it's okay.
i've pretty much come to grips with the fact that i will always be in some varying degree of pain. i know my condition is not going away. plus i have degenerating joints, they're not going to miraculously come back.
believe me, i've also convinced myself that i'm going to die from back pain.
but i need relief. any kind. if not from the pain then at least the depression.
before i turn myself into an alcoholic.