I think this situation is vey unfair to your husband.
I hope you won't break your family because of that bullshit.
I think this situation is vey unfair to your husband.
I hope you won't break your family because of that bullshit.
A great marriage can be an ongoing source of happiness in your life for many years to come. By comparison, acting out on unusual sexual fantasies is a brief, intermittent pleasure. It's obvious that your marriage is worth more than that, so hopefully you can keep your priorities straight.Quote:
Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Wow. While I must admit the lifestyle draws some crazies in, not everyone with sadistic tendencies is an abusive asshole or nasty prick. There are perfectly nice people in the lifestyle too. Don't rant at me about something you know nothing about.Quote:
Originally Posted by bcgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Where the hell did your impression that I think of myself as a religious scholar come from? An architecture student, yes (I imagine you got that from the fact I knew what SketchUp was), but religious scholar? Baffling. :/ And "back in the old days" was an ironic reference to before the massive '50 Shades' craze we had in the UK. Now stop being a dickhead and play nice.Quote:
Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Not a bad shout - try fetlife.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You're such an idiot it's unbelievable.Quote:
Originally Posted by bcgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
^ yes there are acceptions but I am talking about generalization. If u are into choking and inflicting pain while making love, the odds are u have a certain type of personality that is capable of inflicting some sort of mental pain as well. The ones that appear nice on the outside are the worst. I too have a sadistic side to me. I will also admit I do have a sociopathic personality, this probably stemmed from abuse at home while growing up. I know all to well about this topic. I inflicted a lot of pain on my ex bf, physical and mental (cheated on him countless times) yet I can not feel remorse....this hurt him the most. I now understand the concept of abuse and personalities on relationships and therefore can talk about it... So although u may think there are plenty of nice ppl into sadism, looks and attitude can fool.
Prove it. There are a number of academic studies out there which show exactly the opposite (I posted a handful in an earlier post on this thread, perhaps you missed it).Quote:
Originally Posted by bcgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
People here are being dumb.
Are you all forgetting the enormous amount of batshit insane people that have completely normal, standard, boring sex lives?
Personally, I'd love to beat the shit out of Minx.
Ok, I'm getting tired of the arguing and name calling in this thread. I'm deleting it in 24 hours, I just have one last thing to say.
I am not going to leave my husband. I just want to make that clear. I started this thread because so many people in here rave about how important sexual compatibility. I wanted to know if I had worked myself up over nothing, which I can be prone to do.
And for anyone who's interested, I have joined a couple of forums on the subject and am full of inspiration.
Thank you to everyone who offered genuine advice. Oh and thank you to King Z for pointing out that my husband is a genius. You helped me turn a frustration into a source of pleasure, though I am sure you didn't intend to help.
I wasn't really worried about you leaving your husband. i was more concerned about you feeding his insecurity about his inability to satisfy you in this way.
Cafe, no offense but I looked up that first article you cited. Did you actually understand the abstract?
Its a completely self-reinforcing argument (duh, given they are sex researchers). All it says is that people who like their activity experience less stress than those who didn't. Journal of Duh candidate. Plus, if that journal has an impact factor above 1 I'd be amazed.
Here is the reference if anyone is curious:
http://www.niu.edu/user/tj0bjs1/papers/scclm09.pdf
Psychology isn't a science (sorry, major bias here). Anything that you would call psychology that *is* science, almost certainly has its real roots in neurobiology or chemistry. Except that paper you cited which just 'sounds' like they are doing real science b/c they mention cortisol and testosterone. Whatever. Maybe you have a point, but that article certainly isn't helping you make it.
Anyway, how about discussing something more interesting like the Nobel Prizes:
http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/2012/
That's why I haven't bought it up with him again, but now that I have a head full of new inspiration, I have a new approach. I have no intention of letting him feel like he has been letting me down.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Id love to slap a few people in this thread, but not for sexual reasons.
The irony of a cunt like steviej thanking you for this.Quote:
Originally Posted by KingZ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Perhaps, but what you can do is quantify how many people have "depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsion... PTSD, trauma-related phenomena, personality disturbances, psychological sadism or psychological masochism" (as in Connelly et al 2006) in a sample of BDSM practitioners and the wider population to see if those things are more prevalent within BDSM. Turns out they're not.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm just sick of people assuming that enjoying BDSM is a manifestation of a deep psychological problem. They often claim it (as some have done in this thread) as though it's gospel, yet there's almost nothing out there apart from prejudice and stereotype to back up this idea. **** that I say.
^ why is it then why mostly all rapists and serial killers are sexual deviants? Into sadism and power and control over their victims? Sure there are many blue collared workers out there who go to work everyday and havent raped anyone but still have an urge for control over the vulnerable (mainly spouses). I betcha if we were to ask the OP where her fantasies stem from, we would find out about some sort of abuse from the past. Is it right for the mind to feed into these negative compulsions that is attributed from abuse? Just like ppl who r into children, is it okay to fantasize? To allow your compulsions to take over? I think the answer is obvious. Of course there is a diff between fantasizing about kids and fantasising about torturing adults, but the fact is that both are attributed to negative thoughts and behaviours that is degenerative to the mind and others therefore seeking out help for this is the right step