In my last post i was not talking about josh or his ex-i was commenting simply on what you said about insecurity. You seem to have a black and white opinion on everything and its not always that simple.. That is what i am saying here
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In my last post i was not talking about josh or his ex-i was commenting simply on what you said about insecurity. You seem to have a black and white opinion on everything and its not always that simple.. That is what i am saying here
Dear... when i'm posting in Josh's thread, I'm posting on the facts at hand in josh's thread. Lots of threads may have similar endings as Josh's, but usually the facts are different that led to that particular ending.
Yes i get that-i do the same. But i dont agree that she is an insecure person in general. I think she just knows what shes comfortable with and this relationship made her feel insecure so she got out of it
*laughing here* that's what I said... she's insecure.
I'd agree with you both, and to back up Michelle one of the reasons I cared a lot for my ex is because her past is very clear (not just compared to mine). For example she's been with no more than 5 guys, all were her boyfriend at the time besides 1, and that was because they just ended up not being compatible after a while. She also doesn't sleep around and doesn't date very often, which could add into our current status because maybe she likes her freedom much more.
Either way I doubt she'll keep texting me to be honest and I already told her I have no interest in being her friend because that will do nothing but either postpone both of us from not having any more feelings or/and hurt us, whether I move on first or her. She texted me again asking if we could speak in person but I said it's up to her..knowing that she probably won't follow through anyway.
Why do so many promiscuous men want a chaste girlfriend? Y'all suck donkey ballzzzz for your ridiculous double standard.
Lol i know that irritates the life out of me too. It IS double standards and wrong.. I had a BIG debate here before with a man on that topic. Hed beed with 30-40women, was 24 and wanted a "good girl" lmfao
I was brutal to him i must admit but so was a lot of people..
My theory is: those men dont like their own behaviour-deep down they feel ashamed and insecure and secrety think any women stupid enough to sleep with them must be a slag. They pretend its normal to treat women that way and they only associate with girls that are like them for a long while so when they actually meet a girl who has some self respect-its a challenge. If she can love him, trust him enough to sleep with him-then there must be something special about him and it slightly boosts his self esteem.
Am i right josh?
The thing that bothers me the most tho is that when a lot of these men finally find their other half-they treat her badly by cheating etc..
Im not talking about ALL-some really do change their ways but a lot of them hurt this amazing woman who he apparantly "loves" really anniys me..
You are right but that means that because of somethings that happened 2 years and back ago I have to "suffer" and deal with girls with similar pasts? The way things were then were the way they were, if I was asked to change them would I? Of course. But I cannot and that shouldn't mean I have to go for girls who will tell me "yeah, by the way any guy who looked my direction I went to bed with."
The past is over with, my ex before this one had a similar past to mine and I still stayed with her, didn't so much judge her on it. But when we broke up she jumped in bed with another man less than a month later. I have not done this in years nor do I plan to do it now. Maybe it's a double standard but so what? Because of my past I should only date new girls with similar pasts? I can't prefer to be with girls whom I trust won't hop on the next guy the second she's "set free?"
Of course with a past like mine any girl, including my recent ex, would (and she does) think that the first girl willing who comes along I'm going to scoop up. 2+ years ago when I didn't care so much about relationships she'd be right. Now I feel differently and now I'd rather be with one woman whom I care for and keep my eyes on her only. Again, if I could go back and make this mentality that way then, I would. But I shouldn't be criticized for not wanting to date "another me." I also don't blame her for thinking the way she does. I never once said it shouldn't be a big deal and to forget about it. I just wished she would focus on what I was doing with her.
Can you explain why you feel you'd have to "suffer?" You say you've changed. Why do you not think that a woman could change too.Quote:
I have to "suffer" and deal with girls with similar pasts? The way things were then were the way they were,
With that quote, you're basically whining that you shouldn't have to deal with a ball freak even though you yourself were one. You're wanting chaste girls to not judge you while you judge unchaste girls.
I'll add that just because you didn't jump into bed immediately after a break-up (like your ex did) it doesn't make you a saint and her a whore.
At this point who cares. You want a chaste girl then get one who care more about how you are now and how you treat her instead how you were when you were fking girls just like you.
And by the way, I've had one one-night-stands in my life. Every other girl that I've slept with were girls I took out on dates, and got to know them enough where it could have turned into a relationship. I never used a girl to sleep with them. Never manipulated a girl to sleep with me and never lied to them with promises of being my girlfriend. For the real reason it always went sour is because the girl wanted to sleep with me, and when my self respect was at it's lowest I would sleep with them. Never did it just happen once then I'd drop them. It would go on as "dating" for a couple months until they started to I guess show who they really were and it always turned out to be somebody I couldn't see myself with, but it seemed different the first month after we would first sleep together. For example, one girl turned out to be sleeping with her ex while we were also sleeping together...I said enough of that and left. I always reach the part of casual dating where I'm not speaking or hooking up with others and are only dating that one specific girl but I just always ended up with something short-term because I didn't feel comfortable or like it was heading in a right direction. And after that ended, I didn't move on to another girl right away either. I kept to myself, so I don't have such a horrid, monstrous past as it may seem.
By the way, I am nowhere near the 30-40 woman mark like the man you mentioned in an earlier post.
"suffer" metaphorically. Meaning be stuck with a girlfriend who is or was a whore. If I meet a girl I like and she was a whore before we met but isn't now, than that's the way it is, I would accept that. I just personally have an easier time trusting many more things with a "chaste" woman than one who may have been a whore at one point. JUST like any woman should feel about me, I know I'm no saint nor would I ever come off acting like I was one.
Then as I said, find a chaste girl who is secure enough in herself and how you treat her now in t that she won't hold your past against you. This girl you're on about is NOT that girl. You might have a better chance if you find a chaste girl if you don't treat her indifferently or lie to her. Ya know?
The reason a lot of women will act like your current ex is because they add up your past, plus the lie, plus the indifference you may show them and it totals "get lost."
You're young. I think you've learned a lesson or two with this relationship so it's not a total loss... It's likely she wouldn't be your last ex even if you were perfect to her. NEXT!
I don't think you should suffer either for your past. You don't sound like a typical player (the type id avoid)- you sound like you were searching for commitment but couldn't find someone good enough to commit to. That is fair enough.
As for not trusting women for there past-you probably have a point but it doesn't necessarily boil down to their past-its usually there self esteem. Make sure shes confident and you can probably trust her. If she loves attention from men and it strokes her ego-shes bad news. Same goes for men who seek attention from OW.
All you can do is treat a girl right, look after her, respect her, don't ever cheat on her and I'm sure shell love you for who you are.
:)
.. He does? .. He screwed many women while not being in a relationship (according to him) That doesn't sound anything like a guy who was looking for something serious to me. Sport fking!
.. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with his promiscuity as long as he's not judging the girls who, like him just liked to boink for the sake of boinking and he wasn't disingenuous with them by leading them to think he wanted more than what he did.
He said hes never set out to use someone for sex... hes never lied, manipulated etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That doesn't mean he was looking for a relationship while he was sport fkg, michelle. I was addressing your comment wherein you said "you sound like you were searching for commitment but couldn't find someone good enough to commit to. That is fair enough."Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
As far as your "using for sex" comment. You should understand by now that if girls are willingiy screwing him before they know where they stand, then they are NOT BEING USED. The are volunteering. :)
He said he was dating those girls-it didnt work out for reasons beyond his control lol-that sounds like he was looking for a gf to me. I could have read it wrong. Well see what he says when he comes back about it..
I don't care how people dress it up. Its using. AND we already know that lots of insecure women use their body to try and catch a man. Its like a spider trying to catch a fly. Some stupid women even mistake sex for love and are upset each time they watch countless men run away because they are too easy..
I had this discussion here before with a few men and they agreed with my point of view on this. Some men do use lots of women for sex and lots of these women are looking for more than just sex only to get burned time and time again.
But I'm not saying that these women are angels or victims. I think they are idiots lol.
And I know there are lots of women whose sole mission in life is to see how many men they can seduce but those women have issues. There are men like that too. I call them narcissistic.
Well I don't see the humour e.g. "lol" but anyway.. Check out post No. 1.(I think it was No. 1) where he says she was upset because he screwed lots of women while not in a relationship with them.Quote:
He said he was dating those girls-it didnt work out for reasons beyond his control lol-that sounds like he was looking for a gf to me.
The lol was aimed at you and me disagreeing as usual -not at him ;)
Okay I see your point. I've forgotten the original-this is so long. Well it sounds like you know what you want now Josh and you have more self respect and respect for women which can only be a good thing. Onward and upward
Actually it was post No. 9.Quote:
she has a few trust issues concerning me. one is my history with how many girls I've slept with plus the lack of them I was actually dating.
This isn't about differring opinions.. Its about you voicing your opinion on the wrong facts, acctually...
On edit. Oh, I see where you now see what I'm saying. I missed that as i was posting at the same time. :)
Point taken. I was going by what he said in his last post ^^^ - not what he said on page one lol.
Well it sounds like he has grown up a lot and its proven that people can change if given a chance :)
It wasn't page one it was page nine. lmao.
As for your second sentence, I'm thinking he's learned something about himself, but somehow I'm also thinking he'll be back to his old ways of exercising his options sans being in a relationship while he "gets over" his ex. Just a guess.
He already said hes not going to do that. I hope he doesn't anyway..
He SAYS he feels differently. Time will tell if he'll be "chaste" when someone like the past him presents herself to him.
.. btw.. sorry for talking about you behind your back, Josh. Michelle and I are just doing some speculating here. Based on what you say, yes you've changed.. none of us will know (not even you) if you have until you're presented with a situation where you have to decide.
Be well and always be safe.
hey guys just for good measure this is a harmless debate, you guys have your points and I have mine. No offense taken just in case I may seem offended.
But to clarify; no I never used girls for sport BUT from first glance it would seem that way. At each time I obviously didn't realize this and didn't think other people did either. Now I guess from the last relationship it has been a learning experience and I have to be more careful with how I present myself. I never acted cocky or high and mighty after I went to bed with anybody. Because as I mentioned previously it was never a "victory" I planned for, it just always ended up being that way and to be honest one girl I even told I didn't want to hook up with anymore until something more solid formed. Not because I wanted to pursue somebody else but that relationship started getting to physical and SHE broke it off with me because I didn't want to just fck her.
And now the present. So me and my ex broke up, she had her reasons and none I blame, and I learned from it, which is good. But as we speak there's this girl that's been pursuing me for almost 3 years and has told me numerous times that we can hook up with no strings attached. She's attractive but I'm not interested. I don't want hook ups and I certainly do not like pursuing any girl that open about just hooking up because she can. That to me is where I'm coming from when I mentioned "chaste" women. When I first started talking to my recent ex, that's what attracted me the most when she wouldn't just come on to me until she felt we were going in the right direction, I have more respect for women that way and lately I've had more respect for myself to not contradict that.
Please, if you have a discussion about me behind my back it's perfectly alright. And personally this is the best advice/discussion I've had in quite some time. I appreciate non-biased opinions and information greatly. And it even helps me learn a little about myself that I may not have thought of otherwise.
Josh i think if you explain all that in the future to a girl-she will not judge you. As for that girl persuing you for ages-its great you havnt given in-well done. Women like that are like spiders trying to catch a fly. She might give up now that your single. Some women like her use their body to catch a man-then when they think they have him wrapped around their little finger-they completely go off sex.
I know a few girls like that. Would go out and shag half the town but now that their in a relationship-they treat him like some sort of pervert for wanting to sleep with her.
I feel that's how my ex of 5 years was, thinks the only way a guy will want her is by using her body instead of her brain, which is the kind of girl I have more respect for, like my current ex. The 5 year ex and I didn't have sex until a couple weeks after we officially started dating but we broke up once during the 5 years for about 7 months and she hooked up with two other guys and kind of clung to them for a while until they had enough, then she came back to me. Believe it or not I was so stupid that I took her back.
Now this proves why I was harping on the situation with my current ex so much, because to me she acts like a real woman who was raised by a good family and was raised to have very high self respect. I admire this about her. And speaking of, I haven't spoken to her myself but she texted me today out of nowhere asking if I knew that "1 out of 25 people don't have a conscience?" I replied "nope" and she said nothing else. A few hours later I posted a picture of myself on instagram and she commented on it tagging "#guizwithtattooz" but deleted the comment a half hour later. I guess she's trying to push the friend thing on me or stay friendly but I can't really handle us just being friends.
I appreciate the people on this thread understanding that I'm not some player or out to just bed as many women as I can. As I had stated, I always mean well and have better intentions but it always ends up being incompatibility after something intimate happens.
At least you know what you want and understand yourself. Many men don't. Its better to have no contact with her. You'll heal faster this way :) Its for the best and the next time you meet someone special-it could be the real deal
it's getting hard because she keeps texting me. she texted me again this morning asking if I was busy today bc she never got to give me my birthday presents. I was polite but not overly talkative and told her I was busy. she asked what I was doing and I told her, which was going to get a drink w my old friend Audrey I knew from awhile back then going out after. she was furious and said she knew I was already chasing other girls but I explained she's an old friend plain and simple. I told her shes jealous and she admitted it and again sent me some random fact like she did yesterday followed by a smiley.
it wasnt a bad or too forward conversation it actually made me feel a little better but I still don't get what she's doing, last week she told me to leave her alone? anyway, it's better to post here than text her, which I'm not going out of my way for, I'm just being polite because after all she didn't break up with me for no reason so I don't want to be mean to her.
You need to cut all contact and tell her you cant be friends because you need space to get over her. I suggest you send her one last text telling her that and ignore her after that if she contacts you again. It may be a good idea to block her on Fabebook and other sites too-not to be mean or nasty but just so you don't feel an urge to spy on her or anything.
Yea.. last week she told you to leave her alone because she didn't want to be your gf, now she just wants you to demote you to being her MALE GIRLFRIEND. Don't let your ego be too stroked by her random tidbits of attention. Keeping her around will likely only screw up anything new you establish with the next girl you find attractive and see potential in when your ex keeps vieing for your attention and takes it away from your new gf. Pffft.Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritofjosh [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Lesson for the future: Remember the beginning of your thread when you were advised to tell her "Have a good Life?" Thats what you do in the future if she (she being any girl who doesn't know what she wants) doesn't know what she wants and asks for space or a break. She's not your wife.. no trial separations. No jumping through hoops for her, No trying to "win" her back.
When a girl tells you she needs space then give it to her. Don't have drinks with her, don't buy her flowers and don't talk to her and don't entertain her on her birthday. You tell her you know where I am when/if your ready and then get on with your life after telling her "no break, we work it out or we break up" If she thinks you need to "fight" for her or "buy" her affections then you should take the hint to run from her immaturity.
She chose to break up with you. Don't let her manipulate you into being her male girlfriend. If she wants you back, she should tell you that... don't wait around either.
Once we broke up she deleted her facebook so even if I wanted to I couldn't spy. And she didn't block me, her names still on my friends list but listed as "deactivated." And she still texts me since still, littler here and a little there so I haven't been completely ignoring her but I do just give her one-one word response than nothing to the response she gives back. She'll get the hint that I'm not trying to be her friend trust me, she already probably thinks I don't want to be her boyfriend again because she jumps to conclusions...just like how she always assumes I'm going to drop her the first good opportunity comes. In other words, me being very unresponsive is the same as flat out ignoring her.Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
In other words, no it's not.
She wants you to chase her id say. Drama.. Just ignore her. You shouldnt have to put this much into impressing her. She cant have her cake and eat it. Just keep ignoring her.
What is the point of any further contact with her? The relationship is stone cold dead. Any potential friendship is going to be a sad, crippled mockery of actual friendship. Just stop. Stop talking to her. Stop texting her. Stop trying to look at her Facebook page. Just stop. The next time you feel the urge to talk to her, just bang your head against the wall. You will get the same result, only without giving her the satisfaction of causing the pain.
By any chance did you read my last post? She doesn't have facebook, so there is non to look at. I said she texts ME, not vice versa. I don't text her under any circumstance, if she didn't text me there would be 0 contact, 0 conversation. And lastly, I told her I didn't want to be friends, so we are not friends. Perhaps she thinks we are or thinks we will be if she keeps trying to be nice, but I am not friendly back. Soon enough she will stop, and that will be that. I'm not a rude, impolite person, if she texts and asks a question I will answer the same as I would answer any text from any other person, friend or not. I don't give her special treatments via text.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
No offense but next time read my post carefully before you basically list the opposite of what I'm doing. Thanks.