Sex & Dating - How long is too long to wait?

I've been seeing this girl quite reguarly for about eight weeks now. It's obvious that we're very much into each other, talk on the phone several times a day, see each other when schedules permit, usually about once a week.

I'm getting real mixed signals here from her. Lot's of good things said "you're the only decent guy in these parts," "you'd be SO good looking with a suntan," and after I made a (innocent) joke about gay men she asked with concern, please tell me you're not gay!" There's more I can't think of at the time.

My Mother and her have even become pals. My Mom was telling her what a wonderfull husband (my late Father) was and my girl says "well now I know where (my name) gets it from."

All that doesn't sound very platonic. However, there has been very little if any affection, two good kisses, one initated by me, one by her, but certianly no sex. I'm wondering if a relationship goes TOO long without sex, does it run the risk of settleing into a platontic friendship thing, or do some people just take things sloooow? She has been hurt before, maybe needs time to trust again? Maybe each of us are scared to make the first move?

Yeah, I know, we should 'the talk' about where the relationship is headed but she's very shy, it's almost unspoken that we are 'together,' and most of all I don't want to 'pressurize' anything and scare her away.

BTW...I'm not into this for a quick lay. I truly care a lot about her but am concerned that it's time to 'ratchet it up' to the next level or it will just coast along.

Thoughts?

For background, I'm 48, she's 40. Both divorced, she has one small child.

It happens when it happens, man. ;)

There is no real set time limit, I don't think, aside from when both people feel comfortable enough and ready.

My only suggestion is to just let loose a little more.. from other posts it's obvious you guys both really like each other, but it seems, at least in my opinion, both of you are so into each other you're walking around egg shells around each other, you know what I mean?

I don't know how you guys act while around each other, but maybe if you act a little more relaxed/loose it will help her open up and feel more comfortable around you and you guys will be taking those next steps in no time.

Best of luck! I'm really glad you two are so into each other, let us know how it goes!

No more than two hours; that's about how long it'd take to drink a 6-pack, right?

8 weeks and no Nookie? Oh, you're old. I dont know. ;)

On a related issue, does it make any difference if you've know the person for a while, now find yourself dating? Does that speed up the process? No reason, just askin :goofy:

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Originally Posted by Tone

but it seems, at least in my opinion, both of you are so into each other you're walking around egg shells around each other, you know what I mean?

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I know exactly what you mean and that's a good, objective opinion. We're both VERY much alike which can be bad and good at the same time.

ONE of us has to take the lead here and at least initate a 'where are we going?' talk, and it looks like's it's gonna have to be me.

Shit :sad2:

You Can Do It *Rob Schneider Tone*

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Originally Posted by blackiesharley

I'm wondering if a relationship goes TOO long without sex?

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any suggestions?

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Originally Posted by Tone

There is no real set time limit, I don't think, aside from when both people feel comfortable enough and ready.

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__________________

The more I think about it, it's circumstances. Single Mom, totally devoted to caring for her son which I respect greatly. Has to hunt around for a baby-sitter every day, drive/pick him up at school, cook dinner/breakfast,grocery shop, no help from the Father ($$$ or otherwise) then go to work at a crappy tiring job at weird hours. Not to mention that she has a cyst on her ovary and is scared to go back to the Doctor for the test results.

Yet she STILL find time to phone me even if it's for a second on her breaks or send a text message. No wonder she doesn't feel romantic when we have an opportunity to be together. Duh!

I think I've answered my own question just by writing this and I feel like an ******* for not realizing it sooner.

Got a good woman here and I think she realizes she's got a good man. Maybe sometimes the best relationships take time to 'brew' and those 'OMG where have you been all my life?' first date senarios seem to burn out so quick.

On another note, too quick can be bad too, well not always, but when it is too quick because she is "loose" is bad, especially when she ends up cheating on you a few weeks later.

Plan an evening to be more romantic. Plan it well enough in advance she has time to prepare and for childcare.

I mean, I can understand the no sex thing, maybe. But only two kisses? Hmmm?? I would think if there was one kiss, then a second, why don't they happen all the time?

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Originally Posted by clynn

I mean, I can understand the no sex thing, maybe. But only two kisses? Hmmm?? I would think if there was one kiss, then a second, why don't they happen all the time?

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Well, the major reason could be that it happened on one of the few (only? Wow, I think so) nights that we were alone without the son in front of us.

I don't feel comfortable showing any real affection in front of him towards her, at least not right now.

Please understand that I really like the kid, not complaining and this three of us doing things together has proven to be great (This is my first experience with kids), but there's a different dynamic going on when their are children involved, I'm learning.

????

dude, whatever you decide, let it be in your ladyfriend's interest. No matter where you relationship goes, it seems like the one thing that should tantamount is her happiness to you. From there, decide whether sex is called for now or later.

good God, I wish I could follow my own advice and follow through in my own relationships, haha. Good luck with that mate.

I think that you should take your time in havin sex you only been dating for 2 months. Me and my man waiting 6 months before i was ready i am 22 now. yes you and you gf are a lot older then me and she isnt a virgin if she was divorice and have kids. You guys should totally be kissing. good luck

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Originally Posted by blackiesharley

I've been seeing this girl quite reguarly for about eight weeks now. It's obvious that we're very much into each other, talk on the phone several times a day, see each other when schedules permit, usually about once a week.

I'm getting real mixed signals here from her. Lot's of good things said "you're the only decent guy in these parts," "you'd be SO good looking with a suntan," and after I made a (innocent) joke about gay men she asked with concern, please tell me you're not gay!" There's more I can't think of at the time.

My Mother and her have even become pals. My Mom was telling her what a wonderfull husband (my late Father) was and my girl says "well now I know where (my name) gets it from."

All that doesn't sound very platonic. However, there has been very little if any affection, two good kisses, one initated by me, one by her, but certianly no sex. I'm wondering if a relationship goes TOO long without sex, does it run the risk of settleing into a platontic friendship thing, or do some people just take things sloooow? She has been hurt before, maybe needs time to trust again? Maybe each of us are scared to make the first move?

Yeah, I know, we should 'the talk' about where the relationship is headed but she's very shy, it's almost unspoken that we are 'together,' and most of all I don't want to 'pressurize' anything and scare her away.

BTW...I'm not into this for a quick lay. I truly care a lot about her but am concerned that it's time to 'ratchet it up' to the next level or it will just coast along.

Thoughts?

For background, I'm 48, she's 40. Both divorced, she has one small child.

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No real right or wrong here....base it on how the two of you feel...do you both feel comfortable to take your relationship to the next level....??? If I were you I would go with her clues....let her take charge when she's ready to have sex with you...If you find yourself asking this question a year from now, then maybe you can approach her with it!!!

She is probably being very cautious considering she has a small child, and I think that is very good, but you should talk about the trajectory of your relationship.

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Originally Posted by shh!

She is probably being very cautious considering she has a small child, and I think that is very good, but you should talk about the trajectory of your relationship.

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I've thought about the child aspect too. I respect that. And the talk? Hopefully soon but I'm not quite comfortable pushing it right now.

Like another poster said, I should go with her clues, which are all (overall) good.

Eight weeks? That's all? I agree with Tone: It'll happen when it happens. Chill. Think about it from her perspective: Maybe, last time she went that way, out popped a life-long responsibility. Don't you imagine you'd be considerably more conservative about sleeping with a woman if you were having the babies? Birthcontrol nothwithstanding. It's an emotional thing. There's also this: Maye she has an STD. I went out with a woman a few months before she finally acknowledged that she'd avoided having sex with me all that time -- although she wanted to -- because she had herpes and didn't know how to tell me.

How old is her son? I'm a single mom w/3 small kids and I believe she wants to be with you.... she just can't. If she trust you enough, find a sitter for her. Do all the planning yourself. My BF did that for me and it totally blew me away. He took the time to get me a sitter and make plans for us, because I was just too overwhelmed to do something like that. I don't make a lot of money and I get nothing, financially or otherwise from my ex so it is really hard. Babysitters are expensive. He took the initiative, set everything up and we had a wonderful time all by ourselves. He even introduced me to another friend of his, a single mom, and now we watch each others kids whenever we need a break or want to go out. You might want to try something like that. Take all of the pressure off her. I can tell you from experience how difficult it is to juggle a job, a family, and a new relationship.

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Originally Posted by shh!

She is probably being very cautious considering she has a small child, and I think that is very good, but you should talk about the trajectory of your relationship.

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I agree w/Shh and would add that one of the topics you might discuss is your feelings about sex. Try to do this w/o pressuring her. Maybe an intimate, yet public place (quiet restaurant for an evening out you've arranged as suggested by someone else), so she won't feel pressed upon (sorry, pun unintended).

The sex thing is very personal. I know ppl who can get their dates into the sack VERY quickly (under 5 dates), which, personally, I think is very fast. For some, sex is related w/more a more intimate connection. For others, it is no big deal. For others its becomes a big deal (that shouldn't , perhaps) if the sex thing is withheld too long. So you need to find out. Ask, IMO.