What would you sacrifice for no confidence in a woman?

I'm 20, young, 5'6 and 117 lbs. I like to work out and take care of my appearance. I have blonde hair and a decent face, in my opinion at least. I'm a good student and have a lot of intellectual interests. Though everything might look good on paper, I'm a terribly lonely and a bored mess.

Also, I'm horribly serious and can't flirt for the life of me. In the past, I've had friends take my computer and chat/ flirt with guys jokingly and its exciting--but I when I do it alone I can't think of anything to say and just get bored.

More times than not I'm just not in the mood to put myself out there.

The only men who have brought me out of my negative little world are charismatic and bold---the opposite of me.

Every guy I've been with has said I'm too unaffectionate, but really I just subconsciously distance my feelings to avoid getting hurt. I don't know how to be emotionally available, except for the very few (very few) people I'm comfortable around and I'm not really even sure if I clearly express it to them.

So, would you sacrifice someone who is unaffectionate,moody, sarcastic, introverted, unconfident women if she was also loyal, genuinely nice (at least I hope so), occasionally sarcastically funny/ goofy, intelligent, told I'm charismatic but its largely an act..?

Definitely!
Of course it depends on you, and all the other factors. Just speaking for myself, but if i love someone I am willing to sacrifice almost everything for this person.
I would also want to help you become stronger in yourself and gain more belief in YOU.
:)
Good luck!

Certainly. I don't have any confidence myself and I'm very introverted too, so it would be hypocritical to demand something else from a woman.
Guys don't generally care about extroversion nearly as much as women do. Also, sarcasm is a good thing in my books.
Lack of affection is a problem though if it doesn't improve over dates.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniferx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I

So, would you sacrifice someone who is unaffectionate,moody, sarcastic, introverted, unconfident women if she was also loyal, genuinely nice (at least I hope so), occasionally sarcastically funny/ goofy, intelligent, told I'm charismatic but its largely an act..?

---

Nope. If I have to do all the work, especially in a long relationship - to show all the affection, to show all the confidence, etc. No way. Likewise, a woman shouldn't have to put up with an attractive guy who has zero confidence and is moody.

It depends. It depends on how low her self-confidence is. Being shy or introverted is not the same as low self-confidence. But, a severe low self-confidence affects almost everything in a relationship, from how the couple decides where to go to eat, to sex, to trusting each other. So it's a big issue for me anyway.

Also, if she is unable to open herself up to the boyfriend in a reasonable amount of time, this indicates she has trust issues which she should fix. You have to take a chance and risk getting hurt, in order to trust people. I simply relax, take a chance, and trust people unless I have evidence I should not. No risk, no reward. And most strangers I meet are very nice people worth trusting, if only for a minute. Even that big, scary, tattooed guy in line behind you will turn out to be a really nice guy, who is simply sick of being judged before people get to know him.

This is why women like self-confident men. Confidence affects everything in a relationship, including if the man is able to open up emotionally to the woman, which women really want.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniferx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, would you sacrifice someone who is unaffectionate,moody, sarcastic, introverted, unconfident

---

These are all undesirable personality traits for anyone, man or woman, unless you are into the emo scene. In my opinion, you would have to be SMOKING hot in order to make up for lack of personality and character. Even then, I probably wouldn't date you for long. But you know what? You can change your personality if you want to. You have to really want to change, but if you go out more often and meet new people, and in particular focus on hanging out with the people whose personality you are trying to emulate, then eventually you will internalize their behaviour and beliefs.

You obviously have trust issues. Maybe if you got into more social activities with others like team sports, the interaction may help you ease up.

Either that or you are just not horny enough due to lack of hormones....hormones is what controls our behaviour. It might be something to look into.

The answer to your question is, at least from my point of view: YES

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LeHannes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Definitely!
Of course it depends on you, and all the other factors. Just speaking for myself, but if i love someone I am willing to sacrifice almost everything for this person.
I would also want to help you become stronger in yourself and gain more belief in YOU.
:)
Good luck!

---

Shining knight. . .


I wouldn't sacrifice anything for this. I simply am not willing to give up myself or my needs in order to meet someone on their level. I am bold and charismatic, and I know what I want in a woman and accept nothing less.

A self-confident man will not step into this situation sadly, he'll start it up, realize that you're just not "there", and walk away. That said, you might be able to find a doormat that can take your lack of affection.

Sorry, but its true.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Shining knight. . .


I wouldn't sacrifice anything for this. I simply am not willing to give up myself or my needs in order to meet someone on their level. I am bold and charismatic, and I know what I want in a woman and accept nothing less.

A self-confident man will not step into this situation sadly, he'll start it up, realize that you're just not "there", and walk away. That said, you might be able to find a doormat that can take your lack of affection.

Sorry, but its true.

---

All of this is completely true.

Why would a self-confident guy put up with that, when he knows he can get a lot better?

I peaced on a girl who was very introverted, once i realized there was nothing i could say or do that would get her to be alittle more normal i peaced. she prob is a nice girl down inside but if you cant even go out to eat with me yeah im done.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniferx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, would you sacrifice someone who is unaffectionate,moody, sarcastic, introverted, unconfident women if she was also loyal, genuinely nice (at least I hope so), occasionally sarcastically funny/ goofy, intelligent, told I'm charismatic but its largely an act..?

---

So... if you're unaffectionate and moody, sarcastic, introverted and lack confidence... what would you offer? You're loyal, nice, sarcastic, goofy and intelligent? Lots of women with a personality have those traits. So I guess the answer is no.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Shining knight. . .


I wouldn't sacrifice anything for this. I simply am not willing to give up myself or my needs in order to meet someone on their level. I am bold and charismatic, and I know what I want in a woman and accept nothing less.

A self-confident man will not step into this situation sadly, he'll start it up, realize that you're just not "there", and walk away. That said, you might be able to find a doormat that can take your lack of affection.

Sorry, but its true.

---

Yea...shining knight indeed or just naive romantic?
Or doormat?
Anyway, for all of this to BE offered...it is expected in return as well.
A self-confident man you say, he couldn't find something that is worth fighting for? Something that is worth putting a little time or effort in as well?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LeHannes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yea...shining knight indeed or just naive romantic?
Or doormat?
Anyway, for all of this to BE offered...it is expected in return as well.
A self-confident man you say, he couldn't find something that is worth fighting for? Something that is worth putting a little time or effort in as well?

---

Not when what you're looking for is usually plentiful. Why try to fix someone who is broken when there are perfectly good girls out there looking for the same things?

There are fights worth taking on, and a girl with social and emotional problems is not one of them. Guys with codependency and self-esteem problems tend to go for the broken ones, not confident guys.

I have started to see a lot about "codependency" on these forums of late. I will have to read up on this concept.
I agree with you, why?
Though two thoughts enter my mind at this. Perhaps there is something in this girl that the other girls doesn't have.
And the other one is that perhaps all of this isn't apparent in the beginning, but found out about later. Perhaps it isn't so easy to just walk away at that point when feelings have erupted. If i can use that word. Weird word :S

Anyway, i am not myself TOO intrigued to go after someone who is not willing to take the same risks as i am. Like threadmaker just wrote, closing in on herself just to avoid getting hurt.
...I MIGHT do it, if she is giving her all to actually open up.
If both are working toward the same goal.

Thank you everyone for the responses.

Honestly, I would not go out with someone with these characteristics that I lack- and this is partly the cause for my low self-confidence: i realize that despite everything superficial and unimportant, i truly don't have much to offer. And I can fake it sometimes, and I can do an okay job at it... but it is SO exhausting. I don't think it should be this exhausting. AT some point a guy will soon realize that I'm just empty and can't be fun and exciting more often than not. The few meaningful relationships (not just boyfriends but friends and family members as well) I've had were not tiring, but rather the contrary. They felt like I finally knew who I was. Unfortunately, I think I've gone through a lot and can never return to a place where I am emotionally satisfying for the another person who is not my family.

I've been told by a couple people that I'm the most complicated person they know, probably a good thing for a shrink but not for attracting guys :/ ......I guess what do you do in this situation? Just keep faking it? I can't do that forever.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniferx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you everyone for the responses.

Honestly, I would not go out with someone with these characteristics that I lack- and this is partly the cause for my low self-confidence: i realize that despite everything superficial and unimportant, i truly don't have much to offer. And I can fake it sometimes, and I can do an okay job at it... but it is SO exhausting. I don't think it should be this exhausting. AT some point a guy will soon realize that I'm just empty and can't be fun and exciting more often than not. The few meaningful relationships (not just boyfriends but friends and family members as well) I've had were not tiring, but rather the contrary. They felt like I finally knew who I was. Unfortunately, I think I've gone through a lot and can never return to a place where I am emotionally satisfying for the another person who is not my family.

I've been told by a couple people that I'm the most complicated person they know, probably a good thing for a shrink but not for attracting guys :/ ......I guess what do you do in this situation? Just keep faking it? I can't do that forever.

---

You have you answer, speak to a shrink. You probably need some help organizing your head, because even you seem to think you're undesirable.

Yeah, something tells me this isn't just about lack of confidence.

hmmmm what do you mean?

Well, I don't have any confidence either but i don't have a problem with being affectionate. Quite the opposite; I love it and try to take the first opportunity to show it.
Which makes me think that there's something else going on.

Ah, I see what you're saying now. Well, I think part of it has to do with my personality. I don't come from a very affectionate family and have been reserved/ shy since I was little. I think maybe low self-confidence manifests itself in different ways in each individual; perhaps it inhibits us, though somewhat self-induced, from acting the way we want to. For me, that's showing affection, for someone else it is reserving themselves from the need of constant self-approval. To me, showing affection before I'm 100% comfortable with another person is like spilling my insides out and laying them down to be scrutinized...... not an ideal feeling for a private person like myself. Perhaps it is because I'm not comfortable with myself and my feelings......

As for seeing a therapist, I'm not closed to the idea. I've done it before for a few session but found it pretty unhelpful. But now that I'm older I think I could be more honest with the therapist and more aware of the problems I want fixed. It's just a matter of bringing myself to talk about issues to a stranger....not fun but I'm willing to try it. t