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Originally Posted by
IndiReloaded
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No, but I was very tempted once and chose not to. Some who know my situation even argued I had every reason. But it wasn't worth my self-respect nor other things I care about to go that route. So, I know exactly what its like to have ones feet held to the fire and walk away. Most here don't have that delightful experience, I suspect.
Good for you for maintaining your integrity. Not knowing your intire situ, I'll not say too much but I will say that if most here that though you had every reason, did they also tell you to leave if you felt you loved someone else or did they tell you to go ahead and cheat. I still maintain that there are no reasons, there may be justifiations but no reasons when you could leave. If you did cheat and he found out then you would likely have to leave so the excuse that those that cheat and stay for the children is yet another excuse. Shit happens, I'm not saying it doesn't but you can leave if you are not happy. One's children will survive and they are quite resilient when they continue to have two loving and involved parents who happen to live separately.
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I would submit that most couples, particularly women, don't want to discuss it. I wouldn't say europeans agree to it, so much as tolerate it.
Well even if it's only tolerated, it is at least known about and accepted as part of the deal in many instances. Afterall we as a species were not meant to be monogamous. It is church that has dictated that we be with one and government that has dictated that we marry only one. Wasn't it King Soloman that had 6,000 wives (or something?) IMO I'ts not the act itself that is the worst of it but rather the continued deceit and/or pre-meditated coniving that is the unforgiving part. A one-off mistake could easily be forgivin (I can only imagine)
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I think that women (and its usually women) who withhold sex from their husbands should agree in advance that its a 'cheatable offense'.
I think they should agree in advance that it is reason to open up their marriage. Not cheat Sometimes the women is withholding because like her husband she too is bored, not fulfilled and/or being taken for granted by a husband whose idea of foreplay is to say "get yourself wet and I'll put it in" lol (old italian joke)
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Same goes for women and 'emotional affairs'. You would say they should end the relationship, but that's not always the best solution particularly when children are involved,
I believe that emotional affairs are what happen when we allow ourselves to cross our personal boundaries, we allow ourselve to become vulnerable to someone other than our SO. I suspect you're not unique in the emotional affair department. That's why I preach about personal boundaries, not entertaining one-on-one date like activities with opposite sex friends and communicating with our SO's with our "I" feelings.
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Wakeup. It really depends on whether the couple can get their needs satisfied elsewhere without being uncivil. Sometimes the husband or wife doesn't want to meet their partner's need but still want to stay married.
Open relationship. Most won't suggest that though and it's not about fearing what their SO will do but rather they don't want to share, but want to be able to themselves.
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How do you reconcile that? By staying miserable and hostage to one person who won't come through in their responsibility in one area, but are perhaps great in others?
You are in a partnership. This is about wanting your cake and eating it too which is totally possible if your partner agrees. If you know your partner won't agree to you stepping out so you don't ask for an open relationship then you are cheating so that you get your cake and keep it to.
I went through a short witholding period after the birth of our daughter. He asked to see others and i said that's fine, but when I get my mojo back,I get to do the same. Funny, we worked it out, he became more attentive, made sure I got some help with the babe occassionally and he courted me like he once did. I got my mojo back and subsequently learned to absolutely love Niagara Falls because that was where he took me to get me away from the daily routine of motherhood.
Perhaps we should change the vows to: I promise to forsake all others for at least five years then we renogotiate?
Cheers.