubts way too early, doubts that judging from what you've told us, won't get better any time soon.

From personal experience, if I'm not 100% happy in the early days, I call time and move on. This isn't after leading girls on and this isn't being shallow, this is just saving both of us time. To be clear, I'm not on about 'shag and dump' tactics, I'm on about early-days dating. If I discovered a deal breaker or if I wasn't genuinely excited to see my date again, it wasn't going to work. The way I see it is that you're not a councillor or aid-worker, you're wanting a relationship that works and if there are warning signs and doubts about the longevity of the relationship in the early days then they sure as heck will appear later on.

TL:DR - if you're worried about major issues now then you're best off cutting her loose and moving on. You're only 22 and doing well, enjoy this and look for someone who ticks all your boxes.

I can vouch for this from personal experience, having just come out of a 5year relationship which I had to end due to issues that appeared years into our relationship, I am now single again at 33. Far from ideal but in my brief time 'back on the market' I have had a great time meeting some amazing women. My fears of being 33 and single have been shattered and I'm really looking forward to exploring more relationships. My point - this relationship of yours may be the first 'girlfriend experience' but believe me, if it isn't right you have to move on and there are many, many more wonderful women out there to experience life with.

Hope that helps somewhat?

Things are just going way too fast for a relationship that has only been around for 6 weeks. why did you guys move in together so quickly? and from what i have read in your post, it seems that there are some things that you cannot accept about her and the relationship. it is normal to look for what we want, that's why we select first, and then choose. you guys definitely do not know each other that well yet. that is why you have all these confusion in your mind. you are still questioning whether she is the right girl for you.

and also, you are not required to pay for your dinner dates, food, travel, etc. i did that for my bf, i was always the one paying for EVERYTHING, and it got out of hand, we always fight about it and him not being mature about the relationship. my honest advice to you is that, it is time to break up with her. it's not like dumping her or anything. because your situation with her right now is not healthy for the both of you. it will only add more problems as time goes by. your relationship is not even 2 months come to think of it. it is easy to get out now in that situation rather than wait and then it is too late by the time you realize it.