Why are men so confusing?

Ok I'm sorry if I ramble on here but I am sooo confused. Anyway here goes....
Nearly 4 months ago I invited an old friend out for a night out with some of my friends. She came and bought 2 of her friends, both male, one gay, one straight.
Anyway we all had a really good night and it was blatently obviously that they were trying to set me and the straight guy up but I hate this so I just ignored him for most of the night.
I was walking home and I got text message from him saying that he thought I was really attractive and stuff and we started texting each other on a regular basis.
He kept asking to meet up with me and I eventually plucked up the courage and invited him out with a bunch of my friends. He was obviously really nervous and so was I but by the end of the evening we were getting on fine.
He would then regularly come over to mine for a night of take aways and dvds which I really enjoyed as we get on really well and we then started sleeping with each other.
All this time he was sending me really sweet texts and if I didn't see him for a while then I would really miss him but lately he's changed.
He rarely says nice thing to me anymore but isn't unpleasant. I also haven't seen him a lot and I know I am partly to blame for this as I've been quite busy. He has made an effort to come and see me but not as much as I would like.
Now I'm not making excuses for him but he hates living at home and he has a stressful job so I know that these both put him in a bad mood but I really wish I knew where I stood with him!
I have told him via text that I am really starting to like him and that if he isn't happy with this then let me know but he never replies so I really don't know where I stand.
I speak to him everyday and yet I am so in the dark about how he feels about me. I know no-one here is him so can't possibly know what he is thinking but if anyone has any ideas then I would love to know!
And before people start saying that he was using me for sex then this isn't true. I know that he enjoys my company as he has told me that.
Please help me!

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Originally Posted by *Bright_Eyes* [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And before people start saying that he was using me for sex then this isn't true. I know that he enjoys my company as he has told me that.
Please help me!

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He's either really busy (a lot of ppl are this time of year) or not into you, now he's slept with you. You don't want to hear it, but a lot of ppl say nice things until they've got what they want (sex) & then drop you like a hot potatoe. Not enough info to say this for sure, but a def possibility in your case.

The only way you're gonna find out is to ask. Don't sleep w/him anymore until you have an answer.

Have you inquired about any of this to his face?

Fras is right. Quit cowering behind text messages. Speak to him face to face.

men aren't confusing they're just confused.

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Originally Posted by *Bright_Eyes* [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Please help me!

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Have you two had an "Exclusivity talk"? Do you consider each other to be in a relationship?

I know I should ask him face to face but when I'm with him it doesn't seem to matter anymore because we have such a good time and get on well. He came over and saw me at work the other day and was knackered and being a right grump and once he had left he text me saying sorry for not being the best company so he does know what he's doing but hey. I suppose I'll just have to bite the bullet and ask him even though I'm terrified about finding out the truth. And I've not slept with him in ages so no need to worry about that :)

And no we haven't had the talk. When we first met he asked if I was after a relationship and I said no which he then said oh ok well we can always wait and see what happens.
Maybe I'm confusing him :S

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Originally Posted by *Bright_Eyes* [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And no we haven't had the talk. When we first met he asked if I was after a relationship and I said no which he then said oh ok well we can always wait and see what happens.
Maybe I'm confusing him :S

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I think you are confusing yourself. Waiting to see what happens creates confusion, because there are no roles and no responsibility. Before we get something from others we need to know what is it that we want ourselves and how will we go about getting that. Do you want to be in a relationship with this guy or not? (Now that you've had time to know him). I think is the question that you need to answer for yourself. Things will get clearer once you do that.

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Originally Posted by *Bright_Eyes* [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I suppose I'll just have to bite the bullet and ask him even though I'm terrified about finding out the truth.

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Damn right you will.

Do you wanna be one of those many women that just assume things and get upset later when their initial fears come true?

You would only have yourself to blame.

Regardless of the outcome, you'll feel better that you did.

EDIT: Yeah, "waiting to see what happens", isn't bad in the first few months, but eventually you need to know what's up if you're looking more into the long term.

You have to.

I had this issue with my girlfriend for a while, because she had some commitment issues, but it needs to be figured out, or nobody will be happy.

+ 1 to the people who said you need to talk to him. Relationships are confusing enough without refusing to talk about these things.

he was using you for sex (just kidding)

I don't think text messages are a good way to talk about this kind of things. If you want something serious then be serious!, talk about this with him, that's it.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

men aren't confusing they're just confused.

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What ever confusion that men are in is caused by women.

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Originally Posted by *Bright_Eyes* [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know that he enjoys my company as he has told me that.

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lol, hey...send me a thousand bucks through the internet please...I swear I will send it back...you know it is true cause I am TELLING YOU SO.

Hi Bright_Eyes,

Being a guy myself, I can tell that there is competition. Competition between men. Usually for sex. He's worked hard for the relationship the two of you have, but his end-goal might have been just that; sex. Now that his 'goal' is achieved, he might feel that it is time to move on, and find someone he is truly interested in. I know this sounds like something you don't want to hear, but it's worth considering, otherwise you might only fool yourself.

Figure him out, speak to him face to face, it is far too easy to hide your feelings and body language behind a text screen. Demand answers, whilst staying friendly. My 2 cents,

Regards, loveseeker

Hey so I thought I would update everyone with what is going on. So I never did have the talk with him because the chance never came up. Lately he has been even more depressed than normal and was moaning at me constantly about stuff. I have tried to help him with stuff with no thanks whatsoever. So I have now decided to not get in touch with him and ignore him as much as possible. I don't need this in my life right now and all he does is make me miserable. It is hard but hopefully I'll get through it :) Thanks for everyones replies x

From what you said, it seems to me that something changed in his life. Most likely traumatic (maybe not to that extreme), or emotionally confusing.

I've been in that situation, and it's delicate. This might not be the case keep in mind, but it could be. I suggest you try to talk to him more, probe his mind but not in a way that's intrusive or 'nosey.' And if he responds negatively, back off and be patient.

Good luck, I hope you find him.