Well, I just thought i'd post an update for you all..
I got a text from her last night saying she was unwell..etc So I was typical me and sent her a sympathetic text 'I hope you get well..etc..etc' Well, we text abit. Then this evening she pops up on msn and said that she had spent all evening with Andy. I asked her why, considering that we were the people she apparently wanted space from and she just replied 'we watched a movie, I fell asleep on him' and also said 'I do like him though' I could see where this was going, so I just asked her straight out why she told me just over a week ago that she wanted me to be her b/f only to change her mind now. Her reply was that she meant it at the time... but seriously, is it possible to mean it and feel differently a week or so after? She also said that she hasnt made up her mind who she wants and stated that I wasnt doing myself any favours. That got to me abit because it was not me who said I wanted to be with someone only to change my mind and go for someone else a week later. Did she expect me to say 'oh thats ok, I understand that last week you wanted me, now you like someone else, thats fine'? She also mentioned that tomorrow shes going to the cinema with him. It was at that point that I just said to her 'I don't stand a chance, do I?' and said I had to go.
So why is it she can't see how hurt I am by this? I have been there through the good and the bad for over a year now, she knows shes the first person i've wanted to be with in a year and a half and also knows how hard it was for me to get over my ex, so why is she being so inconsiderate? The last few months all i've got from her was 'you're a lovely person. I would never hurt you' 'I cant wait to fly with you' 'I had a dream about you last night.. I hope we do get together' Now some guy she hardly knows turns up and shes with him everyday and telling me she hasnt made a decision on who she wants.. this isnt some kind of airline pilots job where theres a few suitable candidates, we're talking about peoples feelings, and she should understand that more than anyone. She really doesn't seem to care about how much this has hurt me.
But the question it leaves me wondering is what is it that i've done wrong? I never had the intention of feeling anything for her. We were friends who grew closer and closer over the course of just over a year. I was always there for her when she needed me, we talked about everything together. I obviously had her trust and she had mine, so what went wrong? I am just so confused. I don't understand how something so promising changed in such a short space of time. Was it me? Or was it her?
Last year when my ex left, she showed no care for me after having taken my virginity. I felt as if I could never trust anyone like that again. But I finally get my confidence and trust back and this happens. It isn't helping me believe that I will find someone nice, because to me it will eventually cause all the 'I do mean it' and 'I wont hurt you, I promise' phrases to mean nothing at all because they are things i've heard time and time again. I just don't know where im going wrong and why shes doing this.