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did you know that single people have sex too?
i agree with shheadz, your p*ssy whipped. She may have problems, but they are not your problems to deal with. If she doesnt explain her problems, how could you try to deal with them anyway? In my opinion, if talking to her doesnt work, then just get out of the whole thing. From reading your posts, i get a weird, friendship vibe going on. Maybe something went wrong with the relationship years ago, by putting intimacy last, shes forgotten all about it, and the relationship has developed and got stuck at a friendship level. but you have been with her so long, you cant spot the difference between love and friendship.
if i were you, i would stop wasting my life on this person and find someone else who in which can make you happy both sexually and in many other ways. she is your first 'love' but you are obviously not happy, why dont you see if your second love will be better