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That's exactly what I plan to do, and am doing. I know that he is not my responsibility, it's what I'm saying in this thread. I want him away from me, that's the problem, not how I could solve his. I am out of his life, I just want him to not get in touch with me at all so I can stay out!
If you actually meant that, then you would not return his calls, you would not be meeting up with him one on one and you would have asked your doctor for a referal or even talked to your own physician about what you should do so that you'd not feel guilty if you distanced yourself from him and he offed himself over it. We're not professionals here, doll and it seems every suggestion we do give you you have some reason why it wouldn't work or why you shouldn't do it or more questions about it.
as Nike would say: "Just Do It." He's a creepy little man who manipulates the crap out of you. Put a stop to it now and if that means telling him NO whenever he wants to meet and not answering his texts, calls, emails then so be it. If you're at a group friends function where he'll be then don't let yourself be alone with him.
Apart from the meet up, all the other things I've stopped doing since that time in august when I realized that it was better for both of us if I kept away from him. I now know that I shouldn't have agreed to meet up with him, and I won't do the same mistake again. I thought I made that clear in this thread - I want him to stay away from me. It took me a while to realize it, but now it's very clear to me that hanging out with him or even just keeping in touch with him is bad, for both of us. I just have a problem with cutting off all contact all of a sudden, mostly because of the fact that it would be impossible anyway, since we have lots of friends in common and see each other more than twice a week. But in this thread you have given me lots of good advice on how to deal with the whole situation, some of which I had already thought of, so I'll definitely stick to not contacting him, refusing to meet one on one, and most of all not discussing his problems with him at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Hm actually I hadn't specified that we have lots of friends in common and we see each other often in the opening post, that's why I explained the situation into further detail when you suggested I ignore him completely. That's why I don't think it would've worked, cause it would've been awkward. But I agree with the general idea - I won't completely ignore him out of the blue, but as I said I will not talk to him alone or if not strictly necessary even with other people, I'll just stick to hello and goodbye (I've already been doing this since we met up that day).Quote:
it seems every suggestion we do give you you have some reason why it wouldn't work or why you shouldn't do it or more questions about it.
My other doubt was about whether it would be useful for me to contact his parents just to tell them that he is obsessed by me. One of the two main reasons I am actually unwilling to do so is that I don't want to get more involved! (The other is that I don't think it would be useful, considering he is getting professional help and this is just a symptom of his well-known illness.)
Agreed : ).Quote:
Put a stop to it now and if that means telling him NO whenever he wants to meet and not answering his texts, calls, emails then so be it. If you're at a group friends function where he'll be then don't let yourself be alone with him.
Good luck. No matter what he does to himself be assured it's not your fault or your responsibility.
Thank you for all your help : ).
Update:
I have broken contact with him, since that day. I haven't been looking for him and have not responded to any attempts from his part to communicate beyond just saying "hi" to each other or casually talking when in a group of friends, with other people in the conversation. A few weeks ago he went back to his hometown and is currently at his parents' house. But he has been keeping trying to contact me. Asking me how I feel, if I'm ok, etc. I don't reply to his text messages, so he texts my boyfriend, asking info about me. They are friends, and my bf knows about his feelings for me and doesn't want to hurt him so out of courtesy he tells him what he wants to know (just generally if I'm ok, he obviously doesn't give him additional info).
But the last few days he (the guy who has a crush on me) texted me asking for my e-mail address. He was the one to erase it from his address book, because he wanted to cut all contact with me (this happened in August). I decided to reply because he was already going too far and I wanted him to just leave me ALONE. So I texted him telling him something like "I'm sorry but I can't help you. I strongly, once again, suggest you get professional help. See you around. Bye!". Quite clear, right? Apparently not clear enough for him. This morning (a couple of days after my last message to him) I find a really long e-mail in my inbox from an unknown address. Turns out it's him. He searched for my e-mail address on the internet and I don't even know how he got to it. This, per se, freaks me OUT. He went on talking about what he thinks about me and that I MUST tell him why I'm taking my distances from him and what has he done wrong. He talks about personal stuff about me and my ex boyfriend and my current one (stuff that he makes up in his mind, he has all sorts of theories). He says that he is finally considering getting therapy and now he's asking me to help him get it. I'm DONE.
I didn't even read the whole e-mail, I was SO pissed off and aggravated. He has NO RIGHT to intrude into my life, especially after I've made it clear that I don't want him in it. I deleted the e-mail and I texted him one last time telling him just this: "Please do not contact me anymore. Bye". I hope he got the message this time. I'm sorry because I know he's sick, but honestly, he passed the line big time.
I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid now, for "revenge" or something: he would totally be capable of it. But I'm done, totally done with all of this.
(I have a relative with bipolar and other issues. So this situation is eerily close to what I went through.)
His suicide attempts indicate he has a serious mental illness. You are not responsible for his frame of mind. When he tries to hurt himself, he is crying out for help, an end to the pain and sadness. He really needs to find some effective meds and stay on them.
As for you, I'm glad you are clear that you do not have the skills to help him. So you should cut off all communication, all of it. Sounds like you have made yourself clear to him in that you don't want to see him. He just things you might be able to help him, so he persists. If you are not ready for something so demanding as this bipolar guy, cut off all communication. Don't even read his emails or texts, just delete them.
- He will persist when you cut off communication. Be strong and consistent. Do not reply. Use email filters to filter him out. I don't know if cell phones have text msg filters now or not. If so, use them.
- Choose to not have negative people in your life.
- If he breaks the law, call the police and AT LEAST make a report. The police cannot do anything unless there is an official paper trail of how he is acting. If you need it, get a restraining order.
Oh gosh. This sounds like my relative I told you about above. They always turned the conversation around and made it all about them. They talked about how awful their life was (mainly due to their own bad choices, like not staying on meds), how this and that person was awful to them, their "illness of the week", etc.Quote:
"Oh, but you're not excited to see me? I see how it is"
I feel for you. I had to cut off all communication with this person. It's been 15 years now. Just talked to them earlier this year, they are on more powerful meds, and doing a bit better.
Thanks. I'm glad that you, as a person who has dealt with this type of situation, think I'm doing the right thing in cutting off all contact.
I made it very clear to him (as it is entirely clear to myself) that I CANNOT HELP HIM. I told him more than once that he needs to seek help elsewhere, i.e., from a professional. There's nothing more that I can, or intend to, do. I just hope that he will NOT try to contact me again (or my bf asking for info about me, creepy!!).