Is this creepy to men?

Hello,

I have been having frequent thoughts about a particular man who I dated briefly but because of some misunderstanding we stopped going out and haven't talked to each other for about a year, maybe even longer.

I have been having frequent thoughts about him including some very sexual and steamy ones. I think it also has to do with my general heightened sex drive or sex craving lately. Anyhow, I haven't stopped thinking about him for over a year and because of that, I think there has to be something special about him.

I have been thinking about contacting him. But I am afraid of getting rejected, looking creepy.

What if he has a girlfriend or wife now? It has been so long since I talked to him.

How would you react or think if a girl who you only briefly dated from over a year ago contacts you and tell you she still likes you? Is it UBER CREEPY? Or a compliment? Would it change if you are in a relationship or a marriage?

How should I approach this and what should I tell him? I want to find a way that makes me look less creepy.

It's not often that me and my guy friends sit around and say, "Remember that one chick? Damn, she was creepy". That's not to say it's never happened, but as a woman, you'd have to do some definitively creepy shit, for it to qualify as creepy, in my opinion at least. Put it this way.. A couple years back, an old GF of mine randomly showed up to my house, at like 10pm, WITH her new boyfriend, 15-20 years after I last saw her. On top of that, she was CLEARLY flirting with me. Was I a little uncomfortable? Sure. Creeped out? Naaaah. So what I'm saying is... Give him a call, or maybe even a text would be better. Casually open up the line of communication with him, and see what happens. You don't need to put all your cards on the table right away. Just check up on him, see if you guys can swap texts for a few days, then maybe get him on the phone once or twice, then maybe meet up for lunch a little after. Again, ANOTHER one of my exes hit me up recently after 5 years, and that's how our situation played out. But there's really nothing there, so I imagine it'll die out again.

In other words, give him a call, or a text, whatever you see fit.

Also, comment on my post if you don't mind. It's under, "Ask Female".

ThisRandomDude, thanks for the reply!

I anticipate he might be sort of resistant to my attempts at reconnecting. He might still be holding a grudge. If that happens, should I apologize about what happened before?

Well, I honestly think it depends on what he's holding a grudge for. Can I ask what it is?

Yup. So, after a really great date, he volunteered to visit me (4-5 hour drive) and I was super busy during that time and actually kind of scared (maybe of how fast things were going) so I made excuses not to see him. After a few months, when I was back in town, I hit him up and he was very salty. Refused to see me and being passive aggressive.

Seriously? A grudge for that? I say reach out to him. At this point, you kind of don't have a choice, cause it'll just stay in your thoughts until you act on it. Plus, like I said in my post, life is short. Maybe if you guys engage in a dialog, at some point, you can apologize and explain yourself. You were just scared, I wouldn't hold a grudge for that AT ALL!

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You seem sweet, I hope it works out for you. And if it doesn't, something will, I promise.

Did he make the 4-5 hour drive and you stood him up when he got there?

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Originally Posted by omgtotallyxo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have been thinking about contacting him. But I am afraid of getting rejected, looking creepy.

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Theres no other option. Have to take that jump.
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Originally Posted by madotnw_nihs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did he make the 4-5 hour drive and you stood him up when he got there?

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No, I won't let him do that. He wanted to and I made excuses before he had the chance to.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Theres no other option. Have to take that jump.
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LOL! Never thought my situation being analogous to investing in cryptocurrency.

I really enjoyed the time I had with him but there is always this nagging thought about him that is preventing me to act. I am not sure if I should interpret his uber sensitivity as clue to him being a difficult person to get along with. I mean, I have never met a guy who reacted this way.

Unusual or psychotic behaviour is both fascinating and alarming.

let us assume it was creepy
(Which I don’t think it is)
But let’s just assume it would be

What would you lose by maybe coming of a little creepy?
What could you gain by just contacting him again?

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Originally Posted by Hooo! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

let us assume it was creepy
(Which I don’t think it is)
But let’s just assume it would be

What would you lose by maybe coming of a little creepy?
What could you gain by just contacting him again?

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If he rejects me and find me creepy, the negative consequence is mostly emotional distress. I would be heartbroken. This makes me sound like a wuss but consider this: as a female with mostly positive feedback from men, rejection is a big deal because traditionally women (and also me) doesn't even do the chasing, let alone getting rejected. This emotional impact hits harder on women than men.

But the fact that men don't usually find this sort of behaviour creepy relieves my concerns somewhat. This is the difference between men and women. Women find this behaviour creepy from men. In fact, it reminds me of the times, men who I no longer was interested in, keep contacting me despite the fact that I turned them down multiple times. I don't want to be the female version of that creepy/annoying dude who just don't get it.

That don't makes sense cause if most feedback is positive then you know who you are and confidence should be high. So one rejection shouldn't change that. Yes girls don't chase. But if you beautiful it's not creepy. Unless you 50 and guy is 20.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That don't makes sense cause if most feedback is positive then you know who you are and confidence should be high. So one rejection shouldn't change that. Yes girls don't chase. But if you beautiful it's not creepy. Unless you 50 and guy is 20.

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Unfortunately, despite the positive feedbacks, I still have confidence issues.

I am very surprised by how things turned out. He looked so excited on the date. He put a lot of effort into his looks (everything was well groomed, he took extra precautions not to dirty up his suit, etc), bought me a gift, and volunteered to visit me, bragged about his accomplishments. All this made me think he was really into me. And then all of a sudden, not even a second chance. I have never had men who didn't want to go out on a second date, even the men who didn't seem that interested would go out on a second date just to see if things would improve. I always thought men never passes an opportunity to go out with women unless he was really not attracted to her.

So my guess is that he was mad at me. Or maybe he had a secret girlfriend who he got back with. I don't know.

A guy like him probably has women interested in him. It would be so embarrassing if I hit him up and talk about what happened 2 years ago.lol. He might be so over it and here I am still thinking about it. Worse case scenario, he would be like "oh yea, now I remember. I am in a relationship now/married". Then I will have another heart attack.

He doesn't even have a public facebook page where I can find out if he is with someone now.

I wouldn't find it creepy at all. If I were him, I'd make you my side-chick.

Yeah it's weird that you still think about him. Either it's been long time since you been loved or went somewhere wrong and that made it slower to move on. Anyway if you hit him up then go straight to the point. Like say you want to meet again. Right now he have no idea what you think, how you feel and what you want. So at least tell him what you want from him.

The problem is, you tried to reconnect and he didn't want to. That's my only issue with reaching out again since I feel that you made it pretty obvious that you wanted to see him again, and it seemed like he didn't want to.

Is it creepy? No.
But, I do believe in having self-respect. Which, if after reaching out somebody blows you off. F em'

Do as you please.
Personally, I think if he would have changed his mind he would have contacted you unfortunately.

I always like being direct and straight to the point, but I'm also a man. My favorite line for reconnecting is basically, "I would really like to see you again, let me know if you ever feel the same", or some variance.

Sometimes people don't want to reconnect again, ever, but that's the flavor of life.

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Originally Posted by GLYC [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The problem is, you tried to reconnect and he didn't want to. That's my only issue with reaching out again since I feel that you made it pretty obvious that you wanted to see him again, and it seemed like he didn't want to.

Is it creepy? No.
But, I do believe in having self-respect. Which, if after reaching out somebody blows you off. F em'

Do as you please.
Personally, I think if he would have changed his mind he would have contacted you unfortunately.

I always like being direct and straight to the point, but I'm also a man. My favorite line for reconnecting is basically, "I would really like to see you again, let me know if you ever feel the same", or some variance.

Sometimes people don't want to reconnect again, ever, but that's the flavor of life.

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You got straight to a central issue I am also struggling with. I wanted to reconnect back then but he didn't want to and still seemed upset. So, out of self-respect, I just let it the way it was. But unfortunately for me, the thought of him wouldn't leave me. I just felt there was something special there and it would have been unfortunate if we didn't get to explore that.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah it's weird that you still think about him. Either it's been long time since you been loved or went somewhere wrong and that made it slower to move on. Anyway if you hit him up then go straight to the point. Like say you want to meet again. Right now he have no idea what you think, how you feel and what you want. So at least tell him what you want from him.

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I haven't been dating for awhile now because my social life took a hit after I entered into a new profession that took a lot of my time. I think you have a point there that not dating might have made the recovery slower. I think I should get out there and date around before considering again whether I want to try again to reconnect with him.

It's hard for me to find someone who I am actually really excited about.

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Originally Posted by omgtotallyxo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's hard for me to find someone who I am actually really excited about.

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Arent Im exciting? Cmon girl, look around. Im sure theres few cool guys in your town.

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Originally Posted by EmoBobSwagPants [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I wouldn't find it creepy at all. If I were him, I'd make you my side-chick.

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He wouldn't even give me that chance to be the side chick. I'm kind of mad.:goofy:

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Arent Im exciting? Cmon girl, look around. Im sure theres few cool guys in your town.

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I'm in the legal profession and men are either taken, has a pot belly, or 5'3. lol. And then for the rest of guys, I'm not even impressed by, most of the time.

LOL thats funny. So as I understand you are too picky to hit up taken 5'3 guy with pot belly? And you are even less impressed by other guys lol.

I been living like 12 years without dating and then I got lucky on local dating site. So perhaps theres popular dating sites where you live, like okcupid, zoosk or even dating app like tinder or badoo. I know everyone thinks that tinder is for hookups but I been pretty lucky to go on several first to third dates with tinder cause in my country most people use it for dating and more girls write on their profiles that they dont want sex while very few are interested in just that.

Anyway problem is that even if you live in a city you live like in small town cause theres circle of people you meet and or interact every day what is much smaller number than actual possibilities. For example you live in 100k big city but interact only with 10-20 people on regular basis. Thats where internet and dating sites comes in handy cause they expand possibilities and two completely different people can meet each other what would be impossible in real life. Except of course if you talk with strangers on a street or public places. Sure you wont meet best guys on dating sites but then again sometimes you just get lucky.

How did you survive for 12 years without dating anyone? Don't you crave sex/intimacy? I would be go mad if I had to go on for 12 years like that.

I have done online dating before and I might have been on like 20+ dates from that. I didn't meet anyone I really liked, don't remember most of their names, and some people on there are weird. I was harassed by guys on there for sex. Its like, "dude, I told you like for the 30th time, no" and he was still asking. I had to block. And there was this one weird guy who found out my mailing address and sent me "The Notebook". I was a bit scared when I received a strange package in the mail from him and almost had a heart attack that it might be explosives or like worn panties or something.

I prefer to meet someone organically because its easier to build chemistry that way. For online dating, it's a numbers game and I felt like I was just trying to check off a list of qualities I look for in a mate. I am a romantic at heart and I hope I will meet my significant other through an unexpected event.

But I have no choice but to use online dating again as a way to meet singles.

[QUOTE=omgtotallyxo;1050916]"How did you survive for 12 years without dating anyone? Don't you crave sex/intimacy? I would be go mad if I had to go on for 12 years like that."

Hopefully you wouldn't kill yourself. I'm 21 going on 22 and I've went MY WHOLE LIFE without sex and intimacy, though I came close a few times. Never had my first kiss either. Determination is how people deal with years of loneliness.

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Originally Posted by omgtotallyxo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You got straight to a central issue I am also struggling with. I wanted to reconnect back then but he didn't want to and still seemed upset. So, out of self-respect, I just let it the way it was. But unfortunately for me, the thought of him wouldn't leave me. I just felt there was something special there and it would have been unfortunate if we didn't get to explore that.

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I haven't been dating for awhile now because my social life took a hit after I entered into a new profession that took a lot of my time. I think you have a point there that not dating might have made the recovery slower. I think I should get out there and date around before considering again whether I want to try again to reconnect with him.

It's hard for me to find someone who I am actually really excited about.

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I understand, I've been in this same position.
The thing is, you have to be in a very strong mindset.

I, actually somewhat recently, within the last year, underwent something similar. Great date, great connection for me, chemistry doesn't come along everyday either. I'm also not interested in most women.

However, after taking somewhat of a blow to my self esteem after the initial rejection, I sent a message 4 months later, saying an apology and for that person to contact me again if they ever wanted to rekindle things because that's what I would love to do. And also some other things, which, in all honesty, I probably stuck my foot in my mouth a bit there. But oh well. I did mean what I said.

I didn't get a response at all. My self esteem actually diminished again, and it became difficult again to keep at things that were important to me, being healthy, staying really motivated in life. My positivity kept okay, but I could feel some of it slipping at times.

I think those things can repeat themselves. However, it really is a test of ones true level of confidence.
Because without it, you can spiral back down. Which for me, was a reality check into my own self confidence and self image. Which, the benefit is that you can now start to see your own flaws, and work towards becoming the type of person that won't stay brought down.

I've definitely faced plenty of rejection, but none of it ever really affects me like when you're rejected by someone where things at first seemed really great, there was awesome chemistry and you thought to yourself "This is the type of person ive always been waiting for"


I would say don't do it, but, it's also your life. And your decision.
Speak your truth without fear and move on, if that's what you wish to do.

So by not asking him out you do your ego a favour because he can’t say no

In effect he is saying no as long as you don’t do something about it

Bottom line is Don't be afraid to fail.

It seems like you have received some great responses already, so I guess maybe I am just white noise at this point. LOL! But, I felt compelled to put my two cents in as well.

It is all about HOW you approach it. I may be the wrong person to ask about creepy since I don't get creeped out.... However, if you hadn't connected in any way for YEARS... and then you suddenly reached out telling him you were crazy about him and you two should get back together and all that.... sure that might seem pretty creepy. Don't misunderstand me. It is NOT creepy that you still have a crush on him/have a crush on him again. That can happen. Maybe you started thinking about him and felt like there was potential that you never got to explore. That he could have been something great, but you two never really got the chance to find out.

So, keep in mind that you are really more so crushing on an IDEA. On the idea of who he MIGHT be if you got to know him better. And, that's okay. That's usually what a crush is, really. BUT, the important distinction is you need to be able to realize that yourself and act on it accordingly. It's okay to have a crush and to sort of think in your own mind that somebody COULD be really amazing... but you shouldn't act on it as though they ARE amazing, because you don't really know them well enough yet to know.

So, my personal suggestion (if you haven't already tried) would be to reach back out to him... but keep it casual. You can even ask him out if you want. Nothing wrong with that. Heck, you can even say something like "I'd been thinking about us and figured maybe I should have given it more of a chance. So, if you'd be interested I'd love to go out some time." But, I would NOT recommend you tell him you are crazy about him, or you can't stop thinking about him, or anything quite like that.

Good luck to you either way.