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That's what took me until April, figuring out myself. I know so much more about how I tick than I have. I've uncovered childhood traumas and how they have affected me, and learned how to heal from them, and I've learned how to value myself and determine what is fair and not fair for me to expect from life. It has been incredible to grow as much as I have this season. I partially have you all to thank, being able to hear straight talk and be told that my innermost thoughts are smart or dumb has helped me to self-edit and determine what in my head is BS and what is legit.
I don't need a specific gender to desire me, or even someone other than my wife. I now know that I would much rather have all my needs met by my wife than have to entertain the thought of getting them met outside the marriage. Apologies for being crude, but I have separated the thoughts that are coming from my genitals and the thoughts that are coming from a valid place in my brain. Long gone are the days where I think things like "my need is to sleep around". That was pure ignorance. I know my worth, I know my responsibilities and where my loyalties should be, and I am confident that my wife and I will resolve this issue.
As of now I consider the issue closed. You all are welcome to continue talking about it or giving me advice, I'll come back here every couple weeks to check it out. Thank you all so much for your help.
Nice to read, Jak.