cheatin on bf :( this is a long one....

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Originally Posted by chillypepper12 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I hope you've all enjoyed tearing me up. It's not like I haven't been doing the same thing to myself anyways. I was just trying to relay my reasons for doing what I did and my question was how I should get over the guy at work so I can stay with Brad. I just wanted some advice. I am not fooling myself with thinking work-guy will build a relationship with me regardless of what he says but I have developed some stupid feelings for him that i don't know how to get over. Does anyone have any advice (rather than calling me a whore)

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We heard your reasons for doing what you did and you are wrong. What the hell did you expect us to say? Honestly. Did you think we would say... "Way to go! Don't tell Brad... Keep banging your Boss until you find a way to get over him." Truth is... Your Boss is just as much of a loser as you have been if he would even consider wanting a relationship with someone as easy as you. All he has to do is whisper a few sweet nothings in your ear and your panties get wet. How lame is that? You are already the fool, whether you believe he wants to be with you or not.

Reality Check: Do you think we would advise you to keep the secret from Brad? Even if you ended whatever you have with your boss, Brad deserves to know what type of woman he is dealing with. You built him up only to let him down. You cheated because you are just that kind of girl. If you believed that

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Originally Posted by chillypepper12 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

we've had our ups and downs like any couple but we've always managed to work out our differences even if we haven't always fixed the underlying issues.

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... you would have stayed by his side, talked to him, encouraged him and helped him. He could be suffering from Depression and Lack of Self Esteem and you cheating on him hasn't helped him any. You need to tell him the truth and weather the storm if you really want to be with Brad. You need to end things with your boss. This isn't anything you don't already know so don't come into the forum expecting to hear something different.

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Originally Posted by CocoChanel [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

... you would have stayed by his side, talked to him, encouraged him and helped him. He could be suffering from Depression and Lack of Self Esteem and you cheating on him hasn't helped him any. You need to tell him the truth and weather the storm if you really want to be with Brad. You need to end things with your boss. This isn't anything you don't already know so don't come into the forum expecting to hear something different.

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Yep, that would kill my self esteem.

Raze

Yep, it would kill anyone's self esteem. Especially a man who knows what he was before and knows what he could be. His girlfriend loses weight and he still has a way to go. I am sure that he is feeling like he isn't good enough. Losing weight isn't an easy thing and is mentally challenging as it is physically. My mother struggles with her weight to this day! The last thing Brad needs is a woman like Chilly, lying and cheating on him.

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Originally Posted by chillypepper12 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, I've done it. I made a mistake that I can't take back. Why can't I continue from there? Why should I tell Brad and destroy his life when I could get back to my life with him and we can be happy? It's not a matter of me being stupid (completely unnecessary btw). It's a matter of me being remorseful, wanting to work on my relationship with Brad and forget about work-guy.

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I think it's not you personally, but your apparent lack of responsibility that people here criticize. It doesn't look like you don't want to tell Brad because you don't want to tear his life apart like you say, it seems like you don't want to tell him because

a. You are scared he will leave you which would be a completely justifable action (People read this fear as lack of backbone)
b. You are scared to take responsibility for your actions (which is why you blame it on his weight) and realize that it wasn't just a little mistake you made, but a huge betrayal of person who loved you
c. You want to deprive him of choice and his right to know as a partner about what happened

These are the reasons why people are criticizing you, not because they just want to have some fun at your expense. If you really want to begin setting things right you must tell your bf about what you did and hope that he will forgive you so you can make amends for your behavior. Or be prepared that he won't in which case at least you can rest in the fact that you did the right thing in 'confessing your crime. You want an easy way out, this is why you actions are subject to criticism.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXeXT6FGEls"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXeXT6FGEls[/ame]

Well, after reading the full three pages I'm not sure whether or not you're coming back here, but here are my two cents anyway.

For me it sounds that the biggest issue here is communication? You seem to look for help on your relationship with Brad with your boss, but you should be talking to Brad himself about all this. You say your boss is trying to help you work things out with Brad? I'm sorry, but how is having sex with you helping you in any way?

If I were you, if you want things to continue working out with Brad, the first thing you have to do is ask Brad for a moment so you two can talk where you for one confess that you cheated on him, and for two: say what you've said here. Give the option to Brad whether or not to continue your relationship.

If he chooses for you, you have to want to break things off with your boss on sexual matters. That is not something you have options on in my opinion. Secondly, talk with Brad how you both can work on your relationship. Find out why he seems uninterested in sex. Maybe something is going on with him? Maybe (sorry to say) it is you, just as much as you're bugged with him?

Confess, talk, make compromises. I personally think that is the best way for you two to continue your relationship without any guilt. If he founds out on himself later on, the consequences can be even harder.

If he says he needs time apart to think this over, let him as well. If he wants to break off with you after the relationship... well, I guess that is the risk you have to take. The toll to pay for what you have done. But at least you would have tried. You WILL hurt him by confessing, but you'll hurt him even more on the long end if you do not confess.

As for the remaining, I agree with Mishanya.

Good luck with this, either way. I hope you'll find the best thing to do.