Best friend told the girl of my dreams that I liked her. Nothing happened!

I do have one thing to ask: Xav suggested that since he lives to blocks away from her.. and he was told by KT that she doesn't want to deal with any guys in her life now. I understand and Xavier doesnt want to 'crush me' by having him tell me these things. I told him that I've known this deep down. Believe me, I've cried for hours and now I feel I can type it here as if it wasn't a big deal. However, I still want to give her that letter. He asked me if he should give it to her, and he'd tell her that I'm an emotional wreak and the person that she's seen do depressed lately wasn't me being myself... and I've been carrying this letter to her everyday and I just couldn't bear giving it to her. So Xavier asked me if he could do that for me.. should I? or.. I dont know. Her last boyfriend broke her heart and she doesnt want to face that again, so she want's a 'break' from guys. According to what Xavier told me. I don't want to be 'just another guy' and the letter explains everything. But would it be right to have him give it to her?

Any girl that says she doesn't want to deal with guys right now is lying. Give her the letter. What do you have to lose?

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Originally Posted by Fyesteema4

Any girl that says she doesn't want to deal with guys right now is lying...

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From God's mouth to your ear, I take it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fyesteema4

Any girl that says she doesn't want to deal with guys right now is lying.

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As much as I hate it, I have to second that. And I'm a girl.*shrugs*

Smithx, I think you need to be more self-confident, and the only way you'll get that is to give her that letter. Think about it: If she says yes, hell great! if she says no, fine. You'll be hurt, you'll be devasted and then you'll move on being damn proud of yourself for trying. Speaking from experience here. Been rejected so what? I'm still alive! ;)
Don't think that much for god sake! Be determined, let it happen.

These forums seriously need regular moderation :stuckup:

SmithX: I was in such a similar situation, but you got even further - in one way. Let me put it this way, she'll NEVER hate you - and even if she did, well she's obviously not someone you should like anyway. This whole thing should be common sense. I'm much like you and like analyse everything, but its so much easier if you don't.

When she says she doesn't want to deal with guys, well either she really doesn't, or she just doesn't want to be with you. Get over it. The letter, get it to her any way you can. But then, do NOT make any more effort. Forget and move on.

Hmm, did you give her the letter yet?

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Originally Posted by Mike

Forget and move on.

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Do you know how hard it is to hear that? Look, I've liked this girl over three years, and I've never even held a girls hand. I've waited for the right time since gradeschool, and now that I am a senior in my high school.. I feel that the time has finally come and the one person who I can truely say is 'the one' is her. Look, I know that being rejected is a big thing, but I would MUCH rather be rejected than for nothing to be said. I gave the letter to Xavier to take to her, now all I have to do is wait I guess, wait three months.

So by her telling Xavier that she didn't think she could have a guy in her life now was just a sign that she didn't like me? I wrote in the letter somewhere that said that I would rather we just talk about it one day, no matter what she thinks of me. Because I'd rather just have it all hit me in one day than to stretch into months or even years from now.

By being rejected, I not only see it as a loss of the one girl I've truly admired or the girl that's uplifted my sprits when they were low.. I see it as a failure to even have someone. By have someone I mean, most people hitch up for popularity, sex, looks, kissing, appeal... I don't think of her that way, I mean she could go on a binge and gain 50 pounds and I would still see what's only on the inside. While I see my friends, allways with someone, sweet talking, kissing, hugging, watching them part as they go to their separate classes.. then i realize that I will never have that. I can barely see myself going up to KT and talking to her, even after knowing her over 5+ years and admiring her over 3.. I don't see how (in the future after I get shot down by kt) I can just walk up to a person and find all of the phenominal qualities I see in her... That's how I see my failure. I guess these next few weeks are going to be merely a waiting period and the only real reason to post anything here would be to rant on and on.. merely blogging, but this forum is for advice I guess.. the only thing then that I think I could ask is:

If she reads the letter and feels ether sad, responsible, guilty, enlightend, happy.. do you think she will ever want to talk to me about this? Or will she continue to feel that NOT talking to me about it won't hurt me as much. I can almost gaurentee that if she don't like me that way, she would think of how others feel and put them infront of herself so they don't feel bad, therefore not saying anything to me. I've mentioned this in the letter, and I hope that one day we can just talk about this.

Another question I have: Since it's pretty obvious she don't like me, but one day talks to me about this.. do you ever think we can just be friends? I personally cannot see it, because I will always see KT as the one person I can truely say I admire more than anyone I've known in my entire life. Or will she cast a blind eye and try to brush me off like another grain of sand.. If it's time she needs, she can have all the time in the world.. but I dont know if there is a light at the end of this tunnel if i travel through it

Did I say that she didn't like you. Did anyone say that she didn't like you?

You've never even held a girls hand - that's just the point. Believe me, a LOT of people end up feeling the same way when they first mature and like someone for the right reasons. I'm not telling you to give up on this girl, but the way you're acting - condemning yourself, moaning, etc - is not going to push you in any direction. Either take a deep breath and just talk to her, get it over with, or forget, and move on.

You need to put this into perspective. You're 17, and clearly in a state of adolescence, and so is she. It's likely she will feel different in a year, and you will too.

As you said, this forum's for advice, so here's mine: Either stop being analytical and just talk to her (I mean, if you were her, would you really mind this? I wouldn't, I'd still be flattered), or move on - and this isn't a 'giving up' option, its a "I've learnt from this, and when I meet the next girl I like, I'll be able to do better".

I hope I've helped.

I agree with Mike. You have analyzed very deeply... and I think it has come to a point to where you have to make a decision. A bit of a finishing blow... putting yourself out there. Of course it makes you extremely vulnerable to hurt... but you've hurt so much already by not letting it out. Even if you get rejected, it becomes possible to get past it, or better yet, to learn from it. Something that has caused you this much emotional angst is sure to make you much stronger for the future ahead of you.

The letter: I think that chances are that she WON'T talk to you about it, regardless of how she feels. If she didn't like you, well... you've pretty much covered that part in your post. If she does like you, though... she may feel awkward bringing it up. And that's where I think that a letter is not the best choice. I think it is much better to have a talk about this in person or at least on the phone.

You're writing her letters when you could just go up to her and talk to her? Dude, you've already screwed up. Girls like guys with confidence, and writing a letter only tells the girl that you're too afraid to talk to her and that you lack confidence. No girl, or person for that matter, wants to be around the feel-sorry-for-myself guy. They want to be around someone who makes them happy when they're just around them. Don't underestimate the power of a smile.

I just went through major surgery less than week ago so yeah I'm a little down. I'm not saying that some things won't bring you down and that you can be confident all the time. But, by the sounds of it, you've got good health, you're smart...be thankful for what you've got and just enjoy life.

What I'm trying to say is...just talk to her.

Ok. I could wright another book here. But let me lay this out: She considers me a friend still after all of what's happened (Actually this shocked me). My friends X, Andy, and I went to Katie's friends house and Katie was there as well. My friends have their suspicions that I like her, heck they’ve even told me that. Guess I'm very shy when you're best friends start to ask you if you have a thing for this girl we've been hanging out with. No worries though, all my friends have someone to care for, and KT's not one of them. It's the best day of my life every time we see each other and all ready this summer has been the best it's ever been since I've gotten to see her at least twice since school ended.

I think she does feel awkward talking about it, we haven’t even scratched the surface on talking about me and the letters.. but she still talks to me as if I never gave her anything. She said to me, that she knew me 10 years ago when i was a little under 10 years old. She said she had a crush on me, and I turned her down. Now I don't remember, this.. Well, I don’t remember much under 13. I was appalled to hear this from her, then later on in the night she called a bunch of guys cute from a year book she dug up from the years we were very young.

We will probably see each other 1-2 more times before the beginning of September, and I want to make them the best 2 visits of my life. I am just so lost on how to initiate a conversation about me and her.. I want to do it, I really do. I don’t think I can be truly serious to her if I have all of my friends around.. so i need some time alone with her. X said he would force me to homecoming at the beginning of next year, he'd drag Katie there too.. and then X'd pull everyone away from both of us and leave us there together.. I cannot wait that long, and if I blow that chance, that would kill be because I would be looking forward to it for over 2 months only to blow my shot. So I want to soften the blow, and soften my urge to tell her everything with these next two visits.

Should I just try and get a better feel talking to her? Should I go from being the 'quiet one' to all of a sudden lover boy, and just tell her everything out of the blue? Should I bring it up in conversation? Should someone else bring it up in conversation thus forcing Katie and me to talk about it? I'm kinda confused. Any HELP appreciated.. any people that just read this to make me feel like crap, go to some other thread please.

Ah, letters. Yes, letters! I did that in high school once and it failed miserably! Objectively speaking, you seem to be obsessing over this girl when she has no romantic feelings for you. I think what she is trying to do is ignore that you ever wrote the letters so you guys can go back to being friends.

If she had feelings for you, you would know it! Trust me, I've been in the same place. I know what you are feeling. 41 days will turn into 41 years and you'll still be kicking yourself. Go head, ask her about the letters. I bet she'll say they were sweet, but she only sees you as a friend.