Well after speaking to her for hours last night and the night before i've found out A LOT more about her. I discussed the possibility about coming to visit her early and she seemed keen on the idea, shes currently studying to be a certified nursing assistant but is starting college in august to be a psychology major and go into surgery. So I told her that I have 8,000 in savings in my account and that i'd be willing to use it to come and see her, she said she'd rather I come before she starts college but the only thing is shes broke and has no money so I told her i'd help her out with funds and she said that would be great. Then she started telling me things about how her family are so poor and her mum can hardly afford to pay the bills and I told her I would try and help out and she told me that would be great if I could but I dont have too, but I want to help her and her family out.
Things then started getting darker, she started opening up to me about her life and what shes been through and theres a lot of stuff that I just cant get my head around. She told me that if i'm coming to visit her in the summer then I have a right to know some things about her and what shes been through, apparently she split up with her last boyfriend last feb and after she split with him she was so upset that she started cutting herself, she hasn't cut herself since last april. Shes also admitted that her older brother suffers from serious mental health issues and that her mother is bipolar, the doctors also think she could be bipolar but shes in denial about it. She also admitted to an ex boyfriend drugging her sodas at a party and raping her. She then told me about how she used to be bullied at school for her weight (shes slim now) and that it got so bad once she ran back home and her mum tried to make her go back, she got into an argument with her mum and went to grab a knife from the dishwasher to stab herself. Her mum stopped her andshe felt so guilty and took over 60 pills and locked herself in her room and tried to kill herself. She also doesn't have much of a social life because her mum doesn't let her go out much and shes always worrying about things. So obviously after hearing all this I told her i'm going to need some space to think about all this and clear my head. Shes not the same person I thought she was, but obviously i'm still in love with her and I want to help her and take care of her. I'm not used to dealing with this though, i'm just a normal guy with a normal life with normal friends and I feel like i've fallen for a girl whos got all kinds of psychological problems although she said since meeting me shes been fine and never felt happier, which makes it even worse because I feel like I can't let her out of my life now. I fear that if I said goodbye she would do something bad and I dont want that on my conscious. I don't know what to do, her lifes so depressing and I thought she was this sweet innocent girl but shes not, i'm really scared about meeting her and being involved in her life and i'm also worried that she will bring me down as well if I got involved with her and I don't want to become some manic depressive. But I love her so much and I don't want to cut her out of my life either, plus I think she would do something drastic if I was to leave now and I couldn't handle that. I'm so confused. :(