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You are making this more complicated than it needs to be. Read what Indie says.
At first, don't attack him or appear confronting or demanding. Just let him know that you are concerned and uncomfortable. Give him a chance to suggest doing the right thing.
PS: I like the "screw his brains out" part, and so will he :)
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Do let us know how the conversation with your husband goes.
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Ya I'm with Searock.
I'm hoping it goes well and all this worry was for nothing.
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We talked last night. It was definitely hard for me to start the conversation.
I told him I did not want him contacting his ex anymore. He had a point - she contacted him, not vice versa - but he did not have a clear reason why he responded to her attempt at communication in the first place. I asked him not to contact her, and if she contacted him again that I wanted him to tell me. If he wants to respond to whatever she wrote, I want to know the contents of the conversation. He agreed. He told me the reason he responded the way he did was that he was having a bad day and was stressed out and hearing from her just exacerbated it.
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There was it that hard? Communication....that's all that is needed.
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Again it was all for nothing... she needlessly contacted him so he got upset.