1.May is a really long time. I am going to have to wait. A long long time ago we made a promise to each other that if we came up against really serious problems we would go to counseling before considering ending the relationship. I am going to keep this promise.
2.She's really mad at me...... She says she doesn't feel "safe" around me anymore. Not in a physical sense, but an emotional one. She says she feels attacked and accused (and in a sense she is a little right there............and that she no longer gets the sense from me that she can just be herself and not have to worry about anything. She says that our relationship without the sex is more than enough for her, and that the fact that it's not for me means I must not care about the relationship as much as I've always said that I do. She says it seems like sex is all I care about, and that "there's more to a relationship than sex," as if I am some kind of child.
3.It was a cold, cold night in my house. She barely looked at me. We've agreed to share the bed, but there;'s to be no touching. She's suggested we "put things on hold" until May, since she's not capable of giving me what I want and I'm not capable of shutting up and putting up with how things are. I have a feeling we'll probably end up reaching some kind of reconciliation over the next week or two, but we'll see. I feel awful about how things are between us right now.
4.She told me tonight that she will no longer "allow or expect" me reading to her at night, or helping her with homework, or really doing anything for her. She says it's not fair since she won't be doing for me the things that I want. She also spoke disparagingly about me equating my need for sexual contact with her needs, as though my needs are crude and barbaric. ("I do so much for you and none of it is enough.")
5.She says she "can't" have sex with me. (Unless she has booze. Although now that I've called her out on the booze thing she says I have made it "very uncomfortable" for her to have alcohol around me or away from me.) That she has NO sex drive at all and thus can't even contemplate sex, think of sex, or do anything sexual. When in this state, she says, she cannot tolerate me touching her, or her touching me or giving me any pleasure whatsoever, since doing so would make her "highly uncomfortable." Although she did say she'd be willing to do it if it would "shut me up."
6.She says that me complaining about the lack of sex is unfair. "It's like if you were bald and I tormented you over not being able to grow hair." This is what she said. Maybe she has a point
7. I have waited for over a year for this to resolve. She says it's not long enough, but believe me, it's plenty long. I am frustrated at her not because of the sex drive, but because she hasn't OWNED IT.