But then it started to sink in that he was really going to do it and I broke down. I started crying hysterically and begging for him to stay. Pulling on his arms and telling him to look me in the eyes and say this is what he wanted. And oh he sure did let me have it. He told me he didn't love me, that he never loved me. That I disgusted him, that I was unattractive. That I was pathetic. And a million things more. And that only upset me more. I have a history of self-mutilation and this just made me crack. I went into the bathroom and really messed up my arms with a razor.