Opposite sex and married platonic friends beware
Quote:
sorry. things will get better.
Yes I know they will mis, it's just the time up until they do.
I've got through worse before though.
I've wondered whether parts of our good communication were just an ego boost for both of us. It certainly plays with one's emotions though even if it was.
I hope anyone reading this thread will be wary of risking a good, opposite sex, platonic friendship in circumstances like these.
It seems to me that no matter how well you get on, as we did, you are seriously risking that friendship, probably for always.
And a good, opposite sex, platonic friend/confidant has an extraordinary value.
As an aside I notice the timestamps on my postings are way off the times I make the postings. Probably due to the geographic location of the server. I'm not up through the night posting here as the timestamps may suggest. It's 20:20 hrs Thursday at the moment. Oh and yes tomorrow is Friday - now I'm sure there's something I have to do - not quite decided what yet though!!
Maybe being that the thread is so long it should be moved from the 'INTRODUCTION' zone.
Thanks to all and take care - mostly of your heart.
straight&56
The waiting is now over. Update & thanks.
Just to update on the past 2 days events and thanks.
On Monday we shared a shift together and it was very uncomfortable.
We spoke but just pleasantries again, at times we avoided each other puposefuly.
One time she came and sat nearby but I couldn't bring myself to breach the subject. One reason being that I did not want us to be interrupted by anyone in a make or break situation.
I thought about it after work.
I thought about the whole history we'd been close going back over 2 years and things we had talked about. I remembered some things she had said about her immediate and extended family and thought I recognised a trait that could have a great influence on her life that she had never spoke of in depth and I had never spotted before. ( And no, I don't mean she should be on a mental ward ).
I decided that it ( I ) could not continue like this because I was almost emotionally drained following the events of the past 2 - 3 months.
I decided I was going to phone her at home and bring up this 'family thing' and invite her to talk about it if it was correct and if she wanted to.
I was really going out on a very risky strategy here but it was make or break time and she had asked me a few weeks ago not to call her at home again.
I rang her at about 4pm today ( Tuesday ) after planning carefully how I was going to handle it.
She said I was way off the mark on the 'family thing', felt almost insulted by what I had said even though I said it very gently and with best intentions at heart, and I thought 'OH SH*T', that's it then. Had I not been off the mark she knows I would help her through anything.
I managed to recover the situation and we talked on how it looked as though there was no going back to how we were months ago and how sad it was.
I heard her sob once or twice and I was close to that too.
I told her how much I had missed her and how much I would miss her from now on.
She said it had not felt right for her being unable to talk to me. She said it was more like a bonding than a friendship ( Thanks Giga - I remembered what you said ).
Somehow we kept the conversation going and in control.
We spoke of things from the past we had laughed about and almost cried about.
I told her how my heart had gone out to her during the times she'd been distressed.
Before long there were new topics arising.
Before long we were laughing together again.
We were on the phone for about one and a half hours.
I swear I would never have tried so hard for anyone else.
The boundaries are now firmly set and similar to what they were months ago. And we are very likely to recover.
She asked when I was next due on shift with her.
I have helped her in the past with some of her marriage problems.
Maybe, with boundaries now set, it's time I asked her for help with mine.
She will always be so special to me, inappropriate though that may sound.
I will take care of this special friendship in the future and not risk it again. And yes I'll take care of my heart too.
I really don't know how I managed to pull this off. I was flying by the seat of my pants.
Its early days but the help and ALL comments I've received here MUST have played their part.
I've rarely been one to skirt around difficult subjects and someday I may point her to my posts here - but that's a long time off if I ever do. I would have to read them all again very carefully first.
Thank you all so much - I expect this forum is invaluable to many people.
Maybe my next posts will be about my marriage - maybe not.
straight&56