Originally Posted by
IndiReloaded
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There is a way to say it w/o bending over, Cog. Assertive vs. aggressive, as mentioned before.
"I know I not the greatest at [insert working flaw here], and I'm really trying to improve, but when you [insert her working flaw here] it really make me feel... and makes it difficult for me to focus on solving the problem we are having. It gets my back up, frankly. Why don't we try [insert new, non-escalating behaviour here]." Remember to smile and use open non-aggressive body language when you say this. If you think this is bending to her will (its not), then *you* have a serious issue to discuss with the counsellor. It takes work to be diplomatic tho, no question. Expediency is not going to work for you in this.
Someone has to provide a positive model for good behaviour. Your past behaviour is not what I would call positive, it is coping (or status quo). It will be good for your kids to see this new strategy for dealing with conflict as well. Ask your counsellor for suggestions.
Also, I wonder if your wife has problems *recognizing* her anger when its approaching. That's one of the main issues for people who fly off the handle, I believe.
@ HIA - am I right about this? You are our local LF expert on this.