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I take it that you assume that I don't (or didn't anyway) do those things. You say to pay attention to her during the day which, reading between the lines, implies that I only paid attention to her at night when I wanted sex. Sorry, but that assumption is incorrect. I think that kind of selective attention is both obvious and insulting, which is why I did everything at all times of day. I don't do many of those things anymore because I feel a bit disconnected from her (as outlined earlier).
This is only going to get worse. It's time to see a professional counselor.
i'd ask him if i could buy one and then have shipped to his house to keep my secret safe from the rest of the neighbors.
raverboy
I just still don't get why you don't just beat off...I mean truly to each his own but I still can't get past the money...and you seriously need to talk to your wife about what your feeling and make her know she is beautiful to you....If I were you I'd talk to my wife and if I couldn't talk her into going to the dr then I would just beat off with my hand...well actually I'd probably consider divorce because sex is part of a healthy relationship and I know you already said you wouldn't do that and thats cool...I'm just saying what I would do.
Hm, maybe you just need to scare the shit out of her. I know you won't divorce her, but maybe you should tell her she needs to get her ass into counselling to solve your problems, or you're gone in a month. Be serious about it. See how she reacts.
Mind you, if she's actually depressed she probably still won't bother.
+1 The universe helps those who help themselves.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Anyway, I doubt this is entirely her fault, tho you seem to want to paint it that way, Incognito. When was the last time you brought her flowers or took her on a date?
If I made a plot of your frequency of sex (boring or not) to how often you do something nice for your wife, that SHE values, I'd bet you come up short. I get the sense you are resistant to counselling b/c you know you owe some responsibility for the state of your relationship.
Ok, I'll address your points one by one. Perhaps I am inadvertently painting this to be more her fault than mine. No I have not brought her flowers in a while or took her out on a formal date in a while, but that is because I have not wanted to (not because I carelessly forgot). I used to do many things because I wanted to do them, and because she is my wife. Despite that our sex life was always on life support and that eventually played a large part of the souring of the overall relationship. At any rate I will have to bring up counseling again, although last time it didn't happen. Sex? Frequency? There is hardly any frequency. I last time I had sex was in December. Before that, who knows? I will try not to be offended at that last line in your post because you are wrongfully assuming that I don't want to go to counseling because of some sort of latent guilt. I have suggested counseling before and it never came to be. I will admit that I have some reservations about marriage counselors after a counselor gave a couple the following advice (individually of course): "Have an affair. It is a way to relieve frustrations at home, and can even spice things up at home." I was personally horrified that advice such as that was given to people who were seeking help with regards to keeping their marriage together. I guess that if I had really put forth an effort the first time I suggested counseling that we could have gone, but when she didn't express interest I didn't persue it any longer because of the reason above.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think you have to give her an ultimatum. Counseling or it's over. The way I see it, she's using you in a shameful way and you're letting her because you have some bizarre moral code that would allow you to buy a surrogate human and keep it in your house to **** but you can't even consider leaving your wife because she's not holding up her end of a bargain that is pretty clear and has been for thousands of years. Married people have sex. That's how it's done.
I think you should do this again but concurrently with counselling so that effort can be recognized from both sides. Put it this way: its much less costly than divorce, so worth a shot.Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't be offended, I was just wanting to see what that comment would ping back. Some men are completely opposed to counselling b/c it offends their manhood in some way. You seem more open-minded, which is good.Quote:
I will try not to be offended at that last line in your post because you are wrongfully assuming that I don't want to go to counseling because of some sort of latent guilt. I have suggested counseling before and it never came to be. I will admit that I have some reservations about marriage counselors
It may take a couple interviews to find the right fit. We've done some counselling, and there are some really bad ones out there. Or at least, ones that didn't mesh with our mindset (I'm being kind). Not all docs are created equal, just like the surgeon who cut off that poor woman's wrong breast. You have to know what you want from them going into the session. As a guy, you'll appreciate they aren't miracle workers, just a potential alternative look at your problem. In fact, if you were both equally committed to a solution, a counsellor probably wouldn't tell you anything you couldn't find in a book or on the web.
I will warn you, tho, the counsellor will probably suggest divorce if it looks like you can't find an acceptable solution. In your case, I'm not sure that's necessarily a bad thing.
Good luck.
I find that a bit worrisome. So one counselor might say that all guys are trash, that everything is my fault, and that I am the one who needs to do more while she doen't. Another might say that she is wrong, needs to deal with whatever issues she has, and learn to have a sex drive. Another might tell each of us to have an affair. While another might simply say that there is no hope and that we need to get a divorce. I'd think that if I wanted to improve my marriage that any marriage counselor who is doing his job would offer an objective view of the problems and possible solutions. I don't expect to get a hamburger if I go to Taco Bell, or have to find a specific Taco Bell that sells tacos. It sounds like that is the case with counselors though, which tells me that the industry is based more on opinion, predisposition and possibly prejudice rather than proven methods, reason, and logic. I'm not totally ruling counseling out, but that certainly didn't make me more eager to go to one. Perhaps I'll see if anyone I know has successfully used a counselor's services.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded
I suppose that as I post more here many will realize that I am not like many men (none that I have known in my lifetime anyway). I'm not at all intimidated by counselors, nor would I feel emasculated by going to one. I think that most men who fear such things are the same ones who fear being wrong (or won't accept being wrong) and the same ones who feel like their manhood is threatened if they aren't totally in control of a situation. I don't fit into either of those categories.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I do try to keep an open mind regarding most things, most of the time. I thank you for noticing that, and take it as a compliment. :)
How fit are you? Maybe if you started going to the gym and getting sexier, she would be more motivated.
Dr's have different opinions and perspectives. So who knows you might find anyone of those examples you list there. So? It's better than doing nothing or thinking about ordering dolls to satisfy yourself?
I've been to a counsellor. She and I were not a match. While she could certainly talk to me it wasn't a good match, she wasn't able to help me. Perhaps it was her age? Perhaps it was where she was from (Russia), perhaps she is too religious, has morals that I don't believe in. Whatever. That did not stop me from seeking out another counsellor that would be a better match.
Even what counsellors say should be taken with a grain of salt- obviously.
Well send me a friend request and you can see my pictures or go to [url=http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100000111538372]Welcome to Facebook | Facebook[/url] to see my profile picture. Keep in mind that the profile picture was taken in June or July, and I have been working out since then.Quote:
Originally Posted by SirWagginston [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Damn, you're ripped. And not afraid to show it off, it seems. Just cheat on your wife; it would be probably be easy. I don't think it matters if you disrespect her, at this point. You're sticking around for the kid, not her.