Worth plenty W. Again, thanks, I am definitely thinking about all this. I certainly was aware of the "fantasy" potential of whatever I feel for my friend. Think its highly likely, actually. I know (of course!) that ppl only show the face that best suits them in a given situation. But, more importantly, I do know that in the absence of data (such as my friends suitability as a mate), one tends to fill in the gaps from our own desires rather than reality... My point in raising the issue (w/my husband) is not that I'd like to "get it on" w/our friend, but that it says how incredibly emotionally starved (i.e. desperate, lets be honest!) I am to even be thinking about it. Hello... is this a wake up call?!? His response has been one for me, for sure.Quote:
Originally Posted by whaywardj
The deer-thing is a good point. I feel like this actually. The suppression is my response to not feeling I am able to express myself in my marriage. My husband is very uncomfortable w/strong displays of emotion. Very logical/controlled which is good for somethings and not others. I'm not naturally like this, but i've had to adapt in order to be "heard", understand? I have allowed, I know, myself to be neg'vly reinforced on this (be less emotional). And I'm only finally coming to realize why (which I'll keep b/t me & my navel). I am in conflict b/c this is not who I am at my core and I've grown enough in myself the past several years that I am rebelling against this as the only way. Which has caused him to pull away, neglect, etc. etc. Again, counselling to try and work out these issues. And yes, before it gets said, I know that this will only take us so far. That ultimately it comes to a decision of core values and non-negotiable needs that are either compatible or not.
The last point about both trying to manipulate me has crossed my mind and other variants of this. All I can say is that I wouldn't allow it b/c it's not ME. And that, eventually, you have to take a leap of faith in everything. I will be asking my friend his take on this and what he's been doing. Unless I've grossly miscalc'd I think I'll be able to distill some truth out. Confused, yes, but not often stupid. If I'm wrong and get burned w/this, well, then an important life lesson learned, I guess, and on to the next one. One thing I refuse to let happen is for me to get bitter about any of this. Life is still life, in all its messed up, beautiful, ugly, crazy glory.