My bf brokeup with me coz his love on martial arts much greater than anything

reply to raverboy

yea I think u missed the story thread. in fact i split this problem into few small problems now:-

1) him moving to Japan [not gonna happen this week or this month...he still have to work on his language and degree before he can do so, so i assume it's 1 to 1.5 ys time frame]
and should that really happen..YES im willing to move with him coz myself wanna see the world too. im not saying this or deciding this coz im obsessed of my BF but it's beneficial for me too.

2) current problem - he feels he canot give me 100% that is why he wanna breakup. he keeps saying he needs his own time to train his martial arts and learn japanese language and do things he did not have chance to do for past 3.5 yrs coz all the while he has 2 jobs, working 7 days a week..going to college and training his martial arts.
what i wanna do for this problem is im willing to support him n work things out but i need him give me a chance n work with me

we both get along incredibly well and so connected..i dun understand why he has to breakup wif me

but i will continue to plan the cupcakes and steak dinner for him when I see him next week

i can kinda understand where he is coming from. if i were dating someone and given the opportunity to live in japan, i'd jump on it. if my gf didn't want to be with me, then unfortunately for us, but i'd be fine with it. it is a bit selfish, however, when it comes to certain decisions like this, you have to put your heart first. being that he doesn't want to work anything out, he probably has a mind set that he won't have time for you and wants to dedicate himself to something like a monk. i dunno what else to tell you. in this case, his dreams might be different than the two of you getting married and living a happy life.

raverboy

Exprezo - I am getting the feeling you are the kind of girl that refuses to be dumped. You remind me of George's girlfriend from Seinfeld - the one who says "no" when he tries to call if off.

reply to Vashti

I think I just want to give it a 2nd chance instead of giving up easily. Giving the fact that he is very special to me compared to past relationships i thnk i should at least try. I am trying, bu giving him 10 days to think thu. and if on the 10th day he says good bye...what can i do rite? I will have to accept the fact

Hello all...something just happened. I got a text from my BF:

"are u doing ok??" "can i come by tomorrow after work?" "i miss u"
We are supose to meet Thurs, not monday.

Of coz I am willing to meet tomorrow but I ma nervous..anyone can give me any advice what should I do tomorrow? I was preparing and practicing baking cakes and cooking steak for him suposely for thursday but now he is seeing me monday.
I am nervous I dont want to screw up...

any tips, anyone?

Nice! I am excited for you.

Just play it cool. :) I wouldn't jump so easily though. Say you are busy but will see him Thursday. Reel that man back in! Congratulations.

Thanks BAH

I was shocked to got that message but i already said OK to see him for dinner tomorrow. not sure if he is gonna deliver me -ve or positive answer but just let it b. im prepared for the worse and pray for the good ones..thanks you all...

I think everything will be fine :) Just don't mention to him that thing about making his decision, at least until Thursday. Let him talk about it by himself. Have a good time

Hello! Most people told me to act calm and pretend nothing happened before, when BF and I meet up tonite....I need some guidance here so I dont ruin it. If he does not bring up "the decision"...what does that signal to? And if that is the case and I am keeping quiet so...will I get his "answer/decision"?

Yes, just act calm, pretend nothing has happened and smile. Also keep your distance like you are meeting a friend. Don't mention his decision and let him bring it up. I can tell you that your chances are good but if he doesn't mention it, don't worry. It just means he needs a little more time.

thanks guys! I will just enjoy tonite like a hangout nite but like BAH says, a little distance.......[is this to give him more "personal space"???????]

Hello friends,

Let me share first, the verdict is we got back together and BF says let's start over again. But details are I found out something:-

When he 1st saw me he was holding my hands and non-stop kissing me but I acted cold all time. Then he sent me home and said he wanna leave coz entire nite he felt different like things / feelings have changed. Long story short I was able to persuade him sit and talk to me and somehow he realized or like "enlightened". Told me "Just know that I love you OK."

Told me let's compromise n start over again. OK I thought it was a wish came true. Then guess what?? He says he has to be honest that he and coworker kissed last Saturday at office but NO SEX [per him]. Kissed, hugged, touched, whatever!! I KNOW HER!!!

He and her dated way before I appeared and now they work in the same shift every Saturday and only THEM alone!!

My heart crushed...He told her we are in "cool down" period. He told me he was not thinking about me when he was doing that until when they stopped and he felt not right and he thought me me. WTF!

I m feeling...I dont know how to describe now. I feel betrayed. During the entire cool down period what I did was hunting martial arts gifts for him, learning to bake cupcakes, cooking steak everyday as DRY Run and eat them all myself so I can cook a decent meal, supposedly this Thurs. He went and did that with another woman? And I have to know they work together every Saturday ALONE in the entire office?!?!

Can anyone tell me how should I work on this relationship? yes we are together now, I am happy to have him back but...I think he losts my trust. I was 200% trusting him, never I could imagine he will even flirt with females!:sad2:

Hmm... I think you found the real reason he started cooling things down. So that wasn't working for him, and he wants you back after he already put you on the backburner. Don't just allow him to walk back in because he took you back. You have as much right to that decision as he does. Once the trust is gone, there is no going back, no way to fix it, only ways to deal with the hurt. I don't know if either of you are ready for that road.

I have not been sleeping, still thinking what he did to me. I cannot believe he will do that. If you guys are in my shoes, will you forgive him given the fact that he was honest. He really didnt hv to tell me coz I will never ever find out that he kissed his coworker while I gave him time to cool down and think. I remembered clearly on the night I told him I am giving him time alone BUT with one condition that he cannot fall in love with another person during these 10 days!!!

If you guys are in my shoes, will you forgive him given the fact that he was honest????

You can't control how people fall in love. I'm sure he's not head over heels for this other woman, but he's certainly not ready to commit to you either.

I wouldn't be able to continue if I were in your shoes. If my heart is set on being committed to someone, I need that person to be on the same page with me. Waiting around is useless and heartbreaking. You could be using this time to get passed everything and sooner be on your way to finding someone more right for you. Instead, you're hung up on a guy who is indecisive and stalling. And it seems like he's doing so because he tried to pursue something with this coworker of yours.

And I wouldn't put too much stock into his telling you about the kiss upfront. He knows you work together, right? He probably figured it would get back around to you at some point, and figured it best to tell you himself. Sort of a method of damage control.