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If I were you I would text him and say "your upset? You are the one who gave up on us, not me. I am not waiting around for you to make up your mind. If you really wanted me you would still be with me so just cut the crap and stop telling me what you think I want to hear. I want the truth, I dont want you to sugar coat it for me. If were finished, were finished. Now Im not waiting a month or two for you to gather the courage to end this. I will do it for you. Were done, goodbye"
Don't blame yourself too hard if you came across too needy sometimes. Believe me, it happens to most of the people. Try to learn from it just as you're doing it now. Regarding the problems you two faced, my personal opinion is that when you started to spend every day together, he felt that he was losing another important part of his life that relates to his independence, time with his friends, etc, and he wasn't ready for that and didn't know how to deal with things better instead of just letting the tension build up. Maybe you didn't decide to spend all that time together, just let yourselves carried away and realised that it wasn't working too well for both of you. You were happy with the situation, but he wasn't for too long. As I said before, I do not think that this is a major incompatibility sign taking in consideration that your relationship is still young, only 9 months together. This does not mean that you two won't be able to have a happy every day live-in-relationship some time in the future, when you're both ready for it and learnt to communicate better. Every person and relationship has a different rhythm and if people could understand that we'd be living in a happier world.
Your strategy right now is a good one, telling him that you're fine at home and that it's good to give each other some space. First, you've stopped putting emotional pressure on him, he doesn't seem to stand that too well anyway and given him the possibility to clear his mind and heart a little bit. It's very hard for you at the moment, but you should deal it with it on your own just like you're doing and little by little you will feel better. No pain lasts forever, everything is temporary and everything is overcome finally.
How good or how bad you feel is just a question of training your attention most of the times. I understand that you love him and wish to be with him right now more than anything, but besides that there must be something else that could help you feel good and spend a few nice moments. Identify whatever that is and go for it, even if you only succeed to relax for a few moments at the beginning and then you're back to experiencing your unhappiness. Try again and again until it starts working better for you. This is a beautiful world and you as a person must be able to respond with love, joy and curiosity to some of its aspects, even if they don't include him.
I would send that, But i feel like if i did that now i'd feel sick. If he messages me anything then that's exactly what i will say. but i don't want to be the first one to get into conversation
I know, if i said how upset i was and miserable staying at home i know that would push him away more. i am kind of wondering what will happen next though. i want him to realise how good it can be and how he can have his own life and have me at the same time, i know we took it too fast but in my eyes i don't see why we can't some how try again. but like i said i wont get my hopes up as thats how i will get let down by him.
okay that is fair enough hun. But you need to start accepting that it IS over. I know you feel like absolute crap right now and dating is the last thing on your mind but it would do you good to get all dressed up, go out and flirt a little. Just boost your confidence and possibly go on a few dates. Or even join a dating site just so you have something to distract your mind for a bit and people to talk to.
i'm feeling so lonely right now. like i need to talk to him or need him to be here for me, it's like he was always the one who would help when im feeling like this. not he's not here to do that. i miss him so much and cant explain the pain im in right now
Again its normal. Go for a walk, go clear your head, join the gym, exercise
I'm in my room alone crying my eyes out. I miss him so so badly. I can't bring myself to do anything. It's raining outside. I wish I could just be with him I miss him more than I can explain
I feel like I need to talk to him. I'm in bits and miss him so much but I don't want to risk it messing up even more
You will feel better. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but you will, everyone does... You should not contact him again, he has already told you that he isn't ready to talk yet, that he needs his space. If you try to force him into a conversation, he might reject you and you would feel twice as bad. As long as you try to control yourself, you're protecting a certain image of yourself in his eyes, you're not coming across as desperate and you're giving him a chance to miss you.
Also, how you feel is your responsibility. He might have upset you for not being on the same wave with you but he is not responsible for you feeling so hurt and miserable. This is your own emotional nature and mind playing tricks on you. Little by little you need to become aware of this and realise that you can determine how you feel and how much/in what way you let things affect you and how you respond to them. Keep yourself optimistic, you wont be feeling so intensely forever, this will calm down and you will gain control. Then you'll decide to keep yourself busy with happy things and never ever let your feelings for a man command you to such an extent again. It's not good for you, your quality of life and your relationships either.
i know, i was so so close to talking to him but i'm not going to i can't risk feeling any worse than what i already do right now. i just wish me and him could give it another shot and be happy :( i wish he would talk to me aswell. when i had days like this he would be the only one who could help. its a bad day.. its raining outside, nun of my friends are around. i don't know what to do. i feel sick, lost, and heartbroken and cannot stop trying. its hurting so bad. i just want to see him, hear from him.. anything. and want us to be ok
I went out tonight with some of my friends, spoke to my ex from about a year ago about some stuff as he understands what I get like and how upset I get. I had a good time when I was out but still it was on my mind every second and now I'm home I just feel like I want to speak to him like I usually would after I've been out.
Good! You need to have more initiatives like this for socialising, sharing what you're going through if you find it helps you and staying active. This is the only way to cope for everyone.
Lord Darshire posted some questions for you on your other link. Maybe if you felt like adding a bit more information it would help people on this forum to understand better your situation. I'll post them below for you.
How old are you two? how much relationship experience have you had? Are you working? You live alone? You go to school?
I am 16 he is 19. He works but I've left school. I live with my mum. Also I was in a relationship before for the same amount of time. I thought if I went out had a laugh that would make more chance of him contacting me, but it hasn't. I'd really like hear from him.
Well, it's only natural that you are being totally overcome by this relationship being so young but this doesn't mean that you cannot learn to do things better. You aren't prepared psychologically to deal with something like this just yet but since you are in this situation, you need to make an extra effort and become aware of certain things and try to see the bigger picture for your own good.
None of you is ready for a relationship and as soon as you start realising this you should establish some objectives for yourself that could help you develop as a person and grow up in the right way. Going back to school would be ideal, learning has a very positive effect on people and makes one stronger mentally, not to mention that it ensures in some way that you will have a chance for a better life one day. It's the least you can do for yourself and something you'll always be grateful for pursuing.
Give yourself some time to calm down all these emotions, gain some control, trust that you will feel better because you will and don't hurry into anything. If this relationship ends up working, you two should really see each other occasionally and you should both concentrate on your teenager lives and make the best of them, study, earn some money if you can, play sports, watch films, dance and laugh with your friends.