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Yeah I mean even after I talk to his parents, I'm obviously not going to step away or anything, I'll be as close to him as always... I know, it would be a nightmare for anybody!! I mean if they were to put him in a hospital or something... He'd hate it so much... But then there's nothing else that can be done... :(Quote:
Originally Posted by DrBremer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Thank you for your support!
Just because she stepped back does not mean that it caused him to jump. OP: don't let that story make you take on this mans problems. Doing that is you trying to be something you're not. No one said you had to disown this man, just that you stop taking on his problems and trying to fix him.Quote:
Originally Posted by DrBremer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes I mean by talking to his parents and having him go to a psychologist I think a lot of the "weight" will be unto them (especially the doctor)... But I'm still going to support him as a friend, it's not like I'm going to stop talking to him or listening to him or anything...
I have to agree with vashti on this one. It sounds like manipulation. Sure he has emotional issues, but he is using your willingness to help him as time together. A sort of screwed up date if you will. Why do you think he told you that he has feelings for you? Why do you think that he got upset and stopped answering your calls when you told him you were dating his friend?
You are allowing him to involve you in his mess of a life and are also now part of the reason he is depressed. Step back and let his family and the professionals handle this. If he is better in the future maybe you can be friends again, but you also have to ask yourself how being in contact with him will affect his depression since he has feelings for you while you have none for him.
Your compassion is a bit misguided here and you involvement is actually a hindrance to his recovery since he has feelings for you. I'm sure that isn't what you wanted to hear but it is what it is.
:D
This thread is reminding me of when doppel threatened to jump from the apartment window when he was fighting with citycat (his girlfriend, who was another poster). He lived on the first floor. :D :D :D
No I agree, being close to him while he has feelings for me but I don't for him can actually make him feel worse... I'm actually hoping that the reason he isn't answering me anymore (it's been a day and a half, not a long time but kind of a lot compared to our standards) is because he is trying to keep away from me since I would hurt him even more. I know it sucks, but it's the way these things go, and I'm definitely going to step back if I know for sure that it won't hurt him more than having me around (I know that he's going to suffer either way). I don't think it's manipulation - at least, I know for "sure" that it's not his conscious intention. Right now I can't wait to talk to him or his parents! I really hope I'll be able to contact them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
DO NOT LISTEN TO ADVICE ON A FORUM ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH SUICIDE SITUATIONS! No one is properly trained to handle it or give advice and most have little to no experience with such things. From someone who was suicidal for years and then lived with someone who was suicidal absolutely do not listen to a single thing anyone on the internet says about it except maybe a forum full of people who have been there and tried it. That forum is scary though... Talk to professionals and call hotlines for advice. Try to get him to talk to a therapist of some kind. Do not listen to any of the advice on here about what to say to him or his parents. Each situation is different and requires professional or experienced help.
So you think I shouldn't talk to his parents? There is no way I can get him to have psychotherapy before September. We aren't even in the same town right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by kageri [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Of course I am not going to listen to all advice given to me on a random forum. I guess I just need support in this. To call his parents was one of the first things I thought, ever since he started talking to me on a "deeper" level. I have never done it because it always felt like I would have invaded his "spaces" or something. It would've been selfish and insensitive from my part. After all, it's up to him what he chooses to do with his life. I am not his parent nor his guardian. So I tried to be as supportive as I could as a friend, being there when he needed to talk, listening when he needed to vent, etc. He told me more than once that I am the only one he feels he can openly talk to about anything and everything (I know that this is far from being a positive thing, in this situation). I have already talked to a psychologist about him, and they advised me to get him to have psychotherapy, which is what was "supposed" to happen in September. Obviously I had already thought about it (I have gone through something similar myself) and after some time I managed to convince him to get psychotherapy in September, when he comes back to the town we usually live in. But now, ever since I told him about the guy I'm dating, it's like something exploded in his head and it all crumbled. I really don't know. I am getting seriously worried that September might be too late. That's why I intend to contact his family. I'll try to get him on the phone first. Talk to him directly. But if things still don't get better, I don't really see an option. Best thing would be to be able to wait until September, so he could get therapy without having to go through his family, which would of course be enormously stressful and painful for him.
lolQuote:
Originally Posted by kageri [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
maybe they can give advice on how to do it right?
anyway, your advice is the same as everyone else's.
So what you're saying is that without professional training no one is qualified to give even common sense advice? Please... Then you say go to a forum full of suicidal people, even though it is "scary". Then you give the same advice that so many others have given while telling the OP [not] to take any advice from this forum (which you are also giving advice through). LOL @ you.Quote:
Originally Posted by kageri [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Anyway since I clearly have a bit more brainpower, and choose to use it, I suggest you (the OP) not talk to this guy anymore. He has seemingly made it clear that he doesn't want to contacted by you. Not to mention that he has feelings for you that obviously aren't reciprocated. Don't try to talk to him because of some sort of selfish motivation (i.e. you wanting to know that he is alright), just find a way to contact his parents, tell them the situation, then back off. Like you, and everybody else said, "he isn't your responsibility". You've got a life you've got to live and a relationship that you have to nurture. The more involved you get with this guy the more likely he is to commit suicide based on something [you] do or don't do, and the guiltier you'll feel when he does it. Conversely, the further you are away from his lunacy and focus on living your own life the better. That way he won't have someone who he wants, but can't have close to him. Also if he actually does kill himself you'll know that you didn't contribute to it and therefore won't be as devastated. It will still be sad, but the guilt won't be there and the hurt won't be as bad.